i haven't seen you in a while. i miss our talks; i miss your smile.
drink up, baby, stay up all night
the things you could do, you won't but you might
the potential you'll be that you'll never see
the promises you'll only make
drink up with me now and forget all about the pressure of days
do what i say and i'll make you okay and drive them away
the images stuck in your head
people you've been before that you don't want around anymore
that push and shove and won't bend to your will
i'll keep them still
drink up, baby, look at the stars, i'll kiss you again
between the bars where i'm seeing you
there with your hands in the air waiting to finally be caught
drink up one more time and i'll make you mine
keep you apart deep in my heart separate from the rest
where i like you the best
and keep the things you forgot
the people you've been before that you don't want around anymore
that push and shove and won't bend to your will
i'll keep them still.
God rest your soul, Elliot Smith...
I'm kind of sad, but this isn't a length sadness that I've been carrying around for weeks or even months. I have my moments where I'm better than okay. Where I'm so happy to be in the place that I am that I cannot even express my gratitude. But these past few days, I'm just a little sad. I was in love with Chris. I was. And then I got scared, and I don't regret the actions I took after that. He was getting too serious with me, and he was about to leave for Iraq. So I ended things, thinking that they weren't exactly final, but it was better and more healthy for me to end things with him then, then it would be to try to carry a relationship that was beginning to scare me. He was okay with it; telling me that he loved me very much and that no matter what, he always would. So that was it. I hadn't spoken to him in months. (This was in January, mind you...) And now a mutual friend of ours has informed me that he was just married. Married about a week ago, and is expecting a baby. When I found out, I was a mess. A horrible, distraught, weak mess. I cried and cried, only thinking of how much it hurt that he was able to forget me so fast, and fall in love again so quickly. It just strengthened the fact that I didn't feel as if I was good enough for anyone. It hurt. It still hurts. But there's nothing I can do about it now. I guess, a big chunk of the reason I'm mad, is because he didn't tell me himeself, but yesterday he confirmed it.
I wrote my friend Eliza about it. And I know she understood how I was feeling. And she told me to follow my heart, but at the same time respect the boundaries of marriage. And that's what I plan to do, of course. I had my chance, and now it's gone. Take my story as a lesson to you all, okay?
love.
alycia pine.