put to rest
My grandpa is dying. My sister called me yesterday morning to ask if I wanted to come with her to the hospital. As Mom was not in town, Natalie and I were the only family here.
I went. We cried.
You know how sometimes you think so long about what to say that suddenly it seems impossible to say anything, let alone say it right?
We had no idea what to say to him, but the nurses said he could hear us. He can't breathe on his own, and he can't blink his eyes. He couldn't see us, and he hardly has the strength to move. His body is emaciated to about sixty pounds. Natalie and I touched his hair and stroked his skin and held his hand, all the while talking about nonsense, not knowing what to say or how to say it, knowing we never really knew my grandpa and that since his stroke last year, he knows none of us.
As we were talking to him gently, he woke up and started moving his mouth to try to speak. He can't, and... his teeth weren't in, and... the effort he put forth to say something broke both our hearts and set our tears into frenzies. And then some tears fell from his eyes that he can no longer blink. Rain poured outside and Natalie and I whispered amongst each other our loss of knowing what to do. I wonder if he was comforted by us at all. The more I think about it, and picture his tiny body in that death bed, the more upset I get. I don't know if I'll ever remember the way the effort to answer us brought tears to my grandpa's eyes. And I don't know what to do, how to overcome this sadness. How to let go of someone I love, even though people tell me that his 93 years was a pretty good run. I saw him cry, and because of that, I can't stop wanting to do the same.
I'm not saying any of this right. I post so little here anymore because I can't find words to define anything I'm feeling or going through. But I wanted to tell someone about my grandpa, because he was a good man, with strong faith and strong spirit, and I'm sad to say goodbye.
Natalie asked Grandpa to say hi to our brother Ricky when he gets to heaven, and not to flirt with the angels too much. We tried to laugh, but our tears soaked his bedsheets like the rain that pounded the asphault outside. His hospital room has a window but he can't see the view; he has eyes but they no longer blink or register image. "Can you see us, Grandpa?" It was just something to say when there were no words to fill the emptiness in that room. A lot of moments are silent as I wait to hear when he passes away.
Feelin' It | Sad
I went. We cried.
You know how sometimes you think so long about what to say that suddenly it seems impossible to say anything, let alone say it right?
We had no idea what to say to him, but the nurses said he could hear us. He can't breathe on his own, and he can't blink his eyes. He couldn't see us, and he hardly has the strength to move. His body is emaciated to about sixty pounds. Natalie and I touched his hair and stroked his skin and held his hand, all the while talking about nonsense, not knowing what to say or how to say it, knowing we never really knew my grandpa and that since his stroke last year, he knows none of us.
As we were talking to him gently, he woke up and started moving his mouth to try to speak. He can't, and... his teeth weren't in, and... the effort he put forth to say something broke both our hearts and set our tears into frenzies. And then some tears fell from his eyes that he can no longer blink. Rain poured outside and Natalie and I whispered amongst each other our loss of knowing what to do. I wonder if he was comforted by us at all. The more I think about it, and picture his tiny body in that death bed, the more upset I get. I don't know if I'll ever remember the way the effort to answer us brought tears to my grandpa's eyes. And I don't know what to do, how to overcome this sadness. How to let go of someone I love, even though people tell me that his 93 years was a pretty good run. I saw him cry, and because of that, I can't stop wanting to do the same.
I'm not saying any of this right. I post so little here anymore because I can't find words to define anything I'm feeling or going through. But I wanted to tell someone about my grandpa, because he was a good man, with strong faith and strong spirit, and I'm sad to say goodbye.
Natalie asked Grandpa to say hi to our brother Ricky when he gets to heaven, and not to flirt with the angels too much. We tried to laugh, but our tears soaked his bedsheets like the rain that pounded the asphault outside. His hospital room has a window but he can't see the view; he has eyes but they no longer blink or register image. "Can you see us, Grandpa?" It was just something to say when there were no words to fill the emptiness in that room. A lot of moments are silent as I wait to hear when he passes away.
Feelin' It | Sad