4 elements needed for me to feel sexual attraction: consent, bodily respect, awareness, generosity

[belenen]

icon: "brewing (a photo of a ceramic mug with sticks of cinnamon poking out and steam rising up)"
As a demisexual, I need to feel some kind of emotional connection with the person for there to even be a chance of sexual attraction. Often this is a connection on the spirit, soul, or heart level, but sometimes it's purely a mental connection in that

Comments

[belenen]

with regards to questions, I find it very helpful to communicate non-verbally sometimes. For example, reaching toward someone's nipple and stopping, looking at them with a raised eyebrow. If they respond in the affirmative, I go ahead, and if they hesitate or shake their head, I try something else. Often I'll ask backwards consent questions, like "is there any kind of touch that you want me to avoid?" or "which things would you like me to ask before doing?" with that last one, I consider it to only refer to things we have already tried -- if it is something we haven't done I always ask first even if they have said there is nothing they want me to avoid.

For me, the idea that there is a such thing as an undesirable part is a deal-breaker. I just can't be sexually attracted to someone who doesn't share my understanding of beauty.

I used to be the same way about receiving pleasure. For me it was about feeling like I was supposed to be only a giver, and if I received then I wouldn't be sexy any more. Where do you think your feelings on it came from?