The best things in life are free...but you can give them to the birds and bees... I want money...
It's one of those days where my general mood is neither good nor bad. After so much stress, I tend to become outwardly ambivalent. "Just living," you know?
As shallow as it sounds, I'm hoping to god that I won't be poor the rest of my life. I can't handle it. I mean, I grew up dirt poor, and my family was always fighting over money or depressed because we didn't have money. I've come to terms with the fact that, as an adult, you can't go out or be constantly entertained--you get to pay bills instead. I'd be fine with that; however, my finances at the moment are totally, for lack of a better phrase, f'ed up.
I have no money, but I have to put gas in my car in order to get to work and actually make money. Talk about a Catch-22. And then, when my payday does arrive, it all goes to paying the rent and (If I'm lucky enough to make more than the amount of rent) buying food. It's too goddamn stressful! I'm not sitting here and whining because I can't spoil myself; I'm freaking out because I don't know if I can afford to exist.
God. Is it going to be like this for the rest of my life? Does it get any better? I mean, I'm sure it will once I have a full-time job and am out of college, but is money always this big of a deal?
I want to just say the hell with it all and set up a yurt in the woods. Damn American society and its emphasis on being efficient and affluent. This cut-throat capitalism is killing me. I mean, as long as I can remember, everything in grade school had this emphasis on being successful. You know, "Don't fuck up your PSATS or you'll never get into college and have a big house and 2.5 kids..." We're socialized to believe that having money equates to having happiness, which (quite frankly) is bullshit.
As stressed as I am at present, I still know that it's just money. I cannot let materialism or prefabricated ideas (read: someone else's idea)of success make me feel bad about who I am. I'm not a failure. I'm just a college student who's trying to make it in the "real world."
Sigh...
On to better things. In less than one month, I'll be able to see My Morning Jacket again! I've made plans to attend the Rights of Spring Music Festival in Nashville, Tennessee, and I cannot even begin to tell you how much I'm looking foward to that show. My borderline obssession with MMJ has me so psyched... spring, outdoors, my favorite band... Does it get any better?
I've also made plans to attend Bonnaroo again this year, but more on that later. I'm so excited about it that it's an entry in itself.
Well, at least I'm not in a "bad" mood. I'm--shit, gotta answer the phone...
Ok, never mind. I am in a bad mood now. God, how stupid can some people be? I mean, seriously, what possesses someone to not think before acting? The moron on the phone just asked me "what [our] number was." WTF? Didn't you CALL the number?
Grrr. I'm going to have a cigarette now. Today is my LAST day of smoking. Tomorrow begins my quest to become nicotine free. If you're religious, pray for all those who must come into contact with me. Something tells me I'll be "mecha-bitch" without my smokes.
As shallow as it sounds, I'm hoping to god that I won't be poor the rest of my life. I can't handle it. I mean, I grew up dirt poor, and my family was always fighting over money or depressed because we didn't have money. I've come to terms with the fact that, as an adult, you can't go out or be constantly entertained--you get to pay bills instead. I'd be fine with that; however, my finances at the moment are totally, for lack of a better phrase, f'ed up.
I have no money, but I have to put gas in my car in order to get to work and actually make money. Talk about a Catch-22. And then, when my payday does arrive, it all goes to paying the rent and (If I'm lucky enough to make more than the amount of rent) buying food. It's too goddamn stressful! I'm not sitting here and whining because I can't spoil myself; I'm freaking out because I don't know if I can afford to exist.
God. Is it going to be like this for the rest of my life? Does it get any better? I mean, I'm sure it will once I have a full-time job and am out of college, but is money always this big of a deal?
I want to just say the hell with it all and set up a yurt in the woods. Damn American society and its emphasis on being efficient and affluent. This cut-throat capitalism is killing me. I mean, as long as I can remember, everything in grade school had this emphasis on being successful. You know, "Don't fuck up your PSATS or you'll never get into college and have a big house and 2.5 kids..." We're socialized to believe that having money equates to having happiness, which (quite frankly) is bullshit.
As stressed as I am at present, I still know that it's just money. I cannot let materialism or prefabricated ideas (read: someone else's idea)of success make me feel bad about who I am. I'm not a failure. I'm just a college student who's trying to make it in the "real world."
Sigh...
On to better things. In less than one month, I'll be able to see My Morning Jacket again! I've made plans to attend the Rights of Spring Music Festival in Nashville, Tennessee, and I cannot even begin to tell you how much I'm looking foward to that show. My borderline obssession with MMJ has me so psyched... spring, outdoors, my favorite band... Does it get any better?
I've also made plans to attend Bonnaroo again this year, but more on that later. I'm so excited about it that it's an entry in itself.
Well, at least I'm not in a "bad" mood. I'm--shit, gotta answer the phone...
Ok, never mind. I am in a bad mood now. God, how stupid can some people be? I mean, seriously, what possesses someone to not think before acting? The moron on the phone just asked me "what [our] number was." WTF? Didn't you CALL the number?
Grrr. I'm going to have a cigarette now. Today is my LAST day of smoking. Tomorrow begins my quest to become nicotine free. If you're religious, pray for all those who must come into contact with me. Something tells me I'll be "mecha-bitch" without my smokes.