BSG Comics: The Final Five #3
YOU GUYS. YOU GUYS THIS ICON HAS NEVER BEEN MORE INAPPROPRIATE.
Srsly. I died laughing. Also, despite the fact I might have to love this issue as the best thing ever, it is, unfortunately, the issue where I have to stop hoping I can make it personal canon. What can I say? Among other things they made Sam a hobo. No, really.
So, issue three introduces us to our actual Final Five, finally.
I'm going to recount this linearly - near as I can tell - rather than the way it was revealed throughout the issue.
So. Michael Tigh becomes the leader of the Thirteenth Tribe, and, although this is never clarified, I'm assuming given the timescales, by the time they GET to Earth (under the guidance of Pythia-who-came-back-from-the-dead-and-is-now-Aurora-masquerading-as-Pythia-but-Michael-Tigh-doesn't-care) it's just shy of two thousand years ago. Whereas the exile from Kobol was 3,000 years ago. I assume this is because of the whole travelling at subliminal speed thing.
So the issue opens with Michael Tigh and John Cavil (the dude the thirteenth tribe granted resurrection as they ran from Kobol because he tried to save Pythia) as extremely old men, like, almost dying old. At various points there's allusions that their lifespans have been extended beyond ordinary lengths by technology (though NOT resurrection, which I'll get to). So I don't know how long since they landed on Earth but basically, the 13th Tribe aren't there for that long since these are the guys who settled it eighty years ago or whatever and we're about to see the nuketacular apocalypse.
Pythia is the reason that the 13th Tribe can reproduce. Pythia helped them resequence their genome or whatever it was and fixed that problem. But if they resurrect, then that reverts and they can't have kids, so that combined with the fact that Head Six was telling him to do it meant that Michael Tigh banned resurrection tech outright and also was like, Chief President Dictator for Life.
Michael Tigh and Pythia's son is SAUL TIGH.
Yes, people. Season Four Kara Thrace is SAUL TIGH'S MOTHER.
Just...just think about that for a minute. Seriously. Just think.
HIS MOTHER.
Yes, if you're wondering, I did die laughing. But it's all right, I resurrected. 'Cept now of course I can't have kids. Which I'd say is a tidy way of explaining that whole thing except LIAM. (Or, you know, Hera too).
Maybe Tigh is special because he's HALF GOD.
*dies again*
WTF people, just...WTF.
I love it. I absolutely love it and it's a total shame I can't canonise this thing in my personal shrine of becca-canon awesome.
So, um, where was I?
Oh yes, Pythia dies when Saul is really young so he doesn't remember her, but John Cavil does and says that she begged Michael to save her but he wouldn't so Pythia died screaming and stuff and Cavil was all HARDENED into wanting to BRING BACK RESURRECTION and shit.
So Cavil is the head of Cavil Cybernetics that has built a shitload of centurions, which are now rebelling all over the city, and is "sekritly" bankrolling his daughter Ellen's lab (where Galen and Tory are scientists too) to rebuild resurrection.
Michael Tigh is ancient and has a stroke and dies halfway through the comic.
So Saul Tigh, son of the dictator for life chief president of Earth and Ellen Tigh, daughter of the biggest corporate conglomerate CEO are totally SECRETLY MARRIED. It's JUST LIKE ROMEO AND JULIET except old and creepy and far too graphically drawn for my liking.
Cavil is impatient with the progress of resurrection and tells Tory and Galen to move onto live trials, so they go and entice guitar-playing Hobo Sam into their lab and then Tory shoots him and Galen is like WTF (as if, you know, killing him some other way would TOTALLY be more civilised) and Tory's like, I'M IN A HURRY. And Galen says that this does not turn him on. And Tory is wearing a business suit with a WAISTCOAT. I don't even know, people. A waistcoat.
So Sam wakes up, and, um, that's the last we see of him so far.
Then Saul Tigh's dad dies and he's all angsty and like, "I COULD HAVE SAVED HIM!" and Head Six shows up and is like, Yup, you fucked up big time. So Tigh is all upset by this because she was always the one that told them they had to destroy resurrection. And Six basically says YEAH if you'd actually DONE that, but you let your girlfriend rebuild it under your nose and now your robots are going crazy and frankly this whole place is a lost cause so all I can do is save a couple of you and try again next time and for that I need resurrection.
Basically Head Six saw it was going downhill fast and went and lead Ellen onto the right path to rebuild resurrection. Tigh is somewhat narked about this, understandably.
(Again I would like to just pause here and point out that Pythia/Aurora/FutureKara, Michael Tigh and Saul Tigh can apparently ALL see Head Six since Saul doesn't react like he's never seen her before or anything. WTF must family dinners have been like at that house? Did they get her to babysit? Go to the movies with them? People. Saul Tigh is Half God, Half Robot being babysat by a Religious Vision. I'm just saying.)
Anyway at that point, Cavil tries to assassinate Saul Tigh but his gunman misses and everything goes nuts and Cavil's totally random plan was, now that resurrection's online, to nuke shit and thin the human population - I guess only resurrecting the people he likes or something. Except when she finds this out, Ellen's shocked that he'd do something like that and shoots him in the head. Then asks Tigh to meet her at the lab where she has "something to do first". I'm gonna assume turning off Daddy's resurrection capacity or something (we see him earlier looking at his replacement body and bitching it's so old and Ellen's like, we'll fix it later.)
At which point we go into the flashback scenes we saw of Tyrol in the market and Tigh finding Ellen and stuff. For the record, Tory seems to be in some sort of office and Sam is back outside on a street corner busking Bob Dylan Hobo Style.
And...that's the end of the issue.
I swear, I did not ingest any hallucinogenic substances before I read it.
So I'll just...
