(no subject)
So Saturday had a bit of a minor breakdown, but rewind to Fridayy!
I decided to take the weekend off and go hangout at the Weedon residence for some Zelda and second-family hangouts. I totally forgot Aaron moved back home, so his mum was like "you can sleep in Beccas room cause Aarons home now" and I was thinking "I could just sleep in aarons room cause we shared a bed last time I was there like 3 weeks ago??" but whatevz. So I show up and I walk upstairs to burst in his room and yell "HEY ASSBUTT" but I took a step in and saw him laying in bed with his girlfriendthing? So I just kinda backed out and they didn't see me, and proceeded to just. go downstairs.
Anyways so Friday night she stayed over and Saturday they painted his room and she spent the night again. There was a point on Saturday, when we were eating dinner and the three of us were sitting on the couch, with Aaron between Kate and I. I had to choke down the rest of my dinner and get up and go isolate myself in Becca's room and THUS BEGINS BREAKDOWN.
Now let me make it clear that it's not that I'm...sad over AARON or that I'm not over him.
I mean, I'll love the kid till the day I die but it's more about seeing them act and talk the same way I spent a better part of two years acting and talking with him. So that triggered it, and then I got thinking about how now that Ariel's gone I have no one to talk to about this shit who knows what to do about it which lead to I have No One and I'm alone Forever and I have No Friends.
Honestly, it's a good thing Jay was online to talk to me because frankly it was just too much to handle. I ended up curling up in a ball and sleeping it off because I didn't know how else to cope with it.
Aaron obviously sensed I wasn't well, but every time he got a second away from her to ask me about it, she either came in or I was too choked up to say anything. I just said "I'm not well" and he put his hand on my head. When I left Sunday, she was gone and he hugged me for a really long time.
I don't know. I feel so very much alone like I'm the only person on the planet sometimes. I no longer have anyone to help me and as much as I always said I didn't want anyones help, that's entirely false. I just can't burden anyone else with my shit when everyone has their own to deal with.
I decided to take the weekend off and go hangout at the Weedon residence for some Zelda and second-family hangouts. I totally forgot Aaron moved back home, so his mum was like "you can sleep in Beccas room cause Aarons home now" and I was thinking "I could just sleep in aarons room cause we shared a bed last time I was there like 3 weeks ago??" but whatevz. So I show up and I walk upstairs to burst in his room and yell "HEY ASSBUTT" but I took a step in and saw him laying in bed with his girlfriendthing? So I just kinda backed out and they didn't see me, and proceeded to just. go downstairs.
Anyways so Friday night she stayed over and Saturday they painted his room and she spent the night again. There was a point on Saturday, when we were eating dinner and the three of us were sitting on the couch, with Aaron between Kate and I. I had to choke down the rest of my dinner and get up and go isolate myself in Becca's room and THUS BEGINS BREAKDOWN.
Now let me make it clear that it's not that I'm...sad over AARON or that I'm not over him.
I mean, I'll love the kid till the day I die but it's more about seeing them act and talk the same way I spent a better part of two years acting and talking with him. So that triggered it, and then I got thinking about how now that Ariel's gone I have no one to talk to about this shit who knows what to do about it which lead to I have No One and I'm alone Forever and I have No Friends.
Honestly, it's a good thing Jay was online to talk to me because frankly it was just too much to handle. I ended up curling up in a ball and sleeping it off because I didn't know how else to cope with it.
Aaron obviously sensed I wasn't well, but every time he got a second away from her to ask me about it, she either came in or I was too choked up to say anything. I just said "I'm not well" and he put his hand on my head. When I left Sunday, she was gone and he hugged me for a really long time.
I don't know. I feel so very much alone like I'm the only person on the planet sometimes. I no longer have anyone to help me and as much as I always said I didn't want anyones help, that's entirely false. I just can't burden anyone else with my shit when everyone has their own to deal with.