music sharing & concert-going w Ben / spiritual experience w Ash / talking art & poetry w Ben
This week has been crazily eventful. Last Wednesday Ben came over and we shared music -- ze introduced me to some of zir favorite groups (complete with pauses for explanation, which I LOVED because for me it adds so much to hear in a person's own words what is important) and then we listened to three Massive Attack albums while kissing and cuddling ♥ Thursday I was emotionally exhausted in a way I haven't been since the first time Aurilion came to visit, but fortunately I knew what was causing it so I felt oddly cheery about feeling crappy.
Friday I impulsively decided to go to a Hope Sandoval & The Warm Inventions concert with Ben, which was rather out of character for me because I prefer to get to know a band before seeing them live -- it really adds a lot for me to know the lyrics (and on first listen I can't 'hear' the lyrics because I'm too distracted by the overall sound). Ohhh, that was SO the right choice. I think I would have enjoyed it if I'd gone alone, but it wouldn't have been worth the cost and the drive. However, experiencing it with Ben was the most incredible musical experience I've ever had (except maybe for The Benjamin Gate's last concert) -- I cannot express the sense of living the music that we shared. I mean, I don't know how ze experienced it (except that afterward ze said ze felt drugged) but I felt like we merged with each other and the music and just breathed it, became extensions of it. I have stepped into music like that before, but doing it WITH someone is exponentially more intense, more beautiful. And if it was that incredible with music that didn't have great personal meaning to me, I can scarcely imagine how transcendent sharing a mutual favorite would be.
Saturday I went tromping through a corn maze for Shel's birthday, which was so fun (even though it was cold). I really love hanging out with Shel ♥ we so need to hang out more often! Later, Ash and I hung out with eviltwin and got a little drunk and broke down some walls. Eviltwin (haven't asked if ze's comfortable with me using zir name so am not using it yet) and I were friends in middle school (when we were both home schooled) and grew apart for various reasons. We'd spent a little time together recently but it wasn't until Saturday that it started to feel like we were making something new rather than just looking at the broken bits of what used to be. And I really like the dynamic of Ash & eviltwin & me, even if they enjoy tormenting me a bit much. Apparently I make it too fun -- if I was clever I'd stare blankly instead of making faces *makes face*
Later (after we'd sobered up a bit), Ash and I sat in zir room and talked a bit and something profound happened -- it's hard to describe. Ash felt the presence of one of zir deities and I felt the presence of a different deity (not one I currently follow) -- Ash experienced a ball of energy that grew from zir center (which I tried to reach out and touch but could not bring myself to do it because it was too intense) and I experienced something a bit less tangible which I can only liken to that shiver feeling that people refer to by saying "a goose walked over my grave" -- happening every few minutes. I think we were both really open and it was pretty intense to share that -- we both felt really drawn to each other to the point where we had to sit across the room from each other. It's created a shift with us that's made things a little complicated, but since I absolutely won't live with a lover (for a long while anyway), and we're both pretty convinced that now is not the right time for an 'us', there's a bit of safety in that (and I do know that we won't be getting drunk together without someone else around!).
Sunday Ash & Ben & I went to the Chastain Arts Festival (which had some truly incredible art), and then went to dinner with Nicole (where the food was yummy and Ash & Ben argued pretty fiercely about the evils/benefits of facebook), and then Ash went home and Ben & I had coffee and talked about various fascinating things. In particular we talked about the elements of 'good' poetry -- we almost agreed but not quite, as (if I understand zir correctly) ze feels that the more meaning a poem conveys and the more people it reaches, the better it is. I don't think that increases a poem's worth because to me, a poem's worth depends solely on the effort put into crafting it and how well it says what the poet meant to express (thus can only be rated meaningfully by its creator). I said that I'd read a poem in high school that struck me as quite ridiculously meaningless but created such a vivid picture in my mind, even to this day, and I feel like that makes it a successful poem (which is mere guesswork on my part -- it seems to me that the point was to create a picture in the reader's mind). I started to describe it and Ben quoted it to me because ze had been thinking of the same poem! This:
so much depends
upon
a red wheel
barrow
glazed with rain
water
beside the white
chickens.
Then we watched "It Might Get Loud," a documentary about playing the electric guitar (focused on Jimmy Page, The Edge, and Jack White) in which the artists spoke about the heart of creation and mentioned a lot of the very same things we'd been talking about. That was quite fun ;-)