the past always repeats itself
So I've been trying to convince myself that i truely haev been getting better but the truth is that recently ive been slowly slipping back into my bad habbits. although i have been telling myself i am fine, the randomly scattered lines over my body seem to be telling me the oppisite. I am not fine and the difference is that this time i have no one helping me. No one is there for me to think about anymore. It started small like the fact that ive been spending a lot of my time at the gym, in my room, mostly alone. Then came the need for sleep and lack of energy and most recently the physical effects. I guess things arent going as well as i wish they were. But then again i cant imagine being fine with the fact that you fucked up every single one of your friendships.
I dunno some of it i guess can be said to be my fault but thats simply because i am confused. you call me to "see what im up to" but i was told by your best friend who you are practically attached to that you and the rest of you guys basically never wanted to hang out with me again and talk to me. I mean from my point of veiw i have a right to be a little confused and im sorry im not jumping for your phone call and talkitive when you call. i feel like you are calling just for the sake of calling not really caring what is said on the other end.
I dunno today i went out shopping intown (Philly) with my sister and we went to Saks and i got a nice theory skirt and she got me a Louis Vuitton like little wallet thing for college. Then we went out to lunch and then appartment shopping came home and went out to dinner. I also got my stuff from Nordstroms my mom had bought for me. She got me a pair of UGGs so im really excited (im wearing them now) they are so comfertable and warm i know that i will live in them during the winter at Trinity. So yeah that made my day a little better but yeah once the shopping high wore off i felt like shit again lol
Off to go take some Tylenol PM and go to sleep