Karaoke Forever
I'm looking forward to my girl-on-girl, Thelma and Louise, action-packed weekend in Portland. I don't feel it will be necessary to commit suicide at the end of our adventure, sans Brad Pitt, but hopefully we'll have some minor amounts of fun and frolic. My girlfriend Kim, a traitor to the Northwest (she moved to Portland by CHOICE!), will be baking up a storm--she'll get pushed aside by moi for an ugly feeding frenzy to rival that of Jaws. I also predict a bank account pillage-and-plunder job, also by me, since I'll be visiting my favorite store down there; JustBeToys is the best place for toys and art. Mmm, toys. No, not THOSE kind, you sick bastards--ACTUAL TOYS. I mean, after shopping and consuming copious amounts of food, who in their right mind would drive off a cliff with their girlfriends? If I was going to commit to that kind of life-ending debauchery, I'd need to at least get laid that day, win the Lottery, get some lipo, eat 4 dozen cupcakes, write some goodbye letters, and do some serious karaoke. There is no better send-off than Journey's song, "Don't Stop Believin'". The irony is killing me. I would also want to hand-pick the lucky actress that would play my character in our heartbreaking Lifetime Movie, appropriately titled "Friends Forever". It would probably be Queen Latifah. Or Nona Gaye. Or Oprah.
I'm not even black! Stupid type-casting.
I'm not even black! Stupid type-casting.