the longest entry ever.... i don't do cuts, so deal :)
"there are always ways to improve things.. the question is are you willing to go after what you want to improve upon. balance is a scary thing. it can be awesome, but move just an inch and you run the risk of falling over and dropping everything. real happiness and contentment comes not from getting what we want but from wanting what we have
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dad, mom-mom and i can remember back when you were 5 years old and went to the National Zoo for the first time. we took the metro and then walked about 5 blocks to the Zoo. and you had the biggest eyes in the world. you looked at all the vendors and the row houses, and the neat little, tiny yards and you looked up at all of us and said right then "i wanna grow up and live in a big city. and i wanna have an important job" i squatted down and said, "punka, if you move away to a big city, you won't be with me anymore. and you cupped my face in both of your little five year hands and said 'it's all right momma, i'll still love you'
it could have been a fortune cookie that lead you off texas. an arrow drawn in the stars. or even a one way ticket to hell with a get out free card in austin. it just so happened to be the most Beautiful Disaster you'd ever laid eyes on. and in a few short months it happened. MY AUGUST 15, 2005, and HER APRIL 26, 2006 exact words.
Here are my feelings on some of her comments:
chaz- the pain and shambles you left MY life in can't even begin to compare to what you've done to her. to use me the way you did, and to lie about it has hurt me far deeper than you could ever begin to imagine. you showed me an entirely new purpose to my life, a new religion and guided me along that path, teaching me so many things. things i can now do on my own. but still, i miss the closeness we had, as mentor and student. that can't ever happen again. because unlike my beautiful and blessed daughter. i don't forget. or forgive. not when the offense is so great. and this offense is one of lies.
Sara- all i have to say to you is pfffffft
Brooke- Brooke - you hurt me more than I knew anyone could hurt at the time. You showed me the wonder of having a best friend and what it feels like when part of your heart is torn out of your chest while you watch. You taught me about so much of life way before I would have ever experienced it elsewhere. Thank you. You’re the reason I decided there is no point in regrets and have lived my life thus far without them.
Brooke, girl, first of all, lets be clear. I don’t live with regrets either. Revenge, spite, retribution, well, yeah. Now. Your bible thumping mother refused to let stephanie be your friend because I SMOKED. yeah, that's right. lets get that out there. your holier than thou mother had stephanie thrown off the trio, of course AFTER SHE HELPED YOU WIN THAT CONTEST WITH HER PHENOMENAL SOLO. WHY? stephanie smoked dope? No, i smoked dope? No, i know, i know, her dad was running around with a married woman. no, wait, that was your grandfather, the preacher of the church, wasn't it?, why yes. i believe it was. of course he had to step down, but he was still allowed to be your friend i think. where the fuck was your back bone brooke? you sure had it when you guys would listen to secular music, or watch r-rated movies. oh how proud your mother was of how much control she had on you guys, what a laugh. oh, and do me a favor, hon, tell her the bible does say it is better that a mill stone be tied around you neck than to lead one astray. i left church because of your Hypocritical, Sanctimonious, self-righteous mother. and if she needs some encouragement. please tell her i stopped smoking BECAUSE I WANTED TO 4 years ago. but, now i practice Wicca. so she probably ought not walk on my property. thanks dearie.
Leah- COME BACK, COME BACK
Brandon- you are wasting serious time, studly. by the time you figure it out, it'll be to late...october is not that far away....
and finally,
Matt- what the fuck is keeping you maryland? you got a ranch out here or something? change is what makes the world turn. no, wait, change is what you get back, if your purchase is under a dollar. but........everybody who's anybody (in maryland, who know's you, from last year, before she left, um. oops, till now, sorry) knows how you feel. be nike`. just do it!
lol
and know that both of my hands are cupping your your face saying
"it's ok punka, punka, i'll still love you anyway."
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