my beliefs on humansexuality, the purpose of sex, my own sexuality
For the longest time I wasn't sure what I believed about homosexuality, so I just didn't say anything. I refuse to espouse an opinion unless I feel that I can articulate why it is mine. My beliefs on this subject have been years in the making and I now feel secure that they are right for me, they are what I believe at core.
Initial searchings: When I first started trying to decide what I believe, I knew what the church said -- but I also knew that the church often comes up with crap that has nothing to do with God's intent, and the way the church looked at it just didn't seem right to me. And I knew what the secular world said, but I have never been one to simply accept majority opinion as right.
The first thing I did was read the Bible to see if the religionists (note: I didn't say Christians) were right -- that 'homosexuality' was considered wrong. (at that point I believed that the Bible was infallible and complete) I found that the Bible's very vague about lesbianism -- the attitude seems to be 'it wasn't original intent, but whatever' and it does condemn sodomy. It says nothing about oral sex or anything else to do with a same-sex relationship. (((I've read the verses that mention homosexuality uncountable times, so don't bother trying to argue with me about them -- this is how I interpret them))) (((yet another sidenote -- I no longer believe the Bible is infallible. after all, it doesn't say it is, heh. I think that it was all filtered through the people who wrote it down, and then translated over and over, and I think it contains a LOT of truth but you have to dig for it under cultural assumptions sometimes, such as when Paul said women should cover their heads. obviously that's not an eternal truth)))
So I concluded that the 'wrong' act (according to what the Bible says) was sodomy, not same-sex sex. And that makes sense to me. I may offend some by saying this, but I think that sodomy is an unhealthy act, no matter who the parties are. I also think that 'scat play,' 'golden showers,' and any sort of BDSM are unhealthy, whether they're in hetero or homo relationships. I think that they're self-destructive. ((sidenote: I believe they are unhealthy, but that doesn't mean that I think badly of people for doing them. I think that we all have our ways of trying to understand our experiences, our ways of coping or learning to connect, and sometimes an unhealthy act is the only way to get to a healthier way of life. There's plenty in my own life that is unhealthy, I'm sure)) So yes, I think some 'sex acts' are unhealthy, but I don't think it has anything to do with whether your partner is the same or opposite sex.
IMPORTANT: When I first began trying to form my beliefs about sexuality, I was more of a black-and-white, right-and-wrong sort of person, because I had been trained to be from a very young age. The more I grow and learn, the more I realize that, as 1 Corinthians 6:12 says, "'Everything is permissible for me' -but not everything is beneficial." The laws of the old testament weren't designed for creating a sense of morality -- they were intended to create good health. Eating pork is bad for your body, so is anal sex, simple as that. And back in THOSE days, when there were no condoms or lube? The idea is frightening.
I believe that sex is a physical expression of emotional and spiritual intimacy; I don't think the primary purpose is for procreation or physical enjoyment. (I think when God/dess said 'go and be fruitful' s/he didn't mean, 'go have a million babies' s/he meant grow, develop, bear spiritual fruit.) I believe that we can have emotional & spiritual intimacy with any human being, regardless of genitalia, and that that can fulfill us without sex, or we can choose to expand that intimacy into sexual intimacy as well. I don't think there are inborn penchants for sex; I think that we are limited only by what our experiences have taught us to desire.
I also don't believe in mental gender. I'll probably go deeper into that in another post, but for now I'll just say that I don't believe that there are qualities that are inherently 'feminine' or 'masculine' -- they're all HUMAN qualities. If they seem to divide according to physical sex, that is only because of societal conditioning.
So I believe healthy sex is a human-to-human expression of emotional and spiritual intimacy, and physical gender is unimportant. I believe there is no such thing as 'heterosexual' or 'homosexual' or 'bisexual' or any of the rest -- we're all just human.
As for myself, I'm attracted to everyone -- "I like everything. Boyish girls, girlish boys, the heavy and the skinny. Which is a problem when I'm walking down the street." There are characteristics that catch my eye more than others, but for me sexual attraction could only develop from an emotionally and spiritally intimate relationship. Sometimes a person's persona can make my heart skip, but it's really not predictable by outward appearance; I think that what steals my breath is their spirits shining through. Women catch my attention more, but I think that is because as a group we suffer more and therefore have more opportunity to grow, and I'm attracted to people who have a passion for growth. And I think it's also because I'm married to Nimajneb, and I don't think I've ever met a man who matches his passion for growth -- and I tend to subconsciously compare men to him.
If I must pick a category, I call myself bisexual. To myself, I'm labelfree. I've wanted to express the fact that I am attracted to both sexes for a long time, but I didn't want to do it until I knew how I felt about all sexuality, and felt confident enough to speak it to anyone. I expect that some friends will no longer be interested in me, and that's fine; I understand that my views conflict with many beliefs that have been reinforced for years, and if our relationship isn't stronger than those beliefs, that's okay. If you disagree with me, please do it from the perspective that this is my opinion and it differs from yours: not 'you're wrong, I'm right.' Like I said, these beliefs have been long in development and they are very strong. I'm open to new ideas but none of the old ones are going to change my mind.
comments screened but will be unscreened unless you ask for them to stay screened -- or if I think they're too inflammatory. don't want any comment wars. ;-)
IMPORTANT NOTE: these beliefs have changed upon new realizations which I need to post about! suffice to say that I believe God has no problem with homosexuality itself and never did. (added nov 9, 2007 -- new post to come on the subject soon, hopefully)