Thoughts on my little man's birthday
Adrian turned one on Monday. We didn't do anything special other than going to the doctor and getting shots :( I hate that. And I thought the nurse wasn't that great. Like....... getting upset at my son for being upset about getting poked with a needle. He's a baby, of course he is going to scream and cry! Gr! I absolutely hate it when he gets shots. He screams in pain and it hurts me too. I cried the first time he got shots when he was a newborn. It felt like someone was tearing my heart out. It gets better with time, but it still hurts me when he gets shots. And now he has to go see a speach pathologist for a swallow study because he chokes and gags on everything. This worries me. They use some kind of dye in his food and xray it to see how it goes down. The part that worries me is the notice on the letter saying if my son is getting a UGI that I need to bring a favorite toy to calm him during the procedure. They don't explain on the letter what it is, but I have a feeling it might be them sticking a camera or something like that down his throat. I would absolutely flip out. There is no way. I'm the only thing to calm him down over anything.. Carl can't calm him down because Adrian is a mommas boy. How would I sit there while some evil doctor is shoving a camera down my son's throat? I don't know how I can, but if I'm the only person to calm him down then I HAVE to be there. I would also probably be crying the whole time too.
I am also kinda sad that Adrian turned one. He isn't considered a baby anymore, he is now a toddler. It makes me sad because he is growing up all fast and I was so tired the first 6 months of his life I really don't remember all that much. I feel like I've missed out on so much and now he is one and it's just all gone! I find myself wanting it back. I find myself avoiding any pregnancy or baby shows on tv because it get's me ticking again. I really don't want to have another baby right now. It would be a financial disaster. But that damn ticking in the back of my head starts and I have to try to ignore it. And if it isn't enough that I have this during the day (I avoid it as much as possible on tv) I have to go to sleep at night and have my dreams be about nothing but me being pregnant again. I've had dreams every night about being pregnant. It sucks. It's funny how you don't want something but your unconcious mind wants it... weird. No more babies right now! I'm in about a 10 pound range of my prepregnancy weight... I'm finally getting some of my life back to normal. But then my stupid unconcious has to ruin everything! I wish I could turn it off sometimes.
I am also kinda sad that Adrian turned one. He isn't considered a baby anymore, he is now a toddler. It makes me sad because he is growing up all fast and I was so tired the first 6 months of his life I really don't remember all that much. I feel like I've missed out on so much and now he is one and it's just all gone! I find myself wanting it back. I find myself avoiding any pregnancy or baby shows on tv because it get's me ticking again. I really don't want to have another baby right now. It would be a financial disaster. But that damn ticking in the back of my head starts and I have to try to ignore it. And if it isn't enough that I have this during the day (I avoid it as much as possible on tv) I have to go to sleep at night and have my dreams be about nothing but me being pregnant again. I've had dreams every night about being pregnant. It sucks. It's funny how you don't want something but your unconcious mind wants it... weird. No more babies right now! I'm in about a 10 pound range of my prepregnancy weight... I'm finally getting some of my life back to normal. But then my stupid unconcious has to ruin everything! I wish I could turn it off sometimes.