my relationships are not treated as valid / biofamily doesn't want to know me/ I have never belonged

[belenen]

Last night I brought up the idea to Topaz of having our parents meet and ze seemed hesitant about it. This upset me because it brought up feelings of invalidation. If we were engaged and one of us was assigned male, our parents would want to meet and expect to build a relationship because of the assumption that the kin of kin is important. But the

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[lifeofmendel]

I understand the need to find a sense of belonging, and the desire to shape that, but i feel like the effort should be a within effort as opposed to an external one.

as far as i'm concerned, you can only do so much to make other people feel change their views about something that's so unconventional. The only thing you can do is be yourself, and you should be as yourself as possible. if other people have problems with that, that's their issue, not yours.

now, i know that family is a different sort of issue, that you want to feel a sense of belonging with them because they're kin, because they're people that you love. I'm not sure what to say about that except that you can only do your best to try to make yourself understood. But that should still come from a position of strength and not a position of, well, not *weakness* exactly, but you definitely should come at it with the confidence that the choices that you make are yours, and if others reject it, even kin, well, that's a struggle you'll maybe always have to face and you have to accept it as best you can.

but you shouldn't ever feel like you don't belong. There are always people in your life that will support you, those you love, those who you trust. Strangers or pseudo-strangers like me who understand or have a context to understand what poly is all about and celebrate it as they would celebrate any loving relationship. hold on to that as best you can.

[belenen]

All these things are already true but not the thing im talking about. I think maybe i explained it badly.

[lifeofmendel]

i could have interpreted it incorrectly too. i'll go back and read it again when things are less busy.

*hugs* in any case. :)

[belenen]

*hugs back* thank you <3