The Big update...?
Well his grandfathers funeral was the Thursday after he had passed away. It was nice. Mostly close family. and we all went over to his grandmothers after the prayer in the cemetary. She needed that. We have been going overe every friday night and spending a few hours with her. She likes it. and it makes Jamie happy to do this for her. I called out of work to go to the funeral and the next day Carol had to talk to me about my absonces (i know i can't spell) but she asked me how I was feeling. I said fine (kinda confused) apparently no one had told her that I was gone to a funeral. I told Shirly the day before and I even found someone myself to cover my shift, so thats what I told carol, i told her i wasn't sick i just had a funeral to go to and i had rachel cover for me, and shirly knew.. she said "oh.. Let me talk to her about that" and walked away. She never came back to talk to me. I guess everything was all set.
Im calling Home Depot tomorrow about a possible Job. I'd really like to work there. I'm sick of food. I'd rather see power tools and wood (thats dirty) all day long than deal with food. Love working with people though. I've been looking for a receptionest job about or a desk clerk at a motel, that would be cool too! But then I think .. I'll have to go through all of this all over again when school starts so i might as well look at my options that I'd be able to stick with through school. Also I need to call for my testing at school. I'm too stressed.
My dad again hasn't been showing up to court dates and just wants to make this as much of a living hell as he possibly can. I don't respect him in the least bit. I was starting to not respect Shane too seeing what he'd done. He had a problem with me because of the letter that I had written to lizz. I understand that i wroke it when i was angry and it was really harsh but if she has a problem with me, she can come to me herself. not makes Shane fight her battles for her and if Shane has a problem with me he should come to me rather than going behind my back and talking to our father about me. Because he talked to my father, I was kicked off the health insurance and well 3 days after i found out i was off the insurance i had a medical procedure that i needed to have done to make sure i don't have cervical cancer. $400 later! It would have been FULLY covered if i still had the same insurance.. but no... or even if he canceled it 4 days later rather than 3 days before.
Oh well now I'm streessed about that because allllll my bills came in the mail the same day and all my money went to that stupid test. And I'm stressed about what the results will come back as. I'm scared to death but whatever i can only take this one day at a time...
Plus someone i look up to like another mother isn't doing well and ended up in the mental health unit at SMM in Biddeford. I been visiting her as much as i possibly can. I made her a mixed cd of all her favorite country songs and she loved it. a friend of mine helped with that.
On a more plus note. I dyed my hair. i dyed it once and well, because i was blonde it didn't take very well [bottle blonde] so i let it sit for 2 days.. my hair was like a bright purple!! and i re dyed it the same color hoping that it would darken up and hide the rest of the blonde.. and well it did and i think it looks awsome. it's like a deep dark read / burgendy now and Jamies sister im cut it for me tonight. I had it layered and trimmed so it's still a few inches below my shoulder, but it's not as poofy because she cut a lot of the bulk out.. OMG when I saw all the hair on the floor.... I got scared. lol there was enough to cover a small dog. But once i saw it and blew dried it, it looks awsome.
That seemed to have brought my confidence up a hell of a lot. Kind of makes me excited for work tomorrow.. oh on that note i should go to bed so i may function at work tomorrow.
Anyway i been doing not so good but the past few days i been feeling better so i decided it'd write an update. and well, i just have one more thing to add for someone....
I want you to know that ... Well you know what, it's not even important. I'm rather sure he doesn't read this, and the LAST thing he wants is for me to try and talk to him or contact him (even here) so, fuck it. After the poem written about me, it's amazing how i'm still sad that I can't talk to him. It's fucked up of me to want anything to do with him because of how hurt i was [am], but it's fine. Slowly with time I'll get over this and look back on it and just remember the good conversations and times we had. I won't name any - but i think it's the first time i've smiled rather than cried when i think of him in a while so.. Things really are looking up for me.
I can't wait to move on with my life and grow up... grow old... and see what lies on the other side for me.
Im calling Home Depot tomorrow about a possible Job. I'd really like to work there. I'm sick of food. I'd rather see power tools and wood (thats dirty) all day long than deal with food. Love working with people though. I've been looking for a receptionest job about or a desk clerk at a motel, that would be cool too! But then I think .. I'll have to go through all of this all over again when school starts so i might as well look at my options that I'd be able to stick with through school. Also I need to call for my testing at school. I'm too stressed.
My dad again hasn't been showing up to court dates and just wants to make this as much of a living hell as he possibly can. I don't respect him in the least bit. I was starting to not respect Shane too seeing what he'd done. He had a problem with me because of the letter that I had written to lizz. I understand that i wroke it when i was angry and it was really harsh but if she has a problem with me, she can come to me herself. not makes Shane fight her battles for her and if Shane has a problem with me he should come to me rather than going behind my back and talking to our father about me. Because he talked to my father, I was kicked off the health insurance and well 3 days after i found out i was off the insurance i had a medical procedure that i needed to have done to make sure i don't have cervical cancer. $400 later! It would have been FULLY covered if i still had the same insurance.. but no... or even if he canceled it 4 days later rather than 3 days before.
Oh well now I'm streessed about that because allllll my bills came in the mail the same day and all my money went to that stupid test. And I'm stressed about what the results will come back as. I'm scared to death but whatever i can only take this one day at a time...
Plus someone i look up to like another mother isn't doing well and ended up in the mental health unit at SMM in Biddeford. I been visiting her as much as i possibly can. I made her a mixed cd of all her favorite country songs and she loved it. a friend of mine helped with that.
On a more plus note. I dyed my hair. i dyed it once and well, because i was blonde it didn't take very well [bottle blonde] so i let it sit for 2 days.. my hair was like a bright purple!! and i re dyed it the same color hoping that it would darken up and hide the rest of the blonde.. and well it did and i think it looks awsome. it's like a deep dark read / burgendy now and Jamies sister im cut it for me tonight. I had it layered and trimmed so it's still a few inches below my shoulder, but it's not as poofy because she cut a lot of the bulk out.. OMG when I saw all the hair on the floor.... I got scared. lol there was enough to cover a small dog. But once i saw it and blew dried it, it looks awsome.
That seemed to have brought my confidence up a hell of a lot. Kind of makes me excited for work tomorrow.. oh on that note i should go to bed so i may function at work tomorrow.
Anyway i been doing not so good but the past few days i been feeling better so i decided it'd write an update. and well, i just have one more thing to add for someone....
I want you to know that ... Well you know what, it's not even important. I'm rather sure he doesn't read this, and the LAST thing he wants is for me to try and talk to him or contact him (even here) so, fuck it. After the poem written about me, it's amazing how i'm still sad that I can't talk to him. It's fucked up of me to want anything to do with him because of how hurt i was [am], but it's fine. Slowly with time I'll get over this and look back on it and just remember the good conversations and times we had. I won't name any - but i think it's the first time i've smiled rather than cried when i think of him in a while so.. Things really are looking up for me.
I can't wait to move on with my life and grow up... grow old... and see what lies on the other side for me.