There is no "it." I have always approached this matter differently, but I have been able to get to know the situation because I have basically lived with women all my life. That really is why I have such an anti-sexist stance. My point is, that maybe putting them on another plane of existence isn't the way to go about it. I'm not trying to tell you how you see women, because I'm not you, it is just what I am getting from your discussion. Aside from what typical comedians talk about, there are more to relationships than just money, greed, whatever. There is a lot, and the longer you stay with someone...well, it piles up. But, most guys will sit around and not want or even care to figure that out at all, so I like that you are at least asking. But you have to be more specific, that conversation starter was very vague.
However, little things go a long way too. Start with, you hear girls complaining about their boyfriends. Well, most people don't go on parades bragging about how good their life is do they? If someone is gonna say something usually it is a small or major complaint, nothing serious. But, that isn't all that is going on...you have to look much more into a situation. With stuff like this, it is never what you think. There is always two sides to what seems to be a shitty story. But anyway, these boyfriends could do very little things that make a big difference, the tired cliche of money and looks or whatever, doesn't matter as much, so really, enough of that.
I would ahve mroe to say and more constructive things to say if i actually knew you and hung out with you personally, because with out that, really, im vague as hell too, im just going with what i know, you know?
Wow, that was actually a very well written post Kurt, thanks heh. To address some points ya made in a haphazard manner.. I know how much there is too relationships, and sadly, I don't think most people do, not even close. Most of the relationships I observe, or situations like this in my discussion, by MY standards, arn't relationships at all. There is nothing solid there. However, by public viewpoint, these are relationships, so I must go with the majority opinion on the meaning of the word. Thats actually why most of my recent relationships ended. The person had no idea what it was to be in a relationship, they only wanted bits and pieces of it. When I said "wheres the rest" they'd become flat out worthless and I'd dump em, or, as more common in the past, just cheat on me a month prior to this and think I wouldnt figure it out heh. My conversation starters I list ARE vague because, theres nothing to remember. I just talk to people, like I do anyone else. My criteria for women after meeting them is simple. Did we have an intelligent conversation we were both actually interested in what the other had to say? Did she actually LIKE my sense of humor? Alot of people don't, it can be very sarcastic and black, it's not for everyone, I accept that. If we have a nice talk, she actually seemed to care what was going on, and my humor didnt bother her, then I try and keep contact with that person. If things go well for a while and there single, I ask em if they wanna go grab dinner or something sometime. Its quite unremarkable, and not worth noting, so I don't. All I can assure you is, people who are sane, have watched me do this, and get horridly shot down time and time again, and they are just as confused as me. Also the few times I've given advice to another, it's worked very well, so...*shrug* Just gotta trust me and my witnesses I spose. I'm aware of the 2 sides to every story thing. However, regardless of whos right/wrong, lying or not, someone isn't happy. Suffice to say, I know people in general very well, and I dont jump to any conclusions when I hear someone bagging on their significant other. I build these cases over time. Also, I do hear people talk about how good their significant others are, and i'm extremely jealous of those people. If these "bad" boyfriends are doing little things that mean alot to women, what are they? And how do they attract them regardless in the first place? A few people who know me in RL, some who read this, have seen and heard me do some outragously kind stuff for women I've dated, and most of them couldn't believe I'd do anything of the sort for someone. I have trouble believing these guys are doing something different, or im meeting 100% of the wrong women. Money and looks isnt a cliche, but it only goes so far as to gateway people together, or keep them around to be used for it. A guy will keep a 9 or 10 of a girl around, even if she annoys the fuck out of him, because shes hot. A woman will put up with a man shes repulsed by, if shes set for life because of his money. You can walk outside, turn on the tv, or read a newspaper to prove this. As for people I hang out with personally, it's only 2-3 people really, and there all the same. Big gaming geeks who watch horror and action flicks, except where they are shy about talking to girls and well, don't at all, I take initative. Am I trying to hard? Lately, no, I'm not. The first 6 months I was single? Yeah, I said I wasn't, but I can go back and look at it now and realize, I prolly was. The good news is, I think I saved myself alot of trouble by being in that mindset, so I don't regret it but, it isn't the best thing to do. Last but not least, your comment about them being on another plane of existance. This is a good statement, and I'm not sure where im at with this anymore honestly.
Back in the day, I had women on a pedastal. Too many family 80's movies. Them before me always, give everything you can for them, etc. Basically I was a romanatic sucker. After getting a wake up call, I put em on my level. Were all just people looking for what we want, and someone to spend it with. However, over the last 3 years, my experiences with women have been nothing but horrendous and nightmarish (scratch that, there is 1 exception) and I see so much....petty...EVIL, for lack of a better word from most of them, I think the plane of existance has shifted again. I look at MOST (not all) of them now with disgust. I see them as less than me, that they DON'T deserve what they get, because they do nothing but hurt others to get it. I am trying despertaly in my life, for MANY reasons, to prove this wrong but, no one is "letting me down" like I want them too. So I honestly worry about my psyche in this respect. Im so jaded, bitter, and cynical now over this, is like bizarro land. Maybe thats part of why I brought this topic up, who knows. Anywho, I think I replied to every major comment in there, completely out of order and in a very unorganized manner so, reply away! Thanks Kurt
hrm... well, i can understand your cynicism towards people, but why direct it at a gender. i have seen fowl play on both sides. but i think if you are trying to find a girl then this might also be hindering you. if she is perceptive, intelligent and sensitive then she will undoubtedly pick up on the way you feel about women and then most likely not want to spend the time trying to prove herself in your eyes when you first meet. why should she have to make up for other peoples short comings? maybe when you meet someone you should let them be on a clean slate and not expect them to try and rattle your own preconceptions.
