I'm Snapping
If this is real life, I don't want anything to do with it.
Apparently I need to stop being who I really am, because all that ever happens is that I get hurt. Being myself has given people the idea that it's perfectly acceptable to use me and walk all over me and just treat me however the fuck they want to. It has given people the idea that's it's OK to lie to me to get what they want. It's given them permission to assume that I will always be there for them to help them out when they need it, but they don't have to be around for me.
"You're DD'ing for us tomorrow night, right!?!"
"I can use your sleeping bag tonight, right?"
"I'm going to borrow this movie tonight. You don't mind do you?"
And yes, it is my fault for not being a bitch and making a big deal about it, but that's not who I am. I want other people to be happy, because then maybe, just maybe, I'll be happy too.
I thought Ryley liked me. I thought he was a nice guy. But now I really don't know. According to Seventeen magazine, when a guy asks you over to his house to watch a movie, it means he wants to hook-up. I am quite sure this is not the case with Ryley. He doesn't even act like he remotely likes me half the time. I'll text him and he won't text me back. He'll mention "We should go to the hot springs" or "We should go camping" and then he goes without me. He leaves town and doesn't tell me and I'm not trying to be possessive, but I do kind of wonder when his phone is shut off for 3 or 4 days straight.
Apparently I need to just stop caring. I'll just become an absolute bitch and then maybe I would actually be happy. No one would like me, but at least I might be happy because I wouldn't have a whole bunch of fake friends that just use me and treat me however the hell they want.
Chris knows that I am extremely allergic to pot. He invites me to go hang out and watch a movie at someone else's house with him. He tells me ahead of time that they're going to do pot outside. So what does he do? He sits down across the room from me and pulls out the pipe and I was like "Um... Chris, you're going to make me really sick if you do pot in here." So then he went out to his car to do it. Then I got in the car to go back to the dorms, and I just got absolutely overwhelmed by the smell of pot. I would have been perfectly content to stay at the dorms and do homework or read or go to bed early, but instead I went to someone else's house and then nearly died in the car on the way back and felt like shit all night, cried myself to sleep because I felt that horribly, and woke up and still felt like shit.
Then everyone makes fun of me because I refuse to drink. I tell them that I have a reason and they just laugh at me and tell me that I'm stupid because I don't want to get drunk off of free alcohol.
I seriously don't think anyone else cares if I am happy or not. In fact, I think they take pride in upsetting me.
I was going to go camping tonight, but I'm currently in tears and I really don't feel like socializing with a whole bunch of drunken idiots that are higher than a kite. So, I'm just going to go to sleep now and listen to people bitch at me in the morning.
Apparently I need to stop being who I really am, because all that ever happens is that I get hurt. Being myself has given people the idea that it's perfectly acceptable to use me and walk all over me and just treat me however the fuck they want to. It has given people the idea that's it's OK to lie to me to get what they want. It's given them permission to assume that I will always be there for them to help them out when they need it, but they don't have to be around for me.
"You're DD'ing for us tomorrow night, right!?!"
"I can use your sleeping bag tonight, right?"
"I'm going to borrow this movie tonight. You don't mind do you?"
And yes, it is my fault for not being a bitch and making a big deal about it, but that's not who I am. I want other people to be happy, because then maybe, just maybe, I'll be happy too.
I thought Ryley liked me. I thought he was a nice guy. But now I really don't know. According to Seventeen magazine, when a guy asks you over to his house to watch a movie, it means he wants to hook-up. I am quite sure this is not the case with Ryley. He doesn't even act like he remotely likes me half the time. I'll text him and he won't text me back. He'll mention "We should go to the hot springs" or "We should go camping" and then he goes without me. He leaves town and doesn't tell me and I'm not trying to be possessive, but I do kind of wonder when his phone is shut off for 3 or 4 days straight.
Apparently I need to just stop caring. I'll just become an absolute bitch and then maybe I would actually be happy. No one would like me, but at least I might be happy because I wouldn't have a whole bunch of fake friends that just use me and treat me however the hell they want.
Chris knows that I am extremely allergic to pot. He invites me to go hang out and watch a movie at someone else's house with him. He tells me ahead of time that they're going to do pot outside. So what does he do? He sits down across the room from me and pulls out the pipe and I was like "Um... Chris, you're going to make me really sick if you do pot in here." So then he went out to his car to do it. Then I got in the car to go back to the dorms, and I just got absolutely overwhelmed by the smell of pot. I would have been perfectly content to stay at the dorms and do homework or read or go to bed early, but instead I went to someone else's house and then nearly died in the car on the way back and felt like shit all night, cried myself to sleep because I felt that horribly, and woke up and still felt like shit.
Then everyone makes fun of me because I refuse to drink. I tell them that I have a reason and they just laugh at me and tell me that I'm stupid because I don't want to get drunk off of free alcohol.
I seriously don't think anyone else cares if I am happy or not. In fact, I think they take pride in upsetting me.
I was going to go camping tonight, but I'm currently in tears and I really don't feel like socializing with a whole bunch of drunken idiots that are higher than a kite. So, I'm just going to go to sleep now and listen to people bitch at me in the morning.