its been far too long.
i have no idea how i even rememberd i have a livejournal. But lately i have so many bottled emotions i just thought it couldnt hurt to update. Summer of 2006 was insance, to say the least. It really helped knowing i had an amazing best friend at my side threw it all. no bullshit fighting nothing of that sort one bit. everything went well, i learned so much and realized much more. i got so sick of being the girl you go to for a booty call and nothing more. i finally turned that around, i needed it. i started hangin out with an old friend at the end of the summer and i realized theres so much more out there for me. I started to really enjoying spending time with him, which was so different. i acctually enjoyed his company instead of just sex. My lack of words got me in trouble yet again. it just couldnt work. Maybe im not ready for a relationship? Maybe i just wasnt that into him. Either way. im back to being single agian. and i really dont have too many words for that. im not happy about it, but im def. not sad? i dont know.. everyones off at college. and im stuck at home, im not complaing that much. becasue i do have all my best friends home, but i feel like somethings missing. All i do is work and sleep and eat. no time for fun. Friday nights just arent the same. Tonights the homecoming game and i just can not bring myself to go. Its not even MY school im cheering for, whats the point? i feel as if im done with high school ive had my share of missed memories and all that jazz, but i have no reason to go back. If it was even kimball i was going back to ; i would probably consider it. i really miss the football games. maybe more becasue im home and im still living in it, but i cant get away. im bummed i wont be going to the game but i can not bring myself to cheer on the royal oak ravens? thats makes me want to vomit. ill always be a knight, sorry. i almost want to go out to best buy and get the greys anatomy season 1 on dvd. But then i think, why would i go and spend money on something that will only make me think more, cry more, and just be flat out sad? for all those reason it makes me feel a 1000 times better about life. me and sara got our halloween costumes yesturday. im sooo happy with them they are oh-so cute! and very cheap. ima cheap bitch now that i have my own cash and i have bills to pay. it really blows. i just wanna go shopping. Im going to school in january. and i think that will help me get over high school. i wanna meet new people or a new boy that i acctually like and would enjoy being around. that doesnt mind that i have boys that are just friends and that i drink beer on the weekends. sheesh ; but i cant really do that. becasue i acctually liked that boy who made me think all those things were wrong of me to be doing. and i have not a fucking clue why he is so different from all the rest. why do i care? its been almost 4 days and i cant get it off my mind. i dont even want to look for someone else, or try to hang with someone else. i liked him and i liked being around HIM. but becasue im romance intolerant i loose everyone. Why am i so affraid to let another human being know how i feel for them?