Fic: Someone Who Loves Me 3/3 (T)
Title: Someone Who Loves Me (part 3 of 3)
Rating: T
Universe: movieverse
Genre: angst
Summary: Sam feels empty and anguishes over his life and his apparent lack of purpose. As he realizes the extent of Bee's inexhaustible love, and his own feelings toward the bot, can he find happiness and fulfillment after all? angst, holo!bee, yaoi
"Someone Who Loves Me" by Abraxas (2009-09-05)
How did Bumblebee know what to do?
Those small, quiet touches that came naturally between boy and bot. The squeezes when he needed to be held. The drives through the country when he needed to get away. The questionable yet appropriate choice of music.
The source of that understanding vexed Sam as he realized that extent of friendship the autobot gave of itself.
Nobody understood Sam like Bumblebee. Nobody satisfied Sam like Bumblebee. Nobody - period. If he lived with any other human a thousand years they would have been strangers compared to what a Cybertronian deduced by observation. The instinct that only contact produced could not be replicated by simply living with a people or immersing into their culture. What the autobot got were the intimacies only a mate would have known.
He was filled with the anguish that always came to life whenever the autobots battled the decepticons. It was born of the fragility of his mortality and climaxed with episodes of running and hiding. He wanted to be useful but stature reduced his role to that of a spectator.
Sam vowed he would be stronger - it was a matter of how to return the affection that Bumblebee showed him. Someway. Somehow. There had to be a way to express that love.
Above all of that, too, was the wish that he could be a better man so that his friend would be justified in feeling that way about him.
God, Sam would have done anything for Bumblebee!
"I'm not worthy of you," he said, stroking the rim of the wheel. "How can I be?"
The seatbelt tightened about his waist.
"How can I be? You are greater than I could be. It's not enough to tell you I love you."
"Wait...don't go...Sam!"
Unable to withstand it any longer he ran out of the Camaro and jolted into his bedroom.
It came to be that Sam realized a very critical truth. He saw himself living without his friends - as strange as it sounded - his world and his notions of what it was to be normal could be upended and he would not care. But he did not see how he could have lived without Bumblebee. Just to picture what it might be like without his friend it was like cutting off a piece of his heart and it did not fail to urge a tear....
Sam flung away the blanket and just stared at the ceiling. A tear clouded his vision. A shiver coursed through his body. He was overwhelmed by the flood of emotion that idea of loss elicited.
It must have been daybreak. The bedroom was filled with light. Was he up that night tormented by his thoughts? His thoughts and feelings about his friend?
That poor, gentle autobot. Was that realization of loss what the bot felt when the boy said he was going away alone? He felt so wrong and ashamed and he promised he would not be that way again.
There was a tap on the glass - Sam turned - it was not the sun, it was Bumblebee's eyes looking into his bedroom.
"It's not too late," Sam exclaimed, elated.
Bumblebee blinked, confused.
The boy raced toward the window almost naked and without attempting to cover it - he reached the bot, laying a hand against his faceplate, raising it.
* * *
"I sensed you were pained," Bumblebee said as Sam walked into the garage. "You could not sleep again. Why don't you come to me when -"
"Oh, Bee!" He grasped onto the autobot's shoulders and squeezed - and closed into the only kind of hug their vast size difference allowed. "I was thinking about you, I mean, if you weren't with me. A part of my life. I couldn't deal with it."
"Sam...." He stroked the back of the human's head then up and down his back. "It makes me sad, too, you not in my life."
"I want you to be a part of my life."
"I want that, too, Sam. Here," he withdrew and compacted into the body of a Camaro, "get in."
Sam smiled noticing again too late that he was not completely dressed. He snuck into the back of the cabin where the seat seemed to be already prepared. The door shut and the air filled with a warm, ventilated air - a scent, like honey, was infused into it.
"You cry. Are you sad, still, Sam? You know I will not leave you."
He dried his eyes with his palms - it had not stopped, that well of tears, indeed it only worsened.
"It's not that, Bee, it's that...I want to make you as happy as you make me. You're the most incredible, most awesome thing ever. Of all time. And I couldn't begin to match that."
"Sam - that's not true - Sam! You are the greatest bestest friend I've known. You don't see it, maybe, but I see it. You do things for me that you don't do for anybody."
"Bee...." Sam wept into his hands.
"Do you like this form?"
"Do you mean this car? God - I love you in every form you take. You are perfect to me."