You're NEVER, EVER going to be able to look at this icon the same way again, ARE YOU?
Srsly. I died laughing. Also, despite the fact I might have to love this issue as the best thing ever, it is, unfortunately, the issue where I have to stop hoping I can make it personal canon. What can I say? Among other things they made Sam a hobo. No, really.
So, issue three introduces us to our actual Final Five, finally.
I'm going to recount this linearly - near as I can tell - rather than the way it was revealed throughout the issue.
So. Michael Tigh becomes the leader of the Thirteenth Tribe, and, although this is never clarified, I'm assuming given the timescales, by the time they GET to Earth (under the guidance of Pythia-who-came-back-from-the-dead-and-is-now-Aurora-masquerading-as-Pythia-but-Michael-Tigh-doesn't-care) it's just shy of two thousand years ago. Whereas the exile from Kobol was 3,000 years ago. I assume this is because of the whole travelling at subliminal speed thing.
So the issue opens with Michael Tigh and John Cavil (the dude the thirteenth tribe granted resurrection as they ran from Kobol because he tried to save Pythia) as extremely old men, like, almost dying old. At various points there's allusions that their lifespans have been extended beyond ordinary lengths by technology (though NOT resurrection, which I'll get to). So I don't know how long since they landed on Earth but basically, the 13th Tribe aren't there for that long since these are the guys who settled it eighty years ago or whatever and we're about to see the nuketacular apocalypse.
Pythia is the reason that the 13th Tribe can reproduce. Pythia helped them resequence their genome or whatever it was and fixed that problem. But if they resurrect, then that reverts and they can't have kids, so that combined with the fact that Head Six was telling him to do it meant that Michael Tigh banned resurrection tech outright and also was like, Chief President Dictator for Life.
Michael Tigh and Pythia's son is SAUL TIGH.
Yes, people. Season Four Kara Thrace is SAUL TIGH'S MOTHER.
Just...just think about that for a minute. Seriously. Just think.
HIS MOTHER.
Yes, if you're wondering, I did die laughing. But it's all right, I resurrected. 'Cept now of course I can't have kids. Which I'd say is a tidy way of explaining that whole thing except LIAM. (Or, you know, Hera too).
Maybe Tigh is special because he's HALF GOD.
*dies again*
WTF people, just...WTF.
I love it. I absolutely love it and it's a total shame I can't canonise this thing in my personal shrine of becca-canon awesome.
So, um, where was I?
Oh yes, Pythia dies when Saul is really young so he doesn't remember her, but John Cavil does and says that she begged Michael to save her but he wouldn't so Pythia died screaming and stuff and Cavil was all HARDENED into wanting to BRING BACK RESURRECTION and shit.
So Cavil is the head of Cavil Cybernetics that has built a shitload of centurions, which are now rebelling all over the city, and is "sekritly" bankrolling his daughter Ellen's lab (where Galen and Tory are scientists too) to rebuild resurrection.
Michael Tigh is ancient and has a stroke and dies halfway through the comic.
So Saul Tigh, son of the dictator for life chief president of Earth and Ellen Tigh, daughter of the biggest corporate conglomerate CEO are totally SECRETLY MARRIED. It's JUST LIKE ROMEO AND JULIET except old and creepy and far too graphically drawn for my liking.
Cavil is impatient with the progress of resurrection and tells Tory and Galen to move onto live trials, so they go and entice guitar-playing Hobo Sam into their lab and then Tory shoots him and Galen is like WTF (as if, you know, killing him some other way would TOTALLY be more civilised) and Tory's like, I'M IN A HURRY. And Galen says that this does not turn him on. And Tory is wearing a business suit with a WAISTCOAT. I don't even know, people. A waistcoat.
So Sam wakes up, and, um, that's the last we see of him so far.
Then Saul Tigh's dad dies and he's all angsty and like, "I COULD HAVE SAVED HIM!" and Head Six shows up and is like, Yup, you fucked up big time. So Tigh is all upset by this because she was always the one that told them they had to destroy resurrection. And Six basically says YEAH if you'd actually DONE that, but you let your girlfriend rebuild it under your nose and now your robots are going crazy and frankly this whole place is a lost cause so all I can do is save a couple of you and try again next time and for that I need resurrection.
Basically Head Six saw it was going downhill fast and went and lead Ellen onto the right path to rebuild resurrection. Tigh is somewhat narked about this, understandably.
(Again I would like to just pause here and point out that Pythia/Aurora/FutureKara, Michael Tigh and Saul Tigh can apparently ALL see Head Six since Saul doesn't react like he's never seen her before or anything. WTF must family dinners have been like at that house? Did they get her to babysit? Go to the movies with them? People. Saul Tigh is Half God, Half Robot being babysat by a Religious Vision. I'm just saying.)
Anyway at that point, Cavil tries to assassinate Saul Tigh but his gunman misses and everything goes nuts and Cavil's totally random plan was, now that resurrection's online, to nuke shit and thin the human population - I guess only resurrecting the people he likes or something. Except when she finds this out, Ellen's shocked that he'd do something like that and shoots him in the head. Then asks Tigh to meet her at the lab where she has "something to do first". I'm gonna assume turning off Daddy's resurrection capacity or something (we see him earlier looking at his replacement body and bitching it's so old and Ellen's like, we'll fix it later.)
At which point we go into the flashback scenes we saw of Tyrol in the market and Tigh finding Ellen and stuff. For the record, Tory seems to be in some sort of office and Sam is back outside on a street corner busking Bob Dylan Hobo Style.
And...that's the end of the issue.
I swear, I did not ingest any hallucinogenic substances before I read it.
So I'll just...
You're NEVER, EVER going to be able to look at this icon the same way again, ARE YOU?