Unethical behavior: loopholes out of agreements, poking people's sore spots

[belenen]

icon: "sceptical (my face, one eyebrow lowered and the other raised, one side of my mouth pulled back in a disbelieving look)"Being around my biofamily made me realize all these things that used to be normal for me that I now consider super shitty behavior. Using loopholes to escape things you agreed to do: this is treating someone as your enemy.

Comments

[lilywolfsolomon]

My biofamily taught me so much about all this in the same way, and then in my first relationship, I pretty much played out all the patterns that I'd somehow ingrained and... I got to see that, wow, they really did not work. I mean, not if I wanted *that* kind of love. At this point I can't quite wrap my mind around why people do such things at all. I get that it's learned behaviour but... what really mattered hit me so quickly and I could no longer settle for anything less than realness (I feel like in my case such behaviours were actually a refusal to be real, a backwards way of not admitting vulnerability). And when I'm real, I know that we are always either watering the seeds of relationship or not, in every moment, and I chose to never consciously neglect those seeds. And yet... for so so so many people this is still okay behaviour and just how we learned to do things... I get that but I can no longer even begin to understand it. Knowing I have been unkind to another in this way, even as a tease, just hurts my heart in a way I can't describe.

Thank you, I so appreciate your maturity in these ways. Maturity is not a word I use often or even like very much in the way it's often used, it seems to me, to mean pretty much the opposite of queer. But I suppose as a garden metaphor it works just fine. You know how to nurture gardens, you know how to bring fruits to maturity so you are a mature caretaker.

[belenen]

aww, thanks. I hope I can be a better gardener in all ways, every day, than I was the day before.