characters in the story of my life: present and past

[belenen]

icon: "shows -- xena happiness (Xena and Gabrielle looking at each other and smiling as they walk)"

It had been 2 years so it was way past time for an update. I didn't include all of the people from before but those are still available via tags *smiles*
If you're wondering what spirit-kin, heart-kin, soul-kin or mind-kin mean (or -twin, the

Comments

[feladrone]

"And because of their own focus on life as a whole, and their own passion for individuality, I feel like I can focus on what matters to only me for the first time while in an intense romantic relationship. I feel like when we go away from each other we do pine, but we also get shit done and when we come back together we have so much to share."

Wow, that is inspiring for me to read! I really, really hope I can have a romantic relationship like that some day.

I always hear about couples that are so attached, do everything together, make huge sacrifices for each other... and I honestly don't think I could ever handle that. I need independence. I don't want to have to run every decision by my partner, I want to be able to do what I want when it's important. (And I would want my partner to do whatever they wanted when it was important to them, too. I would feel awful if they didn't do something they wanted to because of me.) I'm not in a relationship and never have been, but I've been worried that this will be an issue for me in the future, that most people will expect me to just make my life all about them, and that they'll want to make their life all about me =S I don't know how I'll feel way later in my life, but I just cannot see myself enjoying that in the foreseeable future.

It's nice to hear that there are people out there that have the kind of relationship I would want, and that it's working. It gives me hope! Thank you. <3

[belenen]

Honestly this is an attitude I have never found among monogamous people, but only among people who are polyamorous or relationship anarchists. Even if I only wanted to be with one person, I couldn't deal ever again with that stifling need for blending personhood. I want to remain myself, and I want those I am with to remain their selves, and I want to create bonds that exist because we nourish each other. I don't want bonds that come out of having carved ourselves to fit each other such that we can no longer be a whole person alone.

So, to find people who want to be independent WITH you, I would look for polyamorous people.

(waves)

[raidingparty]

I'm not sure whether your definition is by beliefs or by practice, but I have almost always had monogamous relationships, and I'd describe my partner and myself more as "in parallel" than "overlapping". We have our own stuff and different friends and even have alone time every so often. And of course we do a lot together as well.
Internally, I'd say I am poly-interested; I've never practiced, I think it could be bad for me in some ways (and I know I have some work to do about self-image) and good for me in others. But my partner is very strictly pair-bonding, and I'm happy with what we have, so I'm not making any more romantic connections.