"Nobody cares 'cause I'm alone And the world is having more fun than me, tonight"
yeah so that whole studying for Anatomy thing just wasnt working for me, so i decided to watch Everwood. Well, No i decided to watch Everwood no matter if i was done studying or not haha i have my priorities. So tonight was the Swimming Banquet and i realized how much i truly am going to miss high school i will miss swimming, i will miss the "slackers club" and making fun of Wanny, but most of all i will miss the girls and the friendships we made, as one of the Juniors said, we arent freinds, we are more like sisters. I do sports becuase #1 i like the sports, but most of all because i like the friendships that i get out of them.
On the topic of friendships, i was talking to one of my friends and realized how i truely did let my best friends slip through the cracks just because i wanted to make sure that i was expanding my freinds so i didnt miss out on anything when i went to college, i guess it was a loose loose situation but in the end i have so many more friends now and i am getting back with my old friends again...if they let me.
Next topic is the not so fun one. The boring part when i complain about my Upper Middle Class Suberban Oppression. (lol 10 things i hate about you) The Panic Attacks have continued to come and increase, so has the anxioty but whatever the only thing that bugs me is that feeling of how im falling down the black hole, like a wherlpool that keeps swerling around and around, but this time, i have no one at the bottom to catch me. Before my friends all knew what was going on and i had other people there helping, but now i feel as if im more alone then ever. I have friends but i just seem to be keeping more and more to myself, i guess thats why im gunna keep this journal, i know that not a lot of people read it and it gives me a place to vent and for me to tell everything to. I dont want you all to think that i am now like constantly depressed, i have my highs and my lows but it just seems that my highs are getting lower and my lows bottoming out. When I'm out with my friends i have fun sat night was a blast and that is why im so determined for it to happen again, i want to feel that good again, i need to feel that good. I dont want to be stuck at home or doing something where i am not distracted enough that i continue to dwell and think about what i will have to deal with when i get home.
I dunno i just wish that i didnt have to go through this feeling so alone. I know that other people are having similar problems but i mean im just sitting here in my room, wishing somebody, anybody was here with me to talk to.
<3
On the topic of friendships, i was talking to one of my friends and realized how i truely did let my best friends slip through the cracks just because i wanted to make sure that i was expanding my freinds so i didnt miss out on anything when i went to college, i guess it was a loose loose situation but in the end i have so many more friends now and i am getting back with my old friends again...if they let me.
Next topic is the not so fun one. The boring part when i complain about my Upper Middle Class Suberban Oppression. (lol 10 things i hate about you) The Panic Attacks have continued to come and increase, so has the anxioty but whatever the only thing that bugs me is that feeling of how im falling down the black hole, like a wherlpool that keeps swerling around and around, but this time, i have no one at the bottom to catch me. Before my friends all knew what was going on and i had other people there helping, but now i feel as if im more alone then ever. I have friends but i just seem to be keeping more and more to myself, i guess thats why im gunna keep this journal, i know that not a lot of people read it and it gives me a place to vent and for me to tell everything to. I dont want you all to think that i am now like constantly depressed, i have my highs and my lows but it just seems that my highs are getting lower and my lows bottoming out. When I'm out with my friends i have fun sat night was a blast and that is why im so determined for it to happen again, i want to feel that good again, i need to feel that good. I dont want to be stuck at home or doing something where i am not distracted enough that i continue to dwell and think about what i will have to deal with when i get home.
I dunno i just wish that i didnt have to go through this feeling so alone. I know that other people are having similar problems but i mean im just sitting here in my room, wishing somebody, anybody was here with me to talk to.
<3