It is the end, but the moment has been prepared for.
Greetings all.
I know I won't be the first person to be in this position and I know I won't be the last person to experience it either. Not this weekend gone, but the weekend before that I made what felt like the hardest decision in my life. I told my partner of 4 years that it was time we called it a day.
Things hadn't been great for a long time. Neither of us was happy, there had been no intimacy for 18 months. We were sleeping in separate beds because she made out I snored like a train, and if we ever did speak to one another it was to bicker and argue over silly things.
For a long time, I felt neglected and unsupported by her. Yet I had to support her with her severe depression and my problems didn't matter. When my grandfather died 2 months ago she offered no comfort or kindness - when I returned home from the funeral earlier than planned I was pretty much put into the dog house.
I was expected to do housework after a full day's work, and doing it before I went to work. Whilst I was at work she would use my car to take the dog out for a long walk and when she would return she would sit on her bum and play games on facebook all day and pretty much not lift a finger.
Some days I would start to load/unload the dishwasher and run out of time before I had to leave the house to be told "It will all still be waiting for you when you get home from work"
She would use her depression as an excuse not to do things such as do the weekly shop - yet she had the use of my car on a daily basis but it was my job to do the shopping, pick her up from whatever evening class she wanted to go to and then walk the dog after that and crack on with the housework.
It was down to me to do all the cooking.
She then had the bare faced cheek to say that I didn't do enough to help her. She thought it was fine for me to do all of the above, hold down a full time job and then crack on with more work when I got home. I was nagged at for falling asleep on the sofa yet she would mid way through the day go to bed and sometimes not move until the following morning.
I am now free of all of that. When I gave her my cards I left her in a state of shock. She did not fight for me, she did not convince me to stay. She didn't even cry. I just pointed out that we needed to talk and that I felt that we no longer made each other happy anymore. She had agreed it had become very toxic and with that I packed up some stuff and left the house and the dog.
I had already lined up a place to stay, I have returned to the very slat with my old house mates that I moved in with when I first moved here to Weston. My worldly goods either stored in boxes under my bed, the living room and some of them still packed in boxes in the boot of the car.
Having hadtime to reflect on whats happened I don't regret leaving her. I am happier in myself, for the first time in a long time I am now happy at work and enjoy my job again. I don't feel as if when come home there is an atmosphere waiting for me, its not always playing on my mind.
I've been able to do away with the drugs I was prescribed for my anxiety which I thought was all to do with my job, but I now know that it was all because of her and how she treated me.
There are times when I think that I miss her. But in reality it's the good time we had that I miss and there were lots of them.
Donna will always have a special place in my heart, I don't regret the times we spent together nd the fun that we had. I do regret what we became. I put all the work in and got nothing back for my trouble. The more I put in the less I was getting. It all became very one sided. In effect, I was just the glorified lodger and had I not said anything she would have let it carry on for months or even years.
It is strange being my own boss again - having the freedom to do what I want to when I want to and not have anyone else to be responsible for other than myself whilst having a few laughs along the way with my friends. I can jump in my car when I want to and go wherever I want to.
Harvey - dear Harvey, our rescue dog. I miss him terribly but there was no way I could take him with me, he was her dog anyway but it really was a case of me and my shadow when I came home from work.
I hope in months to come should we meet again at the very least we can be friends but currently with everything that's happened its just not possible and too soon.
So here we go again, yet another leap of faith and into the next new chapter and adventure in my life.
I know I won't be the first person to be in this position and I know I won't be the last person to experience it either. Not this weekend gone, but the weekend before that I made what felt like the hardest decision in my life. I told my partner of 4 years that it was time we called it a day.
Things hadn't been great for a long time. Neither of us was happy, there had been no intimacy for 18 months. We were sleeping in separate beds because she made out I snored like a train, and if we ever did speak to one another it was to bicker and argue over silly things.
For a long time, I felt neglected and unsupported by her. Yet I had to support her with her severe depression and my problems didn't matter. When my grandfather died 2 months ago she offered no comfort or kindness - when I returned home from the funeral earlier than planned I was pretty much put into the dog house.
I was expected to do housework after a full day's work, and doing it before I went to work. Whilst I was at work she would use my car to take the dog out for a long walk and when she would return she would sit on her bum and play games on facebook all day and pretty much not lift a finger.
Some days I would start to load/unload the dishwasher and run out of time before I had to leave the house to be told "It will all still be waiting for you when you get home from work"
She would use her depression as an excuse not to do things such as do the weekly shop - yet she had the use of my car on a daily basis but it was my job to do the shopping, pick her up from whatever evening class she wanted to go to and then walk the dog after that and crack on with the housework.
It was down to me to do all the cooking.
She then had the bare faced cheek to say that I didn't do enough to help her. She thought it was fine for me to do all of the above, hold down a full time job and then crack on with more work when I got home. I was nagged at for falling asleep on the sofa yet she would mid way through the day go to bed and sometimes not move until the following morning.
I am now free of all of that. When I gave her my cards I left her in a state of shock. She did not fight for me, she did not convince me to stay. She didn't even cry. I just pointed out that we needed to talk and that I felt that we no longer made each other happy anymore. She had agreed it had become very toxic and with that I packed up some stuff and left the house and the dog.
I had already lined up a place to stay, I have returned to the very slat with my old house mates that I moved in with when I first moved here to Weston. My worldly goods either stored in boxes under my bed, the living room and some of them still packed in boxes in the boot of the car.
Having hadtime to reflect on whats happened I don't regret leaving her. I am happier in myself, for the first time in a long time I am now happy at work and enjoy my job again. I don't feel as if when come home there is an atmosphere waiting for me, its not always playing on my mind.
I've been able to do away with the drugs I was prescribed for my anxiety which I thought was all to do with my job, but I now know that it was all because of her and how she treated me.
There are times when I think that I miss her. But in reality it's the good time we had that I miss and there were lots of them.
Donna will always have a special place in my heart, I don't regret the times we spent together nd the fun that we had. I do regret what we became. I put all the work in and got nothing back for my trouble. The more I put in the less I was getting. It all became very one sided. In effect, I was just the glorified lodger and had I not said anything she would have let it carry on for months or even years.
It is strange being my own boss again - having the freedom to do what I want to when I want to and not have anyone else to be responsible for other than myself whilst having a few laughs along the way with my friends. I can jump in my car when I want to and go wherever I want to.
Harvey - dear Harvey, our rescue dog. I miss him terribly but there was no way I could take him with me, he was her dog anyway but it really was a case of me and my shadow when I came home from work.
I hope in months to come should we meet again at the very least we can be friends but currently with everything that's happened its just not possible and too soon.
So here we go again, yet another leap of faith and into the next new chapter and adventure in my life.