Unethical behavior: loopholes out of agreements, poking people's sore spots

[belenen]

icon: "sceptical (my face, one eyebrow lowered and the other raised, one side of my mouth pulled back in a disbelieving look)"Being around my biofamily made me realize all these things that used to be normal for me that I now consider super shitty behavior. Using loopholes to escape things you agreed to do: this is treating someone as your enemy.

Comments

[delicatexflower]

at least you can say out of a painful situation with M, you can say you are more understanding and compassionate for it. that is a beautiful thing. most people become exactly like the way they were treated growing up (others choose the other way as well) but it was your choice and thank you for choosing to be better then that <3

[belenen]

thank you, lovely <3

[mac_arthur_park]

I really needed to read this today. Thank you.

[belenen]

you're most welcome <3

[antuvschle]

"Using loopholes to escape things you agreed to do: this is treating someone as your enemy

[belenen]

yes, exactly. I hope that your spouse will look at this behavior carefully and decide to build trust instead.

[lilywolfsolomon]

My biofamily taught me so much about all this in the same way, and then in my first relationship, I pretty much played out all the patterns that I'd somehow ingrained and... I got to see that, wow, they really did not work. I mean, not if I wanted *that* kind of love. At this point I can't quite wrap my mind around why people do such things at all. I get that it's learned behaviour but... what really mattered hit me so quickly and I could no longer settle for anything less than realness (I feel like in my case such behaviours were actually a refusal to be real, a backwards way of not admitting vulnerability). And when I'm real, I know that we are always either watering the seeds of relationship or not, in every moment, and I chose to never consciously neglect those seeds. And yet... for so so so many people this is still okay behaviour and just how we learned to do things... I get that but I can no longer even begin to understand it. Knowing I have been unkind to another in this way, even as a tease, just hurts my heart in a way I can

[belenen]

aww, thanks. I hope I can be a better gardener in all ways, every day, than I was the day before.