icon: "exuviate (photo of a dragonfly with shimmery green wings after its last metamorphosis, standing next to its previous exoskeleton)"I haven't felt fully seen by someone other than Topaz in a long time and I yearn for that. I don't know if I'm just bad at sharing or if most people have to feel romantic to actually try to see someone or if
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With my retail job, various close friends began to disperse before I finally left. Some were fired, some were let go in the corporate merger, and some found other jobs. In every single one of those situations, their new lives were too different from mine for us to find as much common ground as we did when we could go out for beers and vent about work.
As I entered into a new school for my next level of degree, I had hoped fervently for the same relationships that I had in early nursing school, only to discover that 95% of the work is done online with no face to face interaction.
I ended up looking back at other relationships that had sort of ... ended - not on bad terms but because our lives no longer interacted. Friends that were now married with children. Friends that still want to get incredibly drunk five nights a week. Friends that discovered Cross Fit.
This response has been much more long-winded than I had intended. I just know that I need to realize that I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and -gosh darn it - people like me, so it's okay to be the one to reach out and ask for someone's time and to express how I want to share things with them and to see them in turn, instead of feeling as if I'm intruding in their new lives with their new circle of friends.
Today I started my first job as a nurse, and while I am nervous about being "legit" now, I find myself feeling incredibly at home where I am now and am looking forward to discovering new people in this phase of our lives interacting. It was also a pleasant surprise to find out that SEVEN of my original nursing school classmates are employees, as well. It's nice to have something in common again.
But my dearest James. I love you for all that you are and thank you for including me in your universe.
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