"Sam - I - I want to show you something. I'm not finished with it, yet, I've worked it on and off for weeks. I trust you with it - it's my most personal...something."
"OK, Bee."
Sam looked at the windshield thinking that what Bumblebee wanted to show would be there. Through its glass he got a view of the world as it was - the middle of the night, the garage was as pitch as the abyss, the outlines of objects only faintly revealed by the light of the moon that oozed out of the window. Within the Camaro that onyx was broken by the warm yet sharp green off of the dashboard.
All of a sudden the seat sank a little and the boy drifted sideways as if gravitating toward an object that just materialized. It happened quickly, so much so that he did not look at it, whatever it was, only felt it. A left arm wrapped onto his shoulders. A right arm draped across his chest. The hands clasped about his cheek. The hug that was formed dragged him onto the body the limbs were attached to.
Sam looked.
Instinctively, he reached toward it, to ensure that it was real.
There was another boy along with him in the back of the Camaro. It looked to be a teenager of his age and size - although a lot better built. He felt like he could be crushed by those arms yet their tenderness was familiar.... Could it be? Shoulder-length hair, black with spikes of yellow. Almond-shaped eyes, blue like the sky. The face was Asian, like a human version of an anime.
Of course - the anime!
The human, still shocked by the reality of it, allowed the hug to continue until he was face to chest with the figure. Again he reached out to examine the flesh. Its warmth was real. The flex of the muscle. The throb of the heart. The rise and fall of the breathing. How could it be?
Sam looked up while - Bumblebee - looked down.
"It's you isn't it?"
"Yes - it's me - do you like it?"
The human nodded. The figure smiled and squeezed a bit.
"It's how I'd like to be if I were human. Well - we would be about the same age and everything."
The autobot spoke with his 'Kit' voice through the figure.
"It's incredible and it's real?"
"A holomorph. It's as real as it could be. Energy, you know, can be transformed many different ways. Anyway, it's not finished, I'm adding new functions to it. Do you like it? Do you really really like it? I based it off a samurai, 'cause, I guess I would be like your samurai."
Sam stopped Bumblebee's lips with a kiss. It seemed like the most natural and logical way to get his friend to understand he loved it. It did not matter if his friend was a giant robot alien or a car. Or another teenaged boy. The outside did not matter.
Bumblebee was beautiful in any shape and form. Sam accepted that and the anxiety he would have felt at kissing another boy vanished. With the alien a new possibility arose - maybe he was not attracted to other male humans, however, maybe it was different with transformers.
If he could have turned robot he would have right then and there to pleasure his friend.
"Oh, you are my friend forever and ever," Bumblebee replied aping the kiss that Sam taught him to do. The kiss then evolved as it bounced back and forth between the two. They explored, letting their tongues and fingers wander and reach places yet unseen. "Primus...."
Exhausted, the boy settled between the samurai's legs, with his head atop the lap.
"Do you feel all of it?" Sam asked while kissing about the figure's stomach.
"Yes! Oh, yes!" Bumblebee replied, combing his fingers through the boy's hair, wrapping his legs about his friend's body. "It feels so good - so good - so better than when you play with my canon! I feel so many things...there...how can you stand it?"
"I can't...always...take it."
"Sam." Bumblebee grasped the boy's shoulders and raised his chin so they looked face to face. "I've waited a long, long time to hold you. Like another human."
"I love you, in any from you take, it doesn't matter and it will not matter. Ever. OK? It's just you and me."
* * *
Sam awoke with a fulfillment he had not felt in ages. He was refreshed and intoxicated by the smell of morning. And the flavor of honey that laced his lips.
Bumblebee was in bed, too, recharging.
The warmth of the holomorph was too tempting to ignore. The boy snuggled against the samurai with those yellow and black spikes. His cheek rubbed against the familiar autobot tattoo above the figure's heart. His hands stroked up and down along the sleeper's back then squeezed a naked, muscled thigh.
It had been a very long night with them testing their functions. Bumblebee was utterly fascinated while refining his projection. Sam was not exhausted, yet, though.
Sam was about to speak when Bumblebee grasped his elbows.
"Oh, please drive me, I want to go places today."
He smiled - as if there could be any reply but yes.
They hugged so close their flesh, real and holomorphic, could have smothered into a single being. Then, again, they locked eye to eye, lips to lips.
"You are so, so awesome. So perfect. It's like I don't deserve you. I just can't get over it. What do you see in me?"
