can you have an entry that just says "ugh..."?
so today was ugh. aside from getting excited over something i knew better than to get excited about.. and feeling stupid for doing something i believe i had the right to do yet still felt guilty over.. and sharing one of the deepest darkest parts of me with my best friend... all i can say is ugh... or "HEELLOW!", but i just don't know that i feel peppy enough about life at this exact moment to do just that.
life isn't awful. there are so many worse things out there than what i'm dealing with. why can't i just let shit go? i'm so annoyed. not with anyone other than myself though. i just feel that most of the complicated shit it my life i've brought upon myself. i know there's a lot i had no say in nor control over; but i know better than to get myself into some of this. damnit. i just know so much better.
amazing love to my best friend though. she's just wonderful. i've got so much shit i need to tell her. i've got so much going on and i need her now more than ever. and i'm chicken shit. i know what's gonna happen and i'm not ready in any way, shape or form to handle it yet. i have so many doubts and worries and fears and i'm just so sick of it! what i would give for a full 24 care-free hours. not a single worry.. not a single doubt or freak-out. what wouldn't i give? i've got a little clump of days off week after next... hopefully i'll be spending them with someone i miss very very much (please just let him get his ass to the bus station... please just let him get his ass to the buss station), but if not i shall use the time to sleep and think and fix this shit. only thing is there's so much more than cleaning old wounds and facing demons... there's stitches and bandages needed for the wounds and the actual wrestling of said demons to the ground and beating them into submission. but so it goes. i guess i just have to face this sooner or later... preferably later.
on a brighter note i got to spend two and a half hours on the phone with my good friend and then my boyfriend. i had missed talking to them. it had been a few days since i'd just blabbed and listen to them blab. it was nice. plus i got a wonderful, 5 minute long, drunken voice mail from a very good guy friend of mine. he told me i was pretty... lol... told me we had to get together and hang out again real soon... then his drunken room mate got on the phone and told me all the reasons i should date my friend. then the drunken friend got the phone back and started doing random impressions. it was awesome! i'll keep that voicemail for years to come... or at least the 14 days my phone lest me save it. lol
so i suppose that's it. if i haven't said it enough... ugh.. ugh.. ugh.... much love and talk to ya later!
life isn't awful. there are so many worse things out there than what i'm dealing with. why can't i just let shit go? i'm so annoyed. not with anyone other than myself though. i just feel that most of the complicated shit it my life i've brought upon myself. i know there's a lot i had no say in nor control over; but i know better than to get myself into some of this. damnit. i just know so much better.
amazing love to my best friend though. she's just wonderful. i've got so much shit i need to tell her. i've got so much going on and i need her now more than ever. and i'm chicken shit. i know what's gonna happen and i'm not ready in any way, shape or form to handle it yet. i have so many doubts and worries and fears and i'm just so sick of it! what i would give for a full 24 care-free hours. not a single worry.. not a single doubt or freak-out. what wouldn't i give? i've got a little clump of days off week after next... hopefully i'll be spending them with someone i miss very very much (please just let him get his ass to the bus station... please just let him get his ass to the buss station), but if not i shall use the time to sleep and think and fix this shit. only thing is there's so much more than cleaning old wounds and facing demons... there's stitches and bandages needed for the wounds and the actual wrestling of said demons to the ground and beating them into submission. but so it goes. i guess i just have to face this sooner or later... preferably later.
on a brighter note i got to spend two and a half hours on the phone with my good friend and then my boyfriend. i had missed talking to them. it had been a few days since i'd just blabbed and listen to them blab. it was nice. plus i got a wonderful, 5 minute long, drunken voice mail from a very good guy friend of mine. he told me i was pretty... lol... told me we had to get together and hang out again real soon... then his drunken room mate got on the phone and told me all the reasons i should date my friend. then the drunken friend got the phone back and started doing random impressions. it was awesome! i'll keep that voicemail for years to come... or at least the 14 days my phone lest me save it. lol
so i suppose that's it. if i haven't said it enough... ugh.. ugh.. ugh.... much love and talk to ya later!