Beckett Legacy 1.6 (part one)
I'm super excited to be posting the end of gen one! After part two will be the heir poll, because I seriously can't choose who I want to be heir. I was reluctant to post this since I managed to mess up the pictures trying to be clever (and failing) when I was editing them, so please ignore the ugliness (especially in part two *shudders*)
Enjoy!
We pick up with the Beckett’s where we last left them…
Elle: So this is really embarrassing but will you come to my sleepover? Everyone else cancelled.
Amenhotep: Uh, sure.
Elle: Be yourself, they say. You’ll make friends, they say. Lies!
Daniela: I’m pregnant, mum!
Ingrid: Already?
Daniela: Yeah, but I haven’t told Shark yet. Any advice on how to break it to him gently?
Ingrid: Well I’d suggest wearing your shortest shorts, but since you’re already way ahead of me with that I’d say you’re good to go!
Ingrid: Have you considered the benefits of giving birth to a half-man half-bear hybrid? It could very easily be arranged, you know.
The new paperboy (the old one left because Elle kept talking to him) has realised he is onto a good thing.
New!Paperboy: First you get the money, then you get the power, then you get… the women!
What legacy would be complete without some bathroom walk-ins?
Amenhotep: Oh Gods, I’m trying to shower here!
Goodwin: I know. It’s all you do.
Elle: At the other mother’s house I had lots of friends and lived in a house that sparkled at night and ate nothing but fried chicken!
Ingrid: Young lady, in this house the official stance on your whereabouts during the time you were missing is that you were at the park! For the millionth time, you do not have another mother! You were not held prisoner in some creepy world constructed around a monster older than time immemorial! And you do not have any friends!
On that happy note, its time for Elle to enter the frightening world of nail polish, cell phones and hormones known as adolescence. Why so glum, Goodwin?
Oh, looks like those kids you paid to attend Elle’s party have grown into teenage boys.
Kid: Can I just have my dollar so I can go home, Mr Beckett?
The Beckett’s were partying in true Beckett fashion. Goodwin was being bitched out by some punk who is actually the old paperboy. It’s nice to see that he still wears a satchel.
Shark was hanging out by the turkey.
And Topher met the first person to ever hate him on sight.
For not having a single friend, Elle had a pretty good turnout. It helps when your mother is eccentric enough to have a mummy and time-travelling daughter to bulk up the numbers. And the maid, who is getting paid double time and a half for this shit.
Elle: Notice me now, paperboy?
Paperboy: *subtly shifts gaze away*
Of course the second the candles were out Topher became the centre of attention. Seriously, all he did was stand up and everyone turned to watch him. I don’t get this! He is a dag!
Elle decided the best way to get people to like her was to prove she is totally cool by stealing stuff. She also became a babe. Amenhotep isn’t the only one surprised by this.
Out of interest, it seems she has Goodwin’s face shape, but Ingrid’s features. Unlike her poor sis, Daniela, who has Goodwin’s nose D:
Shark left the turkey to hang out in front of the TV.
Topher: *leans around him*
Elle put her new found teenage-dom to the test.
Elle: I like your satchel.
Ingrid&Amenhotep: *subtly dance over to eavesdrop*
Ingrid: A boy? She better not end up married and pregnant like her younger sister!
Amenhotep: I wouldn’t worry. It is Elle after all.
Topher: Have you gone organic yet?
How is this guy popular?
Elle wrapped up her first day as a teen by soaking in the family’s new hot tub thinking about how loved she would be when she turned up to school on Monday wearing shoplifted lipstick.
The guy next to her? Topher enjoys slicking back his hair when water is involved.
On to some more serious business…
Daniela: I’m pregnant.
Shark: Niiiiiiiice.
Shark: If I stand perfectly still maybe he won’t notice that I knocked up his daughter.
I wouldn’t worry, Shark. Goodwin only has one thing on his mind these days.
Uh, while I admit Ingrid isn’t the most level headed bulb in the box, I doubt she’ll let you join in Amenhotep.
Ever since Daniela became pregnant the only thing these two do is, well, each other.
Seriously. Invest in a fence or something, guys!
Ingrid: Hey, if we hold our breaths underwater the kids will totally freak out and think we’re having sex!
Goodwin: Fist pump!
And I literally mean the only thing.
Daniela: The horror. The hooooorror.
With all the woohoo going on, Elle decides to get out of the house for a bit.
Elle: Bye! I’m off to meet a friend at the park!
Shark: You don’t have to lie.
These two are really excited about the baby,
Shark: I think it’s a girl, you know. A father always knows.
Daniela: I don’t mean to emasculate you, honey, but I think we should start hoping for a boy. When was the last time you brought home an animal carcass? A big one, I mean.