The bot stopped the boy's lips with a kiss then answered - "Someone who loves me...."
END
Rating: T
Universe: movieverse
Genre: angst
Summary: Sam feels empty and anguishes over his life and his apparent lack of purpose. As he realizes the extent of Bee's inexhaustible love, and his own feelings toward the bot, can he find happiness and fulfillment after all? angst, holo!bee, yaoi
"Someone Who Loves Me" by Abraxas (2009-09-05)
How did Bumblebee know what to do?
Those small, quiet touches that came naturally between boy and bot. The squeezes when he needed to be held. The drives through the country when he needed to get away. The questionable yet appropriate choice of music.
The source of that understanding vexed Sam as he realized that extent of friendship the autobot gave of itself.
Nobody understood Sam like Bumblebee. Nobody satisfied Sam like Bumblebee. Nobody - period. If he lived with any other human a thousand years they would have been strangers compared to what a Cybertronian deduced by observation. The instinct that only contact produced could not be replicated by simply living with a people or immersing into their culture. What the autobot got were the intimacies only a mate would have known.
He was filled with the anguish that always came to life whenever the autobots battled the decepticons. It was born of the fragility of his mortality and climaxed with episodes of running and hiding. He wanted to be useful but stature reduced his role to that of a spectator.
Sam vowed he would be stronger - it was a matter of how to return the affection that Bumblebee showed him. Someway. Somehow. There had to be a way to express that love.
Above all of that, too, was the wish that he could be a better man so that his friend would be justified in feeling that way about him.
God, Sam would have done anything for Bumblebee!
"I'm not worthy of you," he said, stroking the rim of the wheel. "How can I be?"
The seatbelt tightened about his waist.
"How can I be? You are greater than I could be. It's not enough to tell you I love you."
"Wait...don't go...Sam!"
Unable to withstand it any longer he ran out of the Camaro and jolted into his bedroom.
It came to be that Sam realized a very critical truth. He saw himself living without his friends - as strange as it sounded - his world and his notions of what it was to be normal could be upended and he would not care. But he did not see how he could have lived without Bumblebee. Just to picture what it might be like without his friend it was like cutting off a piece of his heart and it did not fail to urge a tear....
Sam flung away the blanket and just stared at the ceiling. A tear clouded his vision. A shiver coursed through his body. He was overwhelmed by the flood of emotion that idea of loss elicited.
It must have been daybreak. The bedroom was filled with light. Was he up that night tormented by his thoughts? His thoughts and feelings about his friend?
That poor, gentle autobot. Was that realization of loss what the bot felt when the boy said he was going away alone? He felt so wrong and ashamed and he promised he would not be that way again.
There was a tap on the glass - Sam turned - it was not the sun, it was Bumblebee's eyes looking into his bedroom.
"It's not too late," Sam exclaimed, elated.
Bumblebee blinked, confused.
The boy raced toward the window almost naked and without attempting to cover it - he reached the bot, laying a hand against his faceplate, raising it.
* * *
"I sensed you were pained," Bumblebee said as Sam walked into the garage. "You could not sleep again. Why don't you come to me when -"
"Oh, Bee!" He grasped onto the autobot's shoulders and squeezed - and closed into the only kind of hug their vast size difference allowed. "I was thinking about you, I mean, if you weren't with me. A part of my life. I couldn't deal with it."
"Sam...." He stroked the back of the human's head then up and down his back. "It makes me sad, too, you not in my life."
"I want you to be a part of my life."
"I want that, too, Sam. Here," he withdrew and compacted into the body of a Camaro, "get in."
Sam smiled noticing again too late that he was not completely dressed. He snuck into the back of the cabin where the seat seemed to be already prepared. The door shut and the air filled with a warm, ventilated air - a scent, like honey, was infused into it.
"You cry. Are you sad, still, Sam? You know I will not leave you."
He dried his eyes with his palms - it had not stopped, that well of tears, indeed it only worsened.
"It's not that, Bee, it's that...I want to make you as happy as you make me. You're the most incredible, most awesome thing ever. Of all time. And I couldn't begin to match that."
"Sam - that's not true - Sam! You are the greatest bestest friend I've known. You don't see it, maybe, but I see it. You do things for me that you don't do for anybody."
"Bee...." Sam wept into his hands.
"Do you like this form?"
"Do you mean this car? God - I love you in every form you take. You are perfect to me."
"Sam - I - I want to show you something. I'm not finished with it, yet, I've worked it on and off for weeks. I trust you with it - it's my most personal...something."
