70 Questions for Chen Chao-Ahn
And suddenly I understand the reason for my time teaching English. It was so I could capture the voices of non-native English speakers in fanfiction.
So, I'm pretty sure that Chao-Ahn actually died in "Chosen", but in my little world of these questions, she survived and is now slaying away in China.
To: Watcher007@rwc.org
From: chenca87@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: Psych Evaluation
I am for this exam to practice my English. Please apologise me any errors.
1. DO YOU SNORE?
I have to ask my dictionary what is "snore". Answer is no.
2. ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER?
I have stake for fighter. I have friend for lover. I am both.
3. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?
Mr. Giles monsters. And ice cream.
4. AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC?
When I am small we don't have lego.
5. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF "REALITY" TV?
I am liking "Amazing Race". "Big Brother" is me annoyed.
6. DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?
I don't straws. I use glass.
7. WERE YOU A CUTE BABY?
I'm not mother. I don't baby. This question doesn't understand me.
8. IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU?
No. I want reincarnate.
9. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD?
White is the keyboard.
10. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?
Mu
11. HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED?
What is "bungee"? My dictionary don't this word.
12. ANY SECRET TALENTS?
I am master clothes sewist.
13. WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT?
I like go to the sea for holiday. I go once to Croatia. It liked me very much.
14. IS JAY LENO FUNNY?
I prefer the man with tall hair.
15. CAN YOU SWIM?
I am good swimmer. When I am small I want to go Olympics. My watcher said "no".
16. HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE "DONNIE DARKO"?
Yes. It liked me very much. I watch many American cinema.
17. DO YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE OZONE?
What means "give a damn"? The ozone is important. It saves people from bad sun.
18. HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE ROLL POP?
This question doesn't understand me too.
19. CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS?
I am happy when I sing American alphabet forwards.
20. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE?
I have been on airplanes many times. Airplanes don't like me.
21. ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD?
No. I am 17. I am more than child.
22. DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENER?
No.
23. WHAT'S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING?
"Stand" is a verb, yes? This is bad question.
24. IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?
Mother says I marry Lao. I don't know Lao.
25. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
I write in Chinese very good. I type in English.
26. WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?
Milk foods.
27. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, "I LOVE YOU"?
I say it when I read the question. I read loudly for understanding.
28. IS ELVIS STILL ALIVE?
The newspapers in America say "yes". I think the newspapers in America are stupid.
29. DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS?
I don't have to go to a wedding. I don't know.
30. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
They are good.
31. ARE BLONDES DUMB?
Buffy is blonde. Spike is blonde. Many potentials is blonde. Sometimes, they are dumb.
32. WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP?
The moon.
33. WHAT TIME IS IT?
23.07
34. DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?
My watcher calls me Ahnie. I don't like name Ahnie. My watcher now is dead. I have no nickname.
35. IS MCDONALD'S DISGUSTING?
McDonalds food don't like me very much. It is very bad.
36. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR, AND WHO WERE YOU WITH?
I go to Hong Kong last week. I am in taxi car with taxi driver. Here I ride bicycle.
37. DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS?
Yes.
38. IS SANTA CLAUS REAL?
I don't know. I am no Christian.
39. DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED?
Yes.
40. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?
When I am small, I am afraid. When I am older, I am not afraid. When I am in Sunnydale, I am afraid again. I don't know.
41. WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?
I am addicted to coke and kretek. They are very good when patrol is very long.
42. CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER?
I think I miss part of this question.
43. CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK?
I crack vampire necks. It is bester than to crack my neck.
44. HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE?
In Sunnydale I ride in many ambulances.
45. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY?
I clean my teeth two times in one day. This is best.
46. IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE?
If drugs are free I try them. They are expensive. I don't try them.
47. ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER?
I weigh 57 kilos. I am not heavy.
48. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?
Brown
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE?
It is good. Next will be bester.
51. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS OR PIERCINGS?
In Sunnydale a potential has tattoo of Chinese characters "I am pretentious American idiot". I say her what it means. She gets mad. She hit me. I hit her back. I won.
52. ARE YOU PSYCHIC?
No, I am normal girl. Why ask questions if you ask this one? I tell you I am not crazy, you say "okay". No more questions.
53. HAVE YOU READ "CATCHER IN THE RYE"?
This is a book, yes? Books don't like me.
54. DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS?
I am very good fluter.
55. HAVE YOU EVER STOLEN MONEY?
Yes. My watcher said me give it back.
56. CAN YOU SNOWBOARD?
My dictionary don't know "snowboard".
57. DO YOU LIKE CAMPING?
In tent? In woods? You joke.
58. DO YOU SNORT WHEN YOU LAUGH?
I laugh very much. I no snort.
59. DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?
If I say no you say "she is crazy!"
60. ARE DOGS A MAN'S BEST FRIEND?
Does dog have Buddha nature?
61. YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE?
Yes. It happens not often here.
62. CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK?
This is American dance. We laugh at it.
63. DO YOU MAKE MANY MISTAKES?
In English I make very many mistakes. Why don't translate questions?
64. IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY?
In mountains it is cold all times.
65. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Chicken, peppers, cashews, rice. It was good diner.
66. DO YOU WEAR NAIL POLISH?
Yes. It gets chipped by vampire many times. I fix when I get home.
67. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN KISSED?
I like kiss.
68. WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL?
It is man and woman in store. Woman says "I want this". Man says woman "I buy you this". It is annoying in Chinese.
69. DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE?
I don't know "American Eagle". I shop at stores.
70. FAVORITE BAND AT THE MOMENT?
I am liking Puffy. Also Green Day and Madonna. But Puffy is best.
I am all questions answered. You see I am not crazy. You will send no more exams, yes?
Chen Chao-Ahn
Anyone else suddenly go "ooh, I should write these for FIREFLY CHARACTERS!" Cause I would love to see River tackle these questions.
So, I'm pretty sure that Chao-Ahn actually died in "Chosen", but in my little world of these questions, she survived and is now slaying away in China.
To: Watcher007@rwc.org
From: chenca87@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: Psych Evaluation
I am for this exam to practice my English. Please apologise me any errors.
1. DO YOU SNORE?
I have to ask my dictionary what is "snore". Answer is no.
2. ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER?
I have stake for fighter. I have friend for lover. I am both.
3. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?
Mr. Giles monsters. And ice cream.
4. AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC?
When I am small we don't have lego.
5. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF "REALITY" TV?
I am liking "Amazing Race". "Big Brother" is me annoyed.
6. DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?
I don't straws. I use glass.
7. WERE YOU A CUTE BABY?
I'm not mother. I don't baby. This question doesn't understand me.
8. IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU?
No. I want reincarnate.
9. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD?
White is the keyboard.
10. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?
Mu
11. HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED?
What is "bungee"? My dictionary don't this word.
12. ANY SECRET TALENTS?
I am master clothes sewist.
13. WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT?
I like go to the sea for holiday. I go once to Croatia. It liked me very much.
14. IS JAY LENO FUNNY?
I prefer the man with tall hair.
15. CAN YOU SWIM?
I am good swimmer. When I am small I want to go Olympics. My watcher said "no".
16. HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE "DONNIE DARKO"?
Yes. It liked me very much. I watch many American cinema.
17. DO YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE OZONE?
What means "give a damn"? The ozone is important. It saves people from bad sun.
18. HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE ROLL POP?
This question doesn't understand me too.
19. CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS?
I am happy when I sing American alphabet forwards.
20. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE?
I have been on airplanes many times. Airplanes don't like me.
21. ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD?
No. I am 17. I am more than child.
22. DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENER?
No.
23. WHAT'S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING?
"Stand" is a verb, yes? This is bad question.
24. IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?
Mother says I marry Lao. I don't know Lao.
25. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
I write in Chinese very good. I type in English.
26. WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?
Milk foods.
27. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, "I LOVE YOU"?
I say it when I read the question. I read loudly for understanding.
28. IS ELVIS STILL ALIVE?
The newspapers in America say "yes". I think the newspapers in America are stupid.
29. DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS?
I don't have to go to a wedding. I don't know.
30. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
They are good.
31. ARE BLONDES DUMB?
Buffy is blonde. Spike is blonde. Many potentials is blonde. Sometimes, they are dumb.
32. WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP?
The moon.
33. WHAT TIME IS IT?
23.07
34. DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?
My watcher calls me Ahnie. I don't like name Ahnie. My watcher now is dead. I have no nickname.
35. IS MCDONALD'S DISGUSTING?
McDonalds food don't like me very much. It is very bad.
36. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR, AND WHO WERE YOU WITH?
I go to Hong Kong last week. I am in taxi car with taxi driver. Here I ride bicycle.
37. DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS?
Yes.
38. IS SANTA CLAUS REAL?
I don't know. I am no Christian.
39. DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED?
Yes.
40. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?
When I am small, I am afraid. When I am older, I am not afraid. When I am in Sunnydale, I am afraid again. I don't know.
41. WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?
I am addicted to coke and kretek. They are very good when patrol is very long.
42. CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER?
I think I miss part of this question.
43. CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK?
I crack vampire necks. It is bester than to crack my neck.
44. HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE?
In Sunnydale I ride in many ambulances.
45. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY?
I clean my teeth two times in one day. This is best.
46. IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE?
If drugs are free I try them. They are expensive. I don't try them.
47. ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER?
I weigh 57 kilos. I am not heavy.
48. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?
Brown
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE?
It is good. Next will be bester.
51. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS OR PIERCINGS?
In Sunnydale a potential has tattoo of Chinese characters "I am pretentious American idiot". I say her what it means. She gets mad. She hit me. I hit her back. I won.
52. ARE YOU PSYCHIC?
No, I am normal girl. Why ask questions if you ask this one? I tell you I am not crazy, you say "okay". No more questions.
53. HAVE YOU READ "CATCHER IN THE RYE"?
This is a book, yes? Books don't like me.
54. DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS?
I am very good fluter.
55. HAVE YOU EVER STOLEN MONEY?
Yes. My watcher said me give it back.
56. CAN YOU SNOWBOARD?
My dictionary don't know "snowboard".
57. DO YOU LIKE CAMPING?
In tent? In woods? You joke.
58. DO YOU SNORT WHEN YOU LAUGH?
I laugh very much. I no snort.
59. DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?
If I say no you say "she is crazy!"
60. ARE DOGS A MAN'S BEST FRIEND?
Does dog have Buddha nature?
61. YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE?
Yes. It happens not often here.
62. CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK?
This is American dance. We laugh at it.
63. DO YOU MAKE MANY MISTAKES?
In English I make very many mistakes. Why don't translate questions?
64. IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY?
In mountains it is cold all times.
65. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Chicken, peppers, cashews, rice. It was good diner.
66. DO YOU WEAR NAIL POLISH?
Yes. It gets chipped by vampire many times. I fix when I get home.
67. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN KISSED?
I like kiss.
68. WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL?
It is man and woman in store. Woman says "I want this". Man says woman "I buy you this". It is annoying in Chinese.
69. DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE?
I don't know "American Eagle". I shop at stores.
70. FAVORITE BAND AT THE MOMENT?
I am liking Puffy. Also Green Day and Madonna. But Puffy is best.
I am all questions answered. You see I am not crazy. You will send no more exams, yes?
Chen Chao-Ahn
Anyone else suddenly go "ooh, I should write these for FIREFLY CHARACTERS!" Cause I would love to see River tackle these questions.