Beckett Legacy 1.6 (part two)
Read part one?
And let's all agree to pretend these pictures aren't ugly. I'm sorry!
Topher is upset because A Pool of Poodles placed third in the school talent show with a europop-esque number entitled ‘That Idiot Loafer Teckett Tried to Commit Incest on the First Date.’
Elle: Come on, Toph. You have to look at me sometime.
Topher: Two things. One: no, I don’t. Two: it was the second date!
It’s time for Daniela and her little family to leave the nest. While we admire the contributions you have made, you will not be in contention for heir. Sorry.
Topher: This represents the black nothingness that threatens to overwhelm me every hour that I remember the love of my life is my sister.
Pffft. Teenagers.
Elle: Um, my brother hates me and I want him to stop?
Being the clever little thing that she is, Elle took her beloved sibling out for some underage drinking. They both got in using Ingrid’s driver’s licence.
Topher: Elle… what was in that last drink? I can’t see anything but the back of my head…
Elle: You do forgive me :D
Unfortunately the evening was cut short when this random woman started delivering her own baby in the ladies room.
Cop: We heard there was a woman in labour and - CUUUURFEEEEEW!!!!
Elle: After witnessing what I assume was that woman’s slow and painful death, I am never ever having kids!
After Ingrid gets through with you for being arrested, I doubt you’ll ever get the chance.
Goodwin: I am so disappointed :(
Elle: Aw, dad :(
Life isn’t fair, is it Toph?
But it is his birthday, so he has that going for him.
Elle: And now I know what they mean when they say ‘peaked in high school.’
Thanks to clinical trials with a ninety eight per cent success rate, Topher was able to grow a thick head of hair. He also became good at cooking. To this date Topher has cooked one thing; waffles. They were burnt.
His first act as a man was to take off his clothes and run under the sprinkler. In the middle of the night.
Topher: Maturity ROCKS!
Goodwin: So, when exactly can I be expecting to see grandchildren? You’re not getting any younger, you know.
Consequently, Topher’s second act as a man was to book a trip far away from his parents.
He chose France, and the flight was delayed.
Red Head: And, I mean, you just know the writer is begging for a stray comment on his preternatural affinity with the spiritual malaise reminisced in the relationship between young Edgardo and his hamster!
Topher: Oh please, you couldn’t be further from it. The painful accuracy with which the emotional kaleidoscope of the hamster’s day is depicted surely stems from a need to reconnect with the old soul of the Earth. It is a subject I frequently capture in my art.
Red Head: Are you saying I’m wrong?
Topher: More misinterpreting the obvious, like you watched the movie first.
Red Head: …
…
Topher really likes France.
I can’t imagine why.
Paparazzi: Topher Beckett canoodling mystery woman in public! Enjoys cuddling after woohoo! What a scoop!
But all good things must come to an end, and it was time for Topher to head back to Twinbrook.
Keira: I bet you’ll miss looking at my beautiful face.
Topher: *dreamy sigh*
Back home, Elle is… uh…
Loitering on someone’s property. I don’t like the way she’s eyeing that washing machine.
Jedi?: Elle, right? You’d better come in. I had to tell my mum you were a friend to stop her calling the cops.
Elle: That was pretty cool of you. Was your mum really going to call the cops?
Jedi?: Absolutely! *winning smile*
Mother in Question: Whatever helps you sleep at night, sweetie.
Elle: Well, thanks… um… ?
David: David. We have History together. You copied my answers during finals and gave a really weird presentation on the pharaohs of Al Simhara.
Elle: Wait. You know who I am?
David: Uh, yeah. It’s a little hard to forget the girl who brought her bandaged uncle in for show and tell.
David: Oh gosh. Look, Elle, if I was ever invited to parties I would probably know of one to ask you to, but since I’m not I’ll just have to settle for seeing if you’d like to go to the movies sometime?
Elle: I’m kinda seeing someone. You know the kid who used to deliver the newspapers?
David: You mean the one who always wears that satchel?
Elle: Uh… noooo. Definitely not him. Anyway, I’m really sorry.
David: No, I’m sorry I was never brave enough to ask you earlier. Guess I’ll see you around.
Seems someone has a certain something on his mind.
Topher: This is a figurative piece. Those people are everyman, the setting is nondescript and transcends place and time.
Uh huh. Is that the Eiffel Tower in the corner?
Topher: A jog will clear my head. Fresh hair, sunlight! Breathe deep, self, life doesn’t get any better than this!
Topher: Grr, muscles spasms.
Keira: Topher?
Topher: I can’t believe you live in Twinbrook! Why didn’t you tell me?
Keira: Topher, look around. I live in a dump. I mean, currently we are standing in the bedroom that, for all intents and purposes, is also my living room and kitchen. I have no money and a shack without a TV. Do you really need to wonder why I don’t tell people where I live?
Topher: If you’re that down on your luck, why don’t you just live with me? We get on great and I’ve already seen you naked. It’ll be perfect!
Keira: Really? You mean it?
Topher: Heehee… yeah. In fact, I’m picturing you naked right now.
I swear, if there was an action for it, Keira would have been purring.
And he is such a puppy.
And that’s how Keira La Trobe came to live with the Beckett’s.
Keira: You are planning on introducing me to your family, right?
Topher: *choke* You have to meet them?! *hack*
I don’t know why Topher is so embarrassed about showing his new lady friend off to his family.
Ingrid: IT’S ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
Ingrid: Now, your name is Amenhotep v2.0. I am your mother. Your moooootheeeer. Questions? Questions?
The robot’s name is actually Coilette, and she only has one question; how big of a raging bitch can she be?
Coilette: The next time you take a bath I will hold your head under the water until you drown!
Elle: Why would you even say that?!
Elle: I don’t like you.
Coilette: Feeling’s mutual, sweetcheeks.
Enacting revenge, Elle broke the computer.
Coilette: Oh, but to cut down the innocence of youth! This means war!
But war would have to wait, because it’s Elle’s birthday!
Elle: Who is that?
Goodwin: Hooray! I no longer have any dependents weighing down my tax forms!
Ingrid: I no longer have to pretend I am interested in my children!
Coilette: I am stoic.
Thanks to Coilette, Elle is now terrified of water. She decided at some point during her teen years that she wanted to be a Hit Movie Composer.
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