Thoughts for the end of January.
I'm sitting in the study. It's sunny and cold today and the lights is slanting into the house - flat and white and sheer.
I've been up since about 8 or so, although I was awake before that, and reading in bed. I have rediscovered the town library and as we currently must have an embargo on buying books, it works to go and find things we want elsewhere. This is not normally a measure we would enforce, and mainly I have to say it is for my benefit, as DT does tend to buy books that come in very large format. If that final Jordan comes, he's going to have to WAIT, because they are simply too large in hardback. We just don't have more room and we can't afford to hire any storage at the moment. Plus there isn't any anywhere really convenient to be honest, as I looked previously. We do have to be practical at present. I must add a bunch of stuff to my goodreads on Facebook.
New year time is a strange one. This year we have a really big focus in our life (more in locked posts about that) and that is requiring a re-think on a lot of things. It's good stuff, and we're happy about it but it's repurcussions (so to speak) are for the lifetime. I'm always fascinated by the culture of self improvement and it's ever present at this time of year. I'm definitely in on it, but in a way I wasn't before. My newer pace of life has made me focus on certain things more and do things in a different, much less hurried way. As discussed in a conversation previously with RR, now my day consists of making a list of things I think I can do, and then seeing how it goes along, rather than having a list of things I MUST do right this very second. I still have a to do list, because my brain is made of cheese and otherwise I forget stuff, but it's divided up into things to be done on different days or at different times - and some not to be done by me at all! This more measured thing is working more of the time - I still have days when I overstretch myself and burn out quickly, but you have to learn from those too. And I learn to be more careful with myself.
As ever my quest is for an organised and tidy home. I'm still working on it every day, and it doesn't help that we are hoarders, both of us. We are definitely getting better at de-cluttering, and over the last few weeks various things have gone out of the house via Freecycle, and more stuff will go out to a charity shop or two tomorrow. I have packed some things away into loft storage because now isn't a time I am able to make decisions about certain things, and that's ok. It would be foolish to do it now. Some stuff needs putting into a place - just not sure how to file it at the moment. I don't need it NOW but I will need it later. So I sort and file, and weirdly some of my crafting is actulaly about getting rid of and keeping things. I finally started our Canada album (Please see my flickr group here for the one I did for DT's parents) and have had to pull my head out of my ass AGAIN to think sensibly about it. We had a big holiday. It need a big album for us to do it justice. I don't think we'll be doing it again for some time and we want to remember it properly. So I'm trying to let my imagination and stuff lead the way on it....piecing together each stage of our journeying. I had to plan the other one so tightly because I had so little space that I got into thinking I needed to do that with ours too. Which i clearly don't! Once everything is scrapped I can get rid of all the other *stuff* that's in the scrap me bag for that particular project. The residue can just go. If it's not in the book, it don't have a place to live. I've been reading Cynthia Townley Ewers book - as I had found her website linked from somewhere else. I am actually heartened to find that some of the things I'm doing are "right" - quite naturally. As I had been feeling quite dissatisfied with things, this has been a great encouragement to me to be more positive about my home and my place within it. I think more of me may be organised than I think. I am bound by my physical environment, and that's another thing coming up for the year.
It seems like about five minutes since I was writing of my pain over our move here. I have grown to love this funny little house and tried to live peacefully within its walls. It isn't easy, and lack of space does thwart lots of things DT and I would really like to be able to do. We do our best with what we have, and we're still working on it every day. But it may well be that the next 18 months brings our moving on point. It doesn't now look likely that DT will be able to pursue the course of training that he wanted to, as they have moved both time and venue and it no longer is practical for him to go. This is very difficult for him as it makes him feel failed, another thing he's been stopped from completing. We will look for alternatives, but there is also the factor that it would tie us to this place (house/job/situation) for two years and that is no longer acceptable. Where we go and what he does is another debate - there are a variety of options open to us but our needs are changing. Talking to a friend last week she said that I should not be afraid to ask God for the specifics of what we need. When we jumped off to come here we were in a very different space and it didn't really matter where we went, we just needed to GO. Now it matters, but I'm scared to be that specific in case I'm getting it wrong or I'm not asking for what He wants from me. I know that there is a lot out there at the moment about seeing and going for what You want, but I'm still trying to line up my priorities with the Almighty. I know that He doesn't want me to be without, to be in difficulty or not have needs met. I am still terribly scared by the idea of moving house again, even though I find here hard. It's not about the house as much as it is about the uprooting and the stress. I am not good at that and we will need to look at ways we can manage and assist that process.
