Mind Over Matter
I am bad at remembering:
-How to do math
-Celebrity names and accomplishments
-Left vs Right
-What letter comes after another in the alphabet
-Specific Grammatical Rules
-Languages
-To eat in the morning
-To take medicine when I wake up
-To give Tuesday her monthly meds
-Choreography right after I learn it
I am good at remembering:
-My past & childhood
-Almost anything that physically happened to me
-What people wore/used to look like
-Maps and visual directions
-The complex color wheel
-Design principles
-Narrative structures
-Accents
-How to cook, clean
-To take medicine before I go to bed
-Not to overeat or make hasty decisions
-Smells and their associations
I'm pretty right-brained. Very visual/sense oriented. I've always been that way. It's funny, they say right-brained people don't do as well in school (as left-brained people), but for me, if something was intuitive, I could easily pick it up. Even though I couldn't remember grammatical rules, I learned how to write well from reading a lot. I didn't excel in math, but I could pass, especially with a patient teacher. I did excel in school. Maybe I was good at creating coping mechanisms, who knows. Maybe it's not black and white.
I'm good at remembering faces over names.
Sometimes people are mean about the things that I just don't have control over. I get teased a lot about the left/right thing. I'll try and be confident about it and say, "Turn left here!" and really I'll have meant the right, so it's not some kind of stubbornness. If I stop and think about it I can get it right, or if I keep having to talk about left vs. right I'll get it down just fine. But then the next day my brain stutters out when someone asks, "Left or right?"
I cannot remember many names of people in movies, television, bands, history books, etc. I can visually link elements together, certainly, but details like names don't stick with me for long unless I need to use them a lot. People also poke fun at me for this. I get discouraged because I don't want to seem like a "dumb girl", same with the math stuff. But honestly, my brain doesn't hold this information. It just doesn't stick with me.
I think I'll intuitively remember how to mix colors of paint, how to relate to someone, how to logically reason, for the rest of my life, but I don't remember for the life of me what co-signs and tangents are and what a "declarative sentence" is. I'm not ignorant, I just think something happened in my early cognitive development.
I think I have a mild case of dyspraxia (it's a motor learning difficulty that can affect planning of movements and co-ordination as a result of brain messages not being accurately transmitted to the body. Dyspraxia is a specific learning difficulty , so it does not affect overall intelligence or ability, but just affects particular aspects of development ). When I say mild, I really mean super mild. Mostly in pertaining to perceptual dyspraxia. I find it strange that I can read maps well, but have trouble with left and right. I've always had a really hard time learning dance choreography. It just takes me longer than most people, I don't know why. Once I have it down I'm fine, but it's hard for me to learn a complex sequence of steps where mind and body must work together.
I do have a really good long term memory, for some reason. Better than my siblings. I don't know why. If I commit something to long term memory, that obviously helps it to stick.
It's funny, I think there are many things that I am fairly good at, or very good at. It's always upset me that there were certain things that no matter what I couldn't truly succeed at them (algebra, remembering names, blah blah). But it's nice knowing there might be a developmental reason for that.
So... I'm more intuitive, creative. Great with visuals and intuitive patterning.
We already knew that, right?
I think we all have our set backs. It's nice to accept the good and the bad, you know, instead of just ignoring the bad or telling yourself it's something to hide or avoid coming across.
I think I've been avoiding certain life matters because they rub up against these issues - driving, financial planning, more extensive writing - to name a few of the bigger ones.
I feel like I can't show weaknesses these days. But fuck that. I can be a strong woman and still have a vulnerable heel.
It's taken me a really long time to get over my fear and lack of desire to drive. I feel embarrassed about it. I hate when people say, "What? YOU don't have a license?" Some people seem miffed about it, like I'm just lazy or weird. "I couldn't wait to get my license!" Well, that is you, not me.
Yeah, I know there are complete idiots behind the wheels of many vehicles (this is supposed to make me feel better, how?), so why shouldn't I be? Well, I have been driving a lot lately and soon I'll take my test. I don't want to feel like anything is in my way. I don't want people to judge what they don't understand. I want to break free from the chains of fear. I've done it in so many other arenas of my life.
When I get my official license, in large part I'll be happy to have new found mobility freedom, in small part I'll be happy to get people off my case.
I need to get out of my own way. I've got places to go.