(no subject)
everything that is beautiful will someday be soiled.
everything that is meaningful will someday be demeaned.
i walked home from school today and that over whelming feeling of worthlessness haunted me again. i saw all these places that once had meaning but are now nothing. the alley where i smoked with sean and the "tough kids", the light post where cole played guitar by my side, the rock that tripped mike on one of the night excursions with dave, my street where so many people had walked me home, and the house no longer occupied by the most amazing person i had ever known. it seems no matter how intense the moment was or meaningful it passes and become invalid, almost a lie from the beginning. you wonder where those people went and why things change only to conclude it never mattered in the first place. i thought about how degrading school is for me and how i fail to meet any expectation. its just this unfair competition that leaves me with only pity. a stupid judgment of my worth. somedays i just want to kill myself to spite all these people. show them what they fail to see. i think of their feelings and possible sadness and think i could never do that. then i think of the way ive been treated and think whats the point in being the better person, when there are no good people anyway?
i watched the septa buses roll past and had the urge to jump on one and make an escape. maybe never even come back. i see all the on coming cars and a big school bus with double wheels and have half a mind to throw my self under the yellow crusader.but i am still here waiting for an ending.
everything that is meaningful will someday be demeaned.
i walked home from school today and that over whelming feeling of worthlessness haunted me again. i saw all these places that once had meaning but are now nothing. the alley where i smoked with sean and the "tough kids", the light post where cole played guitar by my side, the rock that tripped mike on one of the night excursions with dave, my street where so many people had walked me home, and the house no longer occupied by the most amazing person i had ever known. it seems no matter how intense the moment was or meaningful it passes and become invalid, almost a lie from the beginning. you wonder where those people went and why things change only to conclude it never mattered in the first place. i thought about how degrading school is for me and how i fail to meet any expectation. its just this unfair competition that leaves me with only pity. a stupid judgment of my worth. somedays i just want to kill myself to spite all these people. show them what they fail to see. i think of their feelings and possible sadness and think i could never do that. then i think of the way ive been treated and think whats the point in being the better person, when there are no good people anyway?
i watched the septa buses roll past and had the urge to jump on one and make an escape. maybe never even come back. i see all the on coming cars and a big school bus with double wheels and have half a mind to throw my self under the yellow crusader.but i am still here waiting for an ending.