Elle’s park date is going well.
Elle: You are TOO FUNNY! How did you get SO FUNNY! Ha, ha, ha! Pleasesayyoulikeme.
Paperboy: Err…
Paperboy: Well, I’d better be going. To my house. For… sleep…
Elle: Oh my God, have to give him a reason to stay!
Elle. She has a way with music.
Paperboy: Just keep looking forward. Eyes forward. Always forward.
Elle, we need to have a serious talk about this boy.
Elle: Why are you standing in the corner? Why won’t you look at me?
And Elle isn’t the only one having extreme luck with the opposite sex.
Topher: She’s so *retch* perfect!
Shark: Ew. Daniela, you’re peeing all over my side of the bed!
Daniela: Quick! You are going to have to help me deliver this baby! Now, first thing you’re going to need is two very long, very sharp sticks…
Shark: WHAT?
Shark eventually convinced Daniela to go to the hospital.
The new parents returned with a girl, much to Shark’s pleasure and Daniela’s disgust. Astrid Beckett is Friendly and Excitable.
She instantly became the hot favourite.
Amenhotep: They have to open that door sometime.
Elle: And then we’ll snatch the baby!
Somehow Topher ended up with Astrid.
Topher: Okay, I’m doing the baby thing. This doesn’t seem so hard, I don’t know what everyone’s always going on about…
Astrid: *rakes baby nails of death across Topher’s face*
Topher: *dies from pain*
The days flew by and soon enough Astrid grew into a toddler and OH MY GOD KILL IT WITH FIRE!
Um, embracing her Neanderthal heritage?
Daniela: Daughter, I love you even if you do spit in my face by being a girl and prematurely greying.
Astrid: *horrified* I’m prematurely what?!
Elle: Hey, bro. Interested in joining my band?
Topher: Sorry. I just feel I can’t ethically contribute to that sort of thing. My music pays homage to the gentle sweep of a swan’s wing as it brushes past some bulrushes. Yours… doesn’t.
Daniela returned to work. In a bustle skirt. Look, at least she’s trying to get with the times.
And Goodwin?
Coworkers: Goodwin! The fire’s that way!
Thanks, geniuses.
I have no words for how awesome (and apparently flame resistant) he is.
Reaching level 10 meant that he could work at home. Not sure how pleased Ingrid will be when she realises this means the alarm now goes off in her hallway.
Then again, this is what constitutes as working from home for Goodwin, so I don’t think she’s complaining much.
And Amenhotep started travelling back in time. Possibly he misses the good old days when he had the spoils of war and hundreds of sacred cats to keep him company.
Elle: Sure you don’t want to join my band, A Pool of Poodles?
Topher: Much surer now than I was before.
Elle: Woo! A Pool of Poodles ROCKS! Jealous?
Elle: Yeah, you’re jealous.
Elle was eventually told to shut the hell up and do her homework.
Elle: I hate homework. Why do I even bother? I am a leaf caught in a hurricane. No one knows where I will land, and no one cares.
Further along the table…
Topher: Double rainbow all the way ‘cross the skyyyy…
And then, well…
Shark: On second thought, guess I don’t need to go down the hall after all.
Elle: Oh. Death. Taking the closest thing I’ve ever had to a friend, I see. Let me just get out of your way here…
Death: You look familiar. Have I killed you before?
Amenhotep: I don’t think so. I’ve been told I have a familiar face, though, so maybe that’s it.
Ingrid: But…
NOT THE TIME, SHARK!
Death: Amenhotep, it is time.
Ingrid: I… Amenhotep?
Rest in peace, you crazy god-king.
Shark: Um, excuse me? I don’t understand why he had to go and die?
Yeah, me neither, Shark.
Ingrid went into the bathroom to cry. Aw, bb :(
Topher devised a cunning plan.
Topher: I just need someone to hold me gently against their enormous breasts!
Goodwin: Hey, kids! You know what’s fun? Respecting social boundaries and not trying to grope your half-sister, because nobody wins when vaguely incestuous bonding is involved!
Topher: Come again?
Goodwin: Well, son, sometimes before a daddy meets mummy there is an old college girlfriend who just moved back to town…
Goodwin: So being blood related would be the main point I’m trying to get across here. And, hey, another fun game is not repeating a single word I’ve spoken for the last half hour to your mother!
Topher: My… sister… ?
Chastity: Did you know about any of this?
Topher: Life… ending…
Chastity: I should go.
Chastity: I hope I see you around, Topher. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
Topher: Woe.
Meanwhile…
Elle: Oh, so my music has no soul? Well, dear brother, I think it’s time your pretentious, tree-hugging self learnt what the world was like for the rest of us.
Head over to Part Two!