Not Your Fault [oneshot]
God, forgive me. I wrote Jaeho. But it wanted out T-T
Title: Not Your Fault
Pairing: JaeHo
Genre: drama
Rating: G
Summary: Yunho falls out of love, but can’t and won’t break Jaejoong’s heart again
Whatever I do for you, it never seems enough. Not to you, you are always smiling, always happy, always telling me I’m too much. It’s my heart that feels it’s not doing as much as it should be. And it isn’t. No matter how much I pamper you, hug you, kiss you, I know it isn’t sincere. My pulse doesn’t speed up when I lay my eyes on you anymore. I’ve stopped blushing at your touch long ago. That’s why I work so hard for your happiness. I want to make sure you aren’t hurt by my stale heart. And maybe it will start moving again if I don’t let go. Perhaps it’s only some stage I’m going through.
I keep my smile plastered on my face and I try hard to carry it to my eyes too. I hope it’s working. I hope you haven’t noticed how transparent you are and that I’ve seen through your small gestures. Yes, I know you don’t feel anything anymore. The warmth is still there in your arms, but it has changed. It has lost its passion. Still, after wandering around looking for affection for so long, I’m ready to accept even this. Even the hesitant kisses, even the half-hearted touches. I’ll embrace it all, because in my fake life fake love is everything I can hope for.
Your smile is sweet, but for a second it cracks. I rush to your side, asking if something’s wrong. You reply your tummy hurts and ask for a kiss. My lips descend upon your pouty ones and you’re all smiles again. And even though my eyes water, I smile with you.
Oh, you’re about to cry, why? Am I hurting you now? Well, you’re hurting me too, you know. I can’t ever complain, because you try to give me what I need and it’s not your fault you’re no good at lying. Ah, I wish you were. Then you could lie to yourself and me both, and we’d believe. Believe we’re going somewhere with this relationship, believe we aren’t as apart as we are. And perhaps with this belief we could have changed reality.
I manage to hold back my tears. You haven’t noticed a thing. I’m glad. I couldn’t live with breaking your heart. I don’t think it can survive another blow by faith. A delicate thing like it can withstand only so many mends. I remember how you looked when I first saw you. Oh, you were so afraid of everyone and everything, so closed and protective of your fragile feelings. You didn’t stay for after-class clubs, you didn’t talk to anyone. Life had broken you and after carefully gluing the pieces together you avoided all that could threaten your balance. I can’t let you down after making you trust me.
You slipped inside me through the cracks and holes left by missing pieces. Somehow you seemed to fit perfectly there, like you actually were all the things I lost. And you held me together much, much better than I’d ever managed to by myself. You grew into me. Now that you’re slowly starting to tear away it hurts more than it ever did, but I can’t be mad at you and I can never hate you. You try so hard to hold back and continue loving me, continue being a part of me.
It’s not your fault you’re so broken up.
It’s not your fault you’re slipping away.
Title: Not Your Fault
Pairing: JaeHo
Genre: drama
Rating: G
Summary: Yunho falls out of love, but can’t and won’t break Jaejoong’s heart again
Whatever I do for you, it never seems enough. Not to you, you are always smiling, always happy, always telling me I’m too much. It’s my heart that feels it’s not doing as much as it should be. And it isn’t. No matter how much I pamper you, hug you, kiss you, I know it isn’t sincere. My pulse doesn’t speed up when I lay my eyes on you anymore. I’ve stopped blushing at your touch long ago. That’s why I work so hard for your happiness. I want to make sure you aren’t hurt by my stale heart. And maybe it will start moving again if I don’t let go. Perhaps it’s only some stage I’m going through.
I keep my smile plastered on my face and I try hard to carry it to my eyes too. I hope it’s working. I hope you haven’t noticed how transparent you are and that I’ve seen through your small gestures. Yes, I know you don’t feel anything anymore. The warmth is still there in your arms, but it has changed. It has lost its passion. Still, after wandering around looking for affection for so long, I’m ready to accept even this. Even the hesitant kisses, even the half-hearted touches. I’ll embrace it all, because in my fake life fake love is everything I can hope for.
Your smile is sweet, but for a second it cracks. I rush to your side, asking if something’s wrong. You reply your tummy hurts and ask for a kiss. My lips descend upon your pouty ones and you’re all smiles again. And even though my eyes water, I smile with you.
Oh, you’re about to cry, why? Am I hurting you now? Well, you’re hurting me too, you know. I can’t ever complain, because you try to give me what I need and it’s not your fault you’re no good at lying. Ah, I wish you were. Then you could lie to yourself and me both, and we’d believe. Believe we’re going somewhere with this relationship, believe we aren’t as apart as we are. And perhaps with this belief we could have changed reality.
I manage to hold back my tears. You haven’t noticed a thing. I’m glad. I couldn’t live with breaking your heart. I don’t think it can survive another blow by faith. A delicate thing like it can withstand only so many mends. I remember how you looked when I first saw you. Oh, you were so afraid of everyone and everything, so closed and protective of your fragile feelings. You didn’t stay for after-class clubs, you didn’t talk to anyone. Life had broken you and after carefully gluing the pieces together you avoided all that could threaten your balance. I can’t let you down after making you trust me.
You slipped inside me through the cracks and holes left by missing pieces. Somehow you seemed to fit perfectly there, like you actually were all the things I lost. And you held me together much, much better than I’d ever managed to by myself. You grew into me. Now that you’re slowly starting to tear away it hurts more than it ever did, but I can’t be mad at you and I can never hate you. You try so hard to hold back and continue loving me, continue being a part of me.
It’s not your fault you’re so broken up.
It’s not your fault you’re slipping away.