I thought of some more to add. Obviously I have a lot to say about this topic as I suppose it is one ver cloise to my heart that I do not speak of.
I have ALWAYS been the one to extend myself whether it be with friends or boyfriends. Always calling people and meeting them more than halfway both literally and figuratively.
When I was in 6th grade I had a best friend named Gina. She would tell me to meet her halfways between my house and her house. I would always end up walking the full way because she would not get there when promised and I would start having anxiety attacks about it. It was awful. Despite all this we stayed friends and she ended up moving to FL about an hour away from where I live. The only time she ever bothered to come see me was for my second wedding and she complained the entire time about how far I lived and how she got lost getting here. She eventually became engaged and I was never asked to be a bridesmaid even though I was the friend she knew the longest. I did not attend her wedding when she told me that if I wanted to bring someone the only person I was allowed to bring was my mother because she was not going to pay for some guy [as I was divorced by that time] that I would not be talking to in a couploe of months anyway. Then she threw in my face how I never returned the wedding gift she gave me since I was married less than a year and it was proper etiquette to do so. I never spoke to her again. People always do these things to me and I am very sick and tired of being treated this way. For a change I want someone to ask me how THEY can HELP me...it would mean so much to have someone [especially Ian] ask What can I do for YOU? Even if I have no idea what they can do, it means the world that someone would bother to ask.
I have ALWAYS been the one to extend myself whether it be with friends or boyfriends. Always calling people and meeting them more than halfway both literally and figuratively.
I know how that is -- that's how I was my whole life until the past year, and it was so incredibly frustrating. I felt like I just wasn't good enough to be loved for who I was, just for what I did. And therefore I was terrified of making mistakes because I expected to be dropped, dismissed, forgotten for them. Often I was.
I don't know what it is that has made a change, but now I find myself being pursued for the first time in my life, and I don't know how to handle it. I LOVE it when someone emails or writes me or comments, but I am terrible about responding! It doesn't make sense.
I think it has something to do with the new company that I keep, and with the new person that I am. I no longer cling to people who only want me for what they can get from me, and I see myself as a person that others are lucky to be friends with. YOU are a person others are lucky to be friends with, do you wholeheatedly agree with that? Because it is so true. You have so much to offer. But a friendship isn't just about one person giving -- it's about both giving to each other and helping each other to grow. One of the hardest things I have learned is that when someone is not giving to you and not helping you to grow, they are not your friend, and giving to them is pouring water down the drain. It might help them, sure, but it's only going to drain you, so if you're going to give to them you need to have other relationships that are nourishing enough to make up for it. If they are not giving to you or helping you to grow, it is no shame to let them go, because they have already made the choice to not be your friend.
I feel like you have such a giving spirit, such a kind heart, and you find it very hard to give up on people. But perhaps learning how to do that is exactly what you need. If your 'friendships' tear you down, they aren't real friendships... and if you are tired of being treated terribly, then draw the line sooner. If a relationship goes stangant, no positivity or growth, then stir it up -- if it gets better keep it, if it doesn't, toss it. You can always get it later if the time is right, and keeping it isn't going to do you any good -- it will probably result in you being treated terribly once again.
I have never ever been pursued. Not by friends or boyfriends. I really can't imagine that happening as I have no reference point. In my head I like to be pursued or at least it would seem that way. Aloof has never been something I can pull off. I am so fed up with always being the one who does everything.
I definitely have issues with self-worth. Sometimes I think I am ok but most of the time I just feel disposable and crappy.
I don't really have a hard time giving up on people. I tend to have a revolving door of friendships and when it gets too tough I'm over it. Kind of like what I have going on with Audrey and John right now. I have no one else to call so sometimes I talk to them but I don't feel like they are my true friends. We are definitely not from the same tribe. They just don't get me.
I have ALWAYS been the one to extend myself whether it be with friends or boyfriends. Always calling people and meeting them more than halfway both literally and figuratively.
When I was in 6th grade I had a best friend named Gina. She would tell me to meet her halfways between my house and her house. I would always end up walking the full way because she would not get there when promised and I would start having anxiety attacks about it. It was awful. Despite all this we stayed friends and she ended up moving to FL about an hour away from where I live. The only time she ever bothered to come see me was for my second wedding and she complained the entire time about how far I lived and how she got lost getting here. She eventually became engaged and I was never asked to be a bridesmaid even though I was the friend she knew the longest. I did not attend her wedding when she told me that if I wanted to bring someone the only person I was allowed to bring was my mother because she was not going to pay for some guy [as I was divorced by that time] that I would not be talking to in a couploe of months anyway. Then she threw in my face how I never returned the wedding gift she gave me since I was married less than a year and it was proper etiquette to do so. I never spoke to her again. People always do these things to me and I am very sick and tired of being treated this way. For a change I want someone to ask me how THEY can HELP me...it would mean so much to have someone [especially Ian] ask What can I do for YOU? Even if I have no idea what they can do, it means the world that someone would bother to ask.
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I know how that is -- that's how I was my whole life until the past year, and it was so incredibly frustrating. I felt like I just wasn't good enough to be loved for who I was, just for what I did. And therefore I was terrified of making mistakes because I expected to be dropped, dismissed, forgotten for them. Often I was.
I don't know what it is that has made a change, but now I find myself being pursued for the first time in my life, and I don't know how to handle it. I LOVE it when someone emails or writes me or comments, but I am terrible about responding! It doesn't make sense.
I think it has something to do with the new company that I keep, and with the new person that I am. I no longer cling to people who only want me for what they can get from me, and I see myself as a person that others are lucky to be friends with. YOU are a person others are lucky to be friends with, do you wholeheatedly agree with that? Because it is so true. You have so much to offer. But a friendship isn't just about one person giving -- it's about both giving to each other and helping each other to grow. One of the hardest things I have learned is that when someone is not giving to you and not helping you to grow, they are not your friend, and giving to them is pouring water down the drain. It might help them, sure, but it's only going to drain you, so if you're going to give to them you need to have other relationships that are nourishing enough to make up for it. If they are not giving to you or helping you to grow, it is no shame to let them go, because they have already made the choice to not be your friend.
I feel like you have such a giving spirit, such a kind heart, and you find it very hard to give up on people. But perhaps learning how to do that is exactly what you need. If your 'friendships' tear you down, they aren't real friendships... and if you are tired of being treated terribly, then draw the line sooner. If a relationship goes stangant, no positivity or growth, then stir it up -- if it gets better keep it, if it doesn't, toss it. You can always get it later if the time is right, and keeping it isn't going to do you any good -- it will probably result in you being treated terribly once again.
These are just my opinions of course. ;-)
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I definitely have issues with self-worth. Sometimes I think I am ok but most of the time I just feel disposable and crappy.
I don't really have a hard time giving up on people. I tend to have a revolving door of friendships and when it gets too tough I'm over it. Kind of like what I have going on with Audrey and John right now. I have no one else to call so sometimes I talk to them but I don't feel like they are my true friends. We are definitely not from the same tribe. They just don't get me.
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