Being a gorgeous, well endowed kid is so hard these days
My parents are trying to get rid of me. They plan on giving me away to either my Grandpa or Los Dos Rondos.
Grandpa said that I was too good to be adopted by (and I quote) "those pompous, obese, lazy, un-sexy, lower-class almost-mortals!". My Grandpa kicks so much ass. <3 <3 I am so proud to call you a member of my family!
Zak fucking stabbed me in the leg after I taunted her about eating all the Spaghettios. Bitch. I deleted several of her saved Devil May Cry games. Hahahaha! STAB ME IN THE LEG AGAIN WENCH!!!
Daddy took a spoonful of crack or something. JUNKIES! My parents are JUNKIES!!!! I would call child services IF we weren't so rich, attractive, and so not almost mortal like some elves. Pttt.
Anyway, for the extreme mental trauma I have had to deal with for the very short period of my life I demand a couple of things. Don't yell at me, Dad, it's because of you and the lack of affection and fatherly love that I am so messed up today. My heart bleeds...and ..I lost the paper Claude gave me to express my inner suffering.
Anyway:
-Bigger Room
-Huge TV. The Hugest TV in the world.
-A room for my harems. I don't have them yet, but I will.
-A pony and an EZBake oven.
-We've been through the video game issue.
-Zak to be punished for causing me serious physical harm.
-Bruschetta to be punished for kicking me in the balls and calling me "Shitmaster Banana Nuts AssFist."
-Mommy to be punished for trying to exorcise me.
-Mommy to be punished for trying to choke me.
-Morgoth to be punished for locking away his porn.
-I would like my own porn.
-Money to get the porn empire started.
-A record deal.
-A kingdom of my own.
-How about my very own sex slave? I like guys with glasses.
-A pack of bubblegum. Strawberry flavoured.
All I ask for is the above things since I am not worthy of your love. I'm not even asking for the money to pay for the bills of my future extensive therapy! What do you think?
Grandpa said that I was too good to be adopted by (and I quote) "those pompous, obese, lazy, un-sexy, lower-class almost-mortals!". My Grandpa kicks so much ass. <3 <3 I am so proud to call you a member of my family!
Zak fucking stabbed me in the leg after I taunted her about eating all the Spaghettios. Bitch. I deleted several of her saved Devil May Cry games. Hahahaha! STAB ME IN THE LEG AGAIN WENCH!!!
Daddy took a spoonful of crack or something. JUNKIES! My parents are JUNKIES!!!! I would call child services IF we weren't so rich, attractive, and so not almost mortal like some elves. Pttt.
Anyway, for the extreme mental trauma I have had to deal with for the very short period of my life I demand a couple of things. Don't yell at me, Dad, it's because of you and the lack of affection and fatherly love that I am so messed up today. My heart bleeds...and ..I lost the paper Claude gave me to express my inner suffering.
Anyway:
-Bigger Room
-Huge TV. The Hugest TV in the world.
-A room for my harems. I don't have them yet, but I will.
-A pony and an EZBake oven.
-We've been through the video game issue.
-Zak to be punished for causing me serious physical harm.
-Bruschetta to be punished for kicking me in the balls and calling me "Shitmaster Banana Nuts AssFist."
-Mommy to be punished for trying to exorcise me.
-Mommy to be punished for trying to choke me.
-Morgoth to be punished for locking away his porn.
-I would like my own porn.
-Money to get the porn empire started.
-A record deal.
-A kingdom of my own.
-How about my very own sex slave? I like guys with glasses.
-A pack of bubblegum. Strawberry flavoured.
All I ask for is the above things since I am not worthy of your love. I'm not even asking for the money to pay for the bills of my future extensive therapy! What do you think?