I appear to trust more than I do / trusting intentions & trusting followthrough / 77x7 chances

[belenen]

I may seem trusting, perhaps even too trusting. Certainly people have thought that I trusted people because I brought them close to me. (I felt very bad about this after they ended up hurt thinking they could trust someone I trusted, not knowing that I didn't actually trust that person). Let me say this: I trust very few people all the way. I let

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[belenen]

I'm actually not childfree but on the fence about kids -- don't want them now, but might in the future, and I love reading about good parenting (like yours). So, you don't need to worry, I will be interested in your kids.

With Ashe, I feel like you chose zir over me (I think you unfriended me without explanation after Ashe and I broke up the last time, but you stayed friends with zir, unless I'm misremembering something) and that makes me hesitant. I feel like you probably heard Ashe's story, but didn't hear mine, and that doesn't feel good to me. If someone hears something negative about me, something that would make me a less trustworthy person, I want them to ask me flat-out, "did you do this? what are your reasons?" I don't need people to make a choice on who was 'right' but I want to be given the chance to explain myself or disagree with something that has been said about me. I do not want a friend to ever accept someone else's story about me without my input. That feels like I am being untrusted and unimportant, because it is letting someone else's perception color me instead of seeing me directly. There's always context. I want to know that you're not going to listen to anyone say stuff about me and not confront me about it to get my perspective.

You never need apologize for stating your desires with me. I feel like we have a lot of unexplored potential for real friendship and I would like to explore it. I don't make superficial attempts because that's a waste of energy that I don't have a lot of. So, that's how I feel. I'd like to be real friends.

[belenen]

Ah, I can understand why you made that choice, I might have done the same. I wasn't keeping up with my friends page well at that point, and hadn't yet learned the trick of getting notifications for posts by people I didn't want to miss. So I never saw your post. If I had I would have empathized. I'm sorry.