Maybe someday I will have the types of friendships I long for but the older I get the more discouraged I feel because time passes and nothing changes.
I don't know if it will be any comfort, but I have found them, after seeking my whole life and feeling despair of ever finding them... it hurts a lot that they are all over the globe and I can't ACT on the cuddles, but it is comforting to know that they are there and that they would if they could. I am determined that within two years I will live near a cuddly friend. I will I will I will, because this is a goal that I am willing to fight for. How important is it to you to have a friend like this? is it something you are willing to move for?
I would really like to meet you. I feel comfortable with you, comfortably intimate. You are passionate and thoughtful, which is a rare combination. I think we should plan to meet for a few days this summer, what do you think? We could exchange hugs and cuddles and kisses. ;-)
I have begun to believe that mature humans are naturally touchy-feely, that the standoffish attitude is not a personality quirk but rather a defense mechanism.... it's something I've been thinking on. Babies will die or be seriously damaged if they don't get enough touch -- that should tell us something.
Believe it or not, Ian and I have discussed moving to Georgia. Not that it is realistic because we are in debt, have zero savings and are living hand to mouth.
Sometimes it's hard to hear about other people having what I long for because it makes me wonder what is so wrong with me that these other people can have it and I can't. It pains me to not have the things I need.
Sometimes it's also hard to hear how close others are because [and I don't know what word to choose because threatened is not exactly it] I feel like a second class citizen in comparison. This is probably why I never comingle my friends and prefer that they don't know one another because there is always some [and I can't find the right word here either because it's not so much jealousy as it is hurt] thing that happens that makes me feel weird.
For example, John was MY friend. I met him. We spent time together. He took the job at Audrey's business because I didn't want to leave her understaffed when I was in England getting Ian sorted. He did it more as a favour for me than for the money. he was going to quit when I returned but then 2 weeks later decided he fell for Audrey. Everything changed. Granted, this is a romantic relationship but it has affected our interactions. Audrey was always my boss and not my friend. We did not hang out. Since John came into the picture we began to become friends which was something I was not comfortable with. So here I am in a situation I don't like. I became friends with my boss which I think is a bad idea and now I have lost a friend to her. I say lost because my relationship with John is not the same and I doubt it ever will be. They [John and Audrey] have a vulgar streak in common which is something that really gets on my nerves. When John was with me he would never ever think to act like that. He does now because that's what he does around Audrey. It makes me not want to be around him now.
This is one of the things I worry about let's say I did move to Georgia. Let's say you and I became real life friends and me and Ashley became real life friends and maybe the both of you introduced me to other people you know. How would that play out? In my head I imagine that there would be feelings of unevenness somewhere and it would turn to weirdness and I would end up being upset. granted that is the worst case scenario but it keeps happening to me so it scares the hell out of me. I don't really know how to keep things balanced.
And I guess sometimes I wonder how close I can be with people becasue I guess in my head I don't see how anyone has energy and time to equally focus on everyone. You have a special bond with certain people in your life and I guess because I am me and I think so lowly of myself I feel like I could never be like that with you and it hurts because I'd want it to be.
This is probably why I never comingle my friends and prefer that they don't know one another because there is always some thing that happens that makes me feel weird.
I used to feel exactly that way... and my friends used to cling to each other and run off without me. Maybe it's the expectation that makes it happen?
Anna, I don't know how you make you believe that this is true, but I truly admire you and love you and want more of you in my life. You're incredible. And if you moved here you and Ashley and I could have naked Tuesdays together!!!! ;-D oh that would be wonderful ♥
And honestly, I think if all members of complex friendships are committed to making it work, there is nothing that can keep it from happening. I know that you are as important to Ashley as you are to me, so I know that we would work it out. We would squeeeeze you until you told us what was bothering you, and then we would work very hard to make up anything we had done, to heal and strengthen the friendship. Really. We love you girl. You have four arms to hold you if you are willing/able to turn to them. ♥
I don't know if it will be any comfort, but I have found them, after seeking my whole life and feeling despair of ever finding them... it hurts a lot that they are all over the globe and I can't ACT on the cuddles, but it is comforting to know that they are there and that they would if they could. I am determined that within two years I will live near a cuddly friend. I will I will I will, because this is a goal that I am willing to fight for. How important is it to you to have a friend like this? is it something you are willing to move for?
I would really like to meet you. I feel comfortable with you, comfortably intimate. You are passionate and thoughtful, which is a rare combination. I think we should plan to meet for a few days this summer, what do you think? We could exchange hugs and cuddles and kisses. ;-)
I have begun to believe that mature humans are naturally touchy-feely, that the standoffish attitude is not a personality quirk but rather a defense mechanism.... it's something I've been thinking on. Babies will die or be seriously damaged if they don't get enough touch -- that should tell us something.
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Sometimes it's hard to hear about other people having what I long for because it makes me wonder what is so wrong with me that these other people can have it and I can't. It pains me to not have the things I need.
Sometimes it's also hard to hear how close others are because [and I don't know what word to choose because threatened is not exactly it] I feel like a second class citizen in comparison. This is probably why I never comingle my friends and prefer that they don't know one another because there is always some [and I can't find the right word here either because it's not so much jealousy as it is hurt] thing that happens that makes me feel weird.
For example, John was MY friend. I met him. We spent time together. He took the job at Audrey's business because I didn't want to leave her understaffed when I was in England getting Ian sorted. He did it more as a favour for me than for the money. he was going to quit when I returned but then 2 weeks later decided he fell for Audrey. Everything changed. Granted, this is a romantic relationship but it has affected our interactions. Audrey was always my boss and not my friend. We did not hang out. Since John came into the picture we began to become friends which was something I was not comfortable with. So here I am in a situation I don't like. I became friends with my boss which I think is a bad idea and now I have lost a friend to her. I say lost because my relationship with John is not the same and I doubt it ever will be. They [John and Audrey] have a vulgar streak in common which is something that really gets on my nerves. When John was with me he would never ever think to act like that. He does now because that's what he does around Audrey. It makes me not want to be around him now.
This is one of the things I worry about let's say I did move to Georgia. Let's say you and I became real life friends and me and Ashley became real life friends and maybe the both of you introduced me to other people you know. How would that play out? In my head I imagine that there would be feelings of unevenness somewhere and it would turn to weirdness and I would end up being upset. granted that is the worst case scenario but it keeps happening to me so it scares the hell out of me. I don't really know how to keep things balanced.
And I guess sometimes I wonder how close I can be with people becasue I guess in my head I don't see how anyone has energy and time to equally focus on everyone. You have a special bond with certain people in your life and I guess because I am me and I think so lowly of myself I feel like I could never be like that with you and it hurts because I'd want it to be.
I have no idea if what I am saying makes sense.
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I used to feel exactly that way... and my friends used to cling to each other and run off without me. Maybe it's the expectation that makes it happen?
Anna, I don't know how you make you believe that this is true, but I truly admire you and love you and want more of you in my life. You're incredible. And if you moved here you and Ashley and I could have naked Tuesdays together!!!! ;-D oh that would be wonderful ♥
And honestly, I think if all members of complex friendships are committed to making it work, there is nothing that can keep it from happening. I know that you are as important to Ashley as you are to me, so I know that we would work it out. We would squeeeeze you until you told us what was bothering you, and then we would work very hard to make up anything we had done, to heal and strengthen the friendship. Really. We love you girl. You have four arms to hold you if you are willing/able to turn to them. ♥
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