"OK, Bee."
Sam looked at the windshield thinking that what Bumblebee wanted to show would be there. Through its glass he got a view of the world as it was - the middle of the night, the garage was as pitch as the abyss, the outlines of objects only faintly revealed by the light of the moon that oozed out of the window. Within the Camaro that onyx was broken by the warm yet sharp green off of the dashboard.
All of a sudden the seat sank a little and the boy drifted sideways as if gravitating toward an object that just materialized. It happened quickly, so much so that he did not look at it, whatever it was, only felt it. A left arm wrapped onto his shoulders. A right arm draped across his chest. The hands clasped about his cheek. The hug that was formed dragged him onto the body the limbs were attached to.
Sam looked.
Instinctively, he reached toward it, to ensure that it was real.
There was another boy along with him in the back of the Camaro. It looked to be a teenager of his age and size - although a lot better built. He felt like he could be crushed by those arms yet their tenderness was familiar.... Could it be? Shoulder-length hair, black with spikes of yellow. Almond-shaped eyes, blue like the sky. The face was Asian, like a human version of an anime.
Of course - the anime!
The human, still shocked by the reality of it, allowed the hug to continue until he was face to chest with the figure. Again he reached out to examine the flesh. Its warmth was real. The flex of the muscle. The throb of the heart. The rise and fall of the breathing. How could it be?
Sam looked up while - Bumblebee - looked down.
"It's you isn't it?"
"Yes - it's me - do you like it?"
The human nodded. The figure smiled and squeezed a bit.
"It's how I'd like to be if I were human. Well - we would be about the same age and everything."
The autobot spoke with his 'Kit' voice through the figure.
"It's incredible and it's real?"
"A holomorph. It's as real as it could be. Energy, you know, can be transformed many different ways. Anyway, it's not finished, I'm adding new functions to it. Do you like it? Do you really really like it? I based it off a samurai, 'cause, I guess I would be like your samurai."
Sam stopped Bumblebee's lips with a kiss. It seemed like the most natural and logical way to get his friend to understand he loved it. It did not matter if his friend was a giant robot alien or a car. Or another teenaged boy. The outside did not matter.
Bumblebee was beautiful in any shape and form. Sam accepted that and the anxiety he would have felt at kissing another boy vanished. With the alien a new possibility arose - maybe he was not attracted to other male humans, however, maybe it was different with transformers.
If he could have turned robot he would have right then and there to pleasure his friend.
"Oh, you are my friend forever and ever," Bumblebee replied aping the kiss that Sam taught him to do. The kiss then evolved as it bounced back and forth between the two. They explored, letting their tongues and fingers wander and reach places yet unseen. "Primus...."
Exhausted, the boy settled between the samurai's legs, with his head atop the lap.
"Do you feel all of it?" Sam asked while kissing about the figure's stomach.
"Yes! Oh, yes!" Bumblebee replied, combing his fingers through the boy's hair, wrapping his legs about his friend's body. "It feels so good - so good - so better than when you play with my canon! I feel so many things...there...how can you stand it?"
"I can't...always...take it."
"Sam." Bumblebee grasped the boy's shoulders and raised his chin so they looked face to face. "I've waited a long, long time to hold you. Like another human."
"I love you, in any from you take, it doesn't matter and it will not matter. Ever. OK? It's just you and me."
* * *
Sam awoke with a fulfillment he had not felt in ages. He was refreshed and intoxicated by the smell of morning. And the flavor of honey that laced his lips.
Bumblebee was in bed, too, recharging.
The warmth of the holomorph was too tempting to ignore. The boy snuggled against the samurai with those yellow and black spikes. His cheek rubbed against the familiar autobot tattoo above the figure's heart. His hands stroked up and down along the sleeper's back then squeezed a naked, muscled thigh.
It had been a very long night with them testing their functions. Bumblebee was utterly fascinated while refining his projection. Sam was not exhausted, yet, though.
Sam was about to speak when Bumblebee grasped his elbows.
"Oh, please drive me, I want to go places today."
He smiled - as if there could be any reply but yes.
They hugged so close their flesh, real and holomorphic, could have smothered into a single being. Then, again, they locked eye to eye, lips to lips.
"You are so, so awesome. So perfect. It's like I don't deserve you. I just can't get over it. What do you see in me?"
The bot stopped the boy's lips with a kiss then answered - "Someone who loves me...."
END