You're going through so much right now, and all of your feelings and reactions are perfectly valid and natural. Oddly enough, I am reading this right after reading about another friend who is going through something very similar re: the holidays after things ended with their spouse. Everyone always says the first holidays after a loss (I consider it a form of loss in need of mourning when you discover the things you believed about a loved one are fictional, because the person you believed in is gone) is the hardest.
***hugs***
I had a couple years when I was really financially out to dry, and I ended up making little certificates for friends with regular pen and notebook paper, offering to do something - like read their cards, shovel their snow, or prepare dinner for them, etc. - ways that I could give when I had nothing material to offer. I remember one relative was content to have me sing over the phone. YMMV, naturally, but I am also someone who loves to give things to the cherished people in life, and I have also experienced the anxiety of the holidays when money is short.
I think for me gift-giving is really focused on two things: showing that I know the person and that I like what I know (by getting them something that is uniquely them), and providing something that makes a little reminder of how they're known and loved, and wrapping it up specially. I wouldn't get the same feeling from giving actions like that -- and yes, my gift-giving is mainly to bring ME happiness, I quite readily admit it (if people gave me money to spend on them (as a present to me), I think that would make me really gleeful). I might find some way to make a little gesture of love, though, because even something impersonal as a stand-in might help make this time feel more like Christmas.
You're going through so much right now, and all of your feelings and reactions are perfectly valid and natural. Oddly enough, I am reading this right after reading about another friend who is going through something very similar re: the holidays after things ended with their spouse. Everyone always says the first holidays after a loss (I consider it a form of loss in need of mourning when you discover the things you believed about a loved one are fictional, because the person you believed in is gone) is the hardest.
***hugs***
I had a couple years when I was really financially out to dry, and I ended up making little certificates for friends with regular pen and notebook paper, offering to do something - like read their cards, shovel their snow, or prepare dinner for them, etc. - ways that I could give when I had nothing material to offer. I remember one relative was content to have me sing over the phone. YMMV, naturally, but I am also someone who loves to give things to the cherished people in life, and I have also experienced the anxiety of the holidays when money is short.
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I think for me gift-giving is really focused on two things: showing that I know the person and that I like what I know (by getting them something that is uniquely them), and providing something that makes a little reminder of how they're known and loved, and wrapping it up specially. I wouldn't get the same feeling from giving actions like that -- and yes, my gift-giving is mainly to bring ME happiness, I quite readily admit it (if people gave me money to spend on them (as a present to me), I think that would make me really gleeful). I might find some way to make a little gesture of love, though, because even something impersonal as a stand-in might help make this time feel more like Christmas.
Thanks so much for sharing your ideas and care ♥
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