Let me be not afraid.
I've been up since about 8 or so, although I was awake before that, and reading in bed. I have rediscovered the town library and as we currently must have an embargo on buying books, it works to go and find things we want elsewhere. This is not normally a measure we would enforce, and mainly I have to say it is for my benefit, as DT does tend to buy books that come in very large format. If that final Jordan comes, he's going to have to WAIT, because they are simply too large in hardback. We just don't have more room and we can't afford to hire any storage at the moment. Plus there isn't any anywhere really convenient to be honest, as I looked previously. We do have to be practical at present. I must add a bunch of stuff to my goodreads on Facebook.
New year time is a strange one. This year we have a really big focus in our life (more in locked posts about that) and that is requiring a re-think on a lot of things. It's good stuff, and we're happy about it but it's repurcussions (so to speak) are for the lifetime. I'm always fascinated by the culture of self improvement and it's ever present at this time of year. I'm definitely in on it, but in a way I wasn't before. My newer pace of life has made me focus on certain things more and do things in a different, much less hurried way. As discussed in a conversation previously with RR, now my day consists of making a list of things I think I can do, and then seeing how it goes along, rather than having a list of things I MUST do right this very second. I still have a to do list, because my brain is made of cheese and otherwise I forget stuff, but it's divided up into things to be done on different days or at different times - and some not to be done by me at all! This more measured thing is working more of the time - I still have days when I overstretch myself and burn out quickly, but you have to learn from those too. And I learn to be more careful with myself.
As ever my quest is for an organised and tidy home. I'm still working on it every day, and it doesn't help that we are hoarders, both of us. We are definitely getting better at de-cluttering, and over the last few weeks various things have gone out of the house via Freecycle, and more stuff will go out to a charity shop or two tomorrow. I have packed some things away into loft storage because now isn't a time I am able to make decisions about certain things, and that's ok. It would be foolish to do it now. Some stuff needs putting into a place - just not sure how to file it at the moment. I don't need it NOW but I will need it later. So I sort and file, and weirdly some of my crafting is actulaly about getting rid of and keeping things. I finally started our Canada album (Please see my flickr group here for the one I did for DT's parents) and have had to pull my head out of my ass AGAIN to think sensibly about it. We had a big holiday. It need a big album for us to do it justice. I don't think we'll be doing it again for some time and we want to remember it properly. So I'm trying to let my imagination and stuff lead the way on it....piecing together each stage of our journeying. I had to plan the other one so tightly because I had so little space that I got into thinking I needed to do that with ours too. Which i clearly don't! Once everything is scrapped I can get rid of all the other *stuff* that's in the scrap me bag for that particular project. The residue can just go. If it's not in the book, it don't have a place to live. I've been reading Cynthia Townley Ewers book - as I had found her website linked from somewhere else. I am actually heartened to find that some of the things I'm doing are "right" - quite naturally. As I had been feeling quite dissatisfied with things, this has been a great encouragement to me to be more positive about my home and my place within it. I think more of me may be organised than I think. I am bound by my physical environment, and that's another thing coming up for the year.
It seems like about five minutes since I was writing of my pain over our move here. I have grown to love this funny little house and tried to live peacefully within its walls. It isn't easy, and lack of space does thwart lots of things DT and I would really like to be able to do. We do our best with what we have, and we're still working on it every day. But it may well be that the next 18 months brings our moving on point. It doesn't now look likely that DT will be able to pursue the course of training that he wanted to, as they have moved both time and venue and it no longer is practical for him to go. This is very difficult for him as it makes him feel failed, another thing he's been stopped from completing. We will look for alternatives, but there is also the factor that it would tie us to this place (house/job/situation) for two years and that is no longer acceptable. Where we go and what he does is another debate - there are a variety of options open to us but our needs are changing. Talking to a friend last week she said that I should not be afraid to ask God for the specifics of what we need. When we jumped off to come here we were in a very different space and it didn't really matter where we went, we just needed to GO. Now it matters, but I'm scared to be that specific in case I'm getting it wrong or I'm not asking for what He wants from me. I know that there is a lot out there at the moment about seeing and going for what You want, but I'm still trying to line up my priorities with the Almighty. I know that He doesn't want me to be without, to be in difficulty or not have needs met. I am still terribly scared by the idea of moving house again, even though I find here hard. It's not about the house as much as it is about the uprooting and the stress. I am not good at that and we will need to look at ways we can manage and assist that process.
Let me be not afraid.