i guess what im trying to say that if the girl is worth her weight in salt then she will pick up on your sentiments and if she is interested in dating you that might put her off.
well, what can hinder your chance is having this predisposition about women, and i know you said not all but most of them. Well here is the thing, you can see it that way with any sex, race or whatever, it is easier to just say most people aren't compatible with you, i feel that way completely, to be honest, most people bother me to an extraordinary level. So saying most women are simple minded evil people does not mean there are that many men who are worse. so why even claim that? Take a different perspective, you are a different person from most, I don't know you very much but from what I have gathered, you don't seem like the playboy "lets get fucked and fuck" kinda fratboy am i right? so be happy that you can skip all the bullshit in what you want. but thats not all. with being different you should have a good judge of character, this is something a bit more hard to be skilled at. you can read all the books you want, or watch any television and it will probably just confuse you. but also being a good judge of character doesnt mean you know their future, but you just get a basic idea of trust or something along those lines. but if you trust just anyone, hell ya they will let you down, thats people, men or women, and if there is aliens, most of them will fuck us too, its very much life.
jaded and bitter? okay, I take different approaches on that, but you know, there are gay couples who are totally into each other and happy, but they cant get married or if one of them is dying in a hospital bed the other doesn't have rights to them, so the family can tell the to fuck off. so if my relationship goes bad, ill always know it could be like that, and thats fucked. now dont get me wrong, im not saying you cant be hurt over what happens, just a thought, nothing sharp or pointed. i hope im staying on the subject correctly, ive been known to trail off like henry rollins, but goddamn, i love his style.
However, little things go a long way too. Start with, you hear girls complaining about their boyfriends. Well, most people don't go on parades bragging about how good their life is do they? If someone is gonna say something usually it is a small or major complaint, nothing serious. But, that isn't all that is going on...you have to look much more into a situation. With stuff like this, it is never what you think. There is always two sides to what seems to be a shitty story. But anyway, these boyfriends could do very little things that make a big difference, the tired cliche of money and looks or whatever, doesn't matter as much, so really, enough of that.
I would ahve mroe to say and more constructive things to say if i actually knew you and hung out with you personally, because with out that, really, im vague as hell too, im just going with what i know, you know?
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To address some points ya made in a haphazard manner..
I know how much there is too relationships, and sadly, I don't think most people do, not even close. Most of the relationships I observe, or situations like this in my discussion, by MY standards, arn't relationships at all. There is nothing solid there. However, by public viewpoint, these are relationships, so I must go with the majority opinion on the meaning of the word. Thats actually why most of my recent relationships ended. The person had no idea what it was to be in a relationship, they only wanted bits and pieces of it. When I said "wheres the rest" they'd become flat out worthless and I'd dump em, or, as more common in the past, just cheat on me a month prior to this and think I wouldnt figure it out heh.
My conversation starters I list ARE vague because, theres nothing to remember. I just talk to people, like I do anyone else. My criteria for women after meeting them is simple. Did we have an intelligent conversation we were both actually interested in what the other had to say? Did she actually LIKE my sense of humor? Alot of people don't, it can be very sarcastic and black, it's not for everyone, I accept that.
If we have a nice talk, she actually seemed to care what was going on, and my humor didnt bother her, then I try and keep contact with that person. If things go well for a while and there single, I ask em if they wanna go grab dinner or something sometime. Its quite unremarkable, and not worth noting, so I don't. All I can assure you is, people who are sane, have watched me do this, and get horridly shot down time and time again, and they are just as confused as me. Also the few times I've given advice to another, it's worked very well, so...*shrug* Just gotta trust me and my witnesses I spose.
I'm aware of the 2 sides to every story thing. However, regardless of whos right/wrong, lying or not, someone isn't happy. Suffice to say, I know people in general very well, and I dont jump to any conclusions when I hear someone bagging on their significant other. I build these cases over time. Also, I do hear people talk about how good their significant others are, and i'm extremely jealous of those people.
If these "bad" boyfriends are doing little things that mean alot to women, what are they? And how do they attract them regardless in the first place?
A few people who know me in RL, some who read this, have seen and heard me do some outragously kind stuff for women I've dated, and most of them couldn't believe I'd do anything of the sort for someone. I have trouble believing these guys are doing something different, or im meeting 100% of the wrong women.
Money and looks isnt a cliche, but it only goes so far as to gateway people together, or keep them around to be used for it.
A guy will keep a 9 or 10 of a girl around, even if she annoys the fuck out of him, because shes hot. A woman will put up with a man shes repulsed by, if shes set for life because of his money. You can walk outside, turn on the tv, or read a newspaper to prove this.
As for people I hang out with personally, it's only 2-3 people really, and there all the same. Big gaming geeks who watch horror and action flicks, except where they are shy about talking to girls and well, don't at all, I take initative.
Am I trying to hard? Lately, no, I'm not.
The first 6 months I was single? Yeah, I said I wasn't, but I can go back and look at it now and realize, I prolly was. The good news is, I think I saved myself alot of trouble by being in that mindset, so I don't regret it but, it isn't the best thing to do.
Last but not least, your comment about them being on another plane of existance. This is a good statement, and I'm not sure where im at with this anymore honestly.
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Anywho, I think I replied to every major comment in there, completely out of order and in a very unorganized manner so, reply away!
Thanks Kurt
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jaded and bitter? okay, I take different approaches on that, but you know, there are gay couples who are totally into each other and happy, but they cant get married or if one of them is dying in a hospital bed the other doesn't have rights to them, so the family can tell the to fuck off. so if my relationship goes bad, ill always know it could be like that, and thats fucked. now dont get me wrong, im not saying you cant be hurt over what happens, just a thought, nothing sharp or pointed. i hope im staying on the subject correctly, ive been known to trail off like henry rollins, but goddamn, i love his style.
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