Lets discuss "It"
I'd like to bring up something intangible, but it's something thats bothered me for years.
I bring this up now because, even though I see it every day, its rarely I have it shoved in my face. I have tried for the longest time to indentify what "It" is, and have yet to find an answer.
Yes, I am talking about "it".
No, not the movie, no, not something I forgot the name of, and no, im not being cryptic.
What I mean is, the "it" that attracts women to a guy.
Whatever "it" is, I surely don't have it, I can't indentify what makes it "it", I cant reproduce it, and frankly it's just a pain in the ass.
Now, like all men, I have no idea wtf is up with women in general. Trying to figure them out is impossible. Theres only certain more common than not possibilities and explanations to explain them, and only a handful are hard facts. Learn what you can and work with whatcha got.
However, "it" is beyond explanation.
Everyone reading this knows someone with "it". "It" is whatever some guys have, that simply pulls women to them. These are guys that never have trouble getting a date. These are the guys that have to actually blow women off, and have never had to "hunt" for a woman. You know who im talking about. The guys goes out to a bar, and has 5-6 talking to him, at a party, hes the #1 guy, and at work, hes the guy the women talk about when hes not around, and its all quite positive.
Now, to make sure you all know what I'm talking about, I am NOT talking about the guys who have certain obvious things going for them.
As a general rule, we know women are attracted to success, in its various forms. If the guy has tons of cash, thats the obvious reason to get the above reactions, I am NOT talking about something you can narrow the attraction down too.
So keeping this in mind, bar out the follow.
-Exceptional good looks
-Incredible Personality
-The "Money" Effect
-Being able to help them professionally (IE: Going after the Boss etc)
We can all agree, anyone possessing 1 or more of these attributes will do better. Thats just how things are, I can accept that.
What i'm talking about is, someone who possesses none of these traits, and still women just flock to him for no logical reason. What the hell is this?
I've had the awesome displeasure of knowing several people with "it", as well as people with some of the above attributes.
Now personally, I have none of the above special attributes. To a degree, I have the money effect, as in, I have a level of success in life that most people my age do not have, however, I'm clearly missing, or am unable to project, whatever the success is women do want, for it has done nothing for me.
Regardless, most of my life, my company has been people in these categories. Now, understand, my good friends, all like...3 of them now, but even those in the past, have all been very unsocial with women. Were gamers and geeks, its our lot in life. Now, to their defect, they also NEVER approach women, talk to them etc, so anything else going against them, is a moot point since they don't try.
However, those I went to school with, have casually known, friends of friends, and coworkers, all either had stupidly good looks, came from a rich family, or had "it".
I really don't need to explain how this has effected me in life socially. Its quite a confusing and frustrating kick in the proverbial balls.
Over the last year, as I've been well, to not be light on myself, a miserable failure socially with the ladies, I've been trying to evaluate what it is I'm doing "wrong".
I've gone over this with myself many times, and I really can't pin it down. I know when I've dropped the ball with women, and I usually figure out "yeah, I shouldn't have done that" or whatevere shortly after I do it but, I really truly don't know what I've been doing incorrectly anymore. I don't know how else to be.
Now, the greater mystery than this is, what are those with "it" doing differently?
What I saw last week, just muddied the waters even further.
We have a new guy at work, been there about a month or so.
He's 19, average looking guy. Certainly not bad looking. His personality is nothing special or excpetional, but hes a good enough sort. However theres certain things, I simply can't figure out.
He's a major power drinker. Like, hes living the college life before college, and well, hes underaged, durr happens all the time, no biggy. He smokes a pack of cigs a day, can be quite crude, openly and almost proudly breaks wind whenever not at his desk, and has a smoking hot girlfriend, that he seems to moderately care about.
Well, this is what I know from almost a month of casually talking to him. I'm only making an assumption here, but I'm sure theres many other things that wouldnt paint him in an attractive light.
So, bearing all this in mind, lets discuss to females at work.
