(no subject)
Today was what anyone would call a good day. But it was not good for me. I want so badly to feel good, to