1 of them is a standard these days (sadly) of girls fresh into college. Shes attractive and knows it, has a chip on her shoulder like you wouldn't believe, and is basically an all around stuck up gimme the world kinda girl. Shes on a free ride for home and college, only has to work part time, and doesn't do much while there, and knows it, so she takes every advantage.
The other girl a friend of hers, is actually a bit different. Shes in college, but is paying for it. Working full time (Was part time) is shy and smarter than average for kids of her age group and is a good worker and friendly. If she didn't work there, and didn't express the usual disdain women do when being around me, I'd prolly ask her out just to say I tried.
Anyways, the first girl wouldn't give me the time of day except that she has to work with me, and the other would simply because shes nice, but no other reason.
So, when I overhear both of them engaging the new guy in some normal beyond 5 minute work banter, and I hear both of them trying to find out what he's doing this weekend, and BOTH offering him their numbers without him prodding, and him more or less, blowing them off with a well practiced line, it bothers me. How does this happen? What is "it" that causes this?
what does he do differently, than I, that causes these black and white reactions?
I don't know, but there it was, plain as day, right in my face, and its simply depressing. People like this have never had to socially work for anything. When I tell people like him, of how many social existance with others is, they simply don't understand. They cannot COMPREHEND how my life with the opposite sex is, because it's simply an unseen and unheard of thing. Much like, I cannot even fanthom, how having women come onto you like that, or wishing to speak you in numbers like that, must feel. I cannot imagine it, as they cannot imagine how things go for me.
So, does this mean, there are 2 "its"?. A positive and a negative? A ying and a yang? Can these be changed? Are they just a part of our aura? An invisible but sensible essence that radiates from some chosen individuals for weal or woe, socially?
I don't know the answer, and things like this truly bother me, for there isnt any scientific way to approach the situation. Anything that goes beyond basic logic usually is just a course toward frustration for me.
There isn't a point to this post really, except its a process of thought thats been with me all week, I felt I'd put into writing, so I have. Maybe someone reading this has an idea, or has seen something similar and can relate, or knows someone who can.
Please, anyone who reads this, discuss. Maybe if nothing else, this can be good conversation.
-Beld
I bring this up now because, even though I see it every day, its rarely I have it shoved in my face. I have tried for the longest time to indentify what "It" is, and have yet to find an answer.
Yes, I am talking about "it".
No, not the movie, no, not something I forgot the name of, and no, im not being cryptic.
What I mean is, the "it" that attracts women to a guy.
Whatever "it" is, I surely don't have it, I can't indentify what makes it "it", I cant reproduce it, and frankly it's just a pain in the ass.
Now, like all men, I have no idea wtf is up with women in general. Trying to figure them out is impossible. Theres only certain more common than not possibilities and explanations to explain them, and only a handful are hard facts. Learn what you can and work with whatcha got.
However, "it" is beyond explanation.
Everyone reading this knows someone with "it". "It" is whatever some guys have, that simply pulls women to them. These are guys that never have trouble getting a date. These are the guys that have to actually blow women off, and have never had to "hunt" for a woman. You know who im talking about. The guys goes out to a bar, and has 5-6 talking to him, at a party, hes the #1 guy, and at work, hes the guy the women talk about when hes not around, and its all quite positive.
Now, to make sure you all know what I'm talking about, I am NOT talking about the guys who have certain obvious things going for them.
As a general rule, we know women are attracted to success, in its various forms. If the guy has tons of cash, thats the obvious reason to get the above reactions, I am NOT talking about something you can narrow the attraction down too.
So keeping this in mind, bar out the follow.
-Exceptional good looks
-Incredible Personality
-The "Money" Effect
-Being able to help them professionally (IE: Going after the Boss etc)
We can all agree, anyone possessing 1 or more of these attributes will do better. Thats just how things are, I can accept that.
What i'm talking about is, someone who possesses none of these traits, and still women just flock to him for no logical reason. What the hell is this?
I've had the awesome displeasure of knowing several people with "it", as well as people with some of the above attributes.
Now personally, I have none of the above special attributes. To a degree, I have the money effect, as in, I have a level of success in life that most people my age do not have, however, I'm clearly missing, or am unable to project, whatever the success is women do want, for it has done nothing for me.
Regardless, most of my life, my company has been people in these categories. Now, understand, my good friends, all like...3 of them now, but even those in the past, have all been very unsocial with women. Were gamers and geeks, its our lot in life. Now, to their defect, they also NEVER approach women, talk to them etc, so anything else going against them, is a moot point since they don't try.
However, those I went to school with, have casually known, friends of friends, and coworkers, all either had stupidly good looks, came from a rich family, or had "it".
I really don't need to explain how this has effected me in life socially. Its quite a confusing and frustrating kick in the proverbial balls.
Over the last year, as I've been well, to not be light on myself, a miserable failure socially with the ladies, I've been trying to evaluate what it is I'm doing "wrong".
I've gone over this with myself many times, and I really can't pin it down. I know when I've dropped the ball with women, and I usually figure out "yeah, I shouldn't have done that" or whatevere shortly after I do it but, I really truly don't know what I've been doing incorrectly anymore. I don't know how else to be.
Now, the greater mystery than this is, what are those with "it" doing differently?
What I saw last week, just muddied the waters even further.
We have a new guy at work, been there about a month or so.
He's 19, average looking guy. Certainly not bad looking. His personality is nothing special or excpetional, but hes a good enough sort. However theres certain things, I simply can't figure out.
He's a major power drinker. Like, hes living the college life before college, and well, hes underaged, durr happens all the time, no biggy. He smokes a pack of cigs a day, can be quite crude, openly and almost proudly breaks wind whenever not at his desk, and has a smoking hot girlfriend, that he seems to moderately care about.
Well, this is what I know from almost a month of casually talking to him. I'm only making an assumption here, but I'm sure theres many other things that wouldnt paint him in an attractive light.
So, bearing all this in mind, lets discuss to females at work.
1 of them is a standard these days (sadly) of girls fresh into college. Shes attractive and knows it, has a chip on her shoulder like you wouldn't believe, and is basically an all around stuck up gimme the world kinda girl. Shes on a free ride for home and college, only has to work part time, and doesn't do much while there, and knows it, so she takes every advantage.
The other girl a friend of hers, is actually a bit different. Shes in college, but is paying for it. Working full time (Was part time) is shy and smarter than average for kids of her age group and is a good worker and friendly. If she didn't work there, and didn't express the usual disdain women do when being around me, I'd prolly ask her out just to say I tried.
Anyways, the first girl wouldn't give me the time of day except that she has to work with me, and the other would simply because shes nice, but no other reason.
So, when I overhear both of them engaging the new guy in some normal beyond 5 minute work banter, and I hear both of them trying to find out what he's doing this weekend, and BOTH offering him their numbers without him prodding, and him more or less, blowing them off with a well practiced line, it bothers me. How does this happen? What is "it" that causes this?
what does he do differently, than I, that causes these black and white reactions?
I don't know, but there it was, plain as day, right in my face, and its simply depressing. People like this have never had to socially work for anything. When I tell people like him, of how many social existance with others is, they simply don't understand. They cannot COMPREHEND how my life with the opposite sex is, because it's simply an unseen and unheard of thing. Much like, I cannot even fanthom, how having women come onto you like that, or wishing to speak you in numbers like that, must feel. I cannot imagine it, as they cannot imagine how things go for me.
So, does this mean, there are 2 "its"?. A positive and a negative? A ying and a yang? Can these be changed? Are they just a part of our aura? An invisible but sensible essence that radiates from some chosen individuals for weal or woe, socially?
I don't know the answer, and things like this truly bother me, for there isnt any scientific way to approach the situation. Anything that goes beyond basic logic usually is just a course toward frustration for me.
There isn't a point to this post really, except its a process of thought thats been with me all week, I felt I'd put into writing, so I have. Maybe someone reading this has an idea, or has seen something similar and can relate, or knows someone who can.
Please, anyone who reads this, discuss. Maybe if nothing else, this can be good conversation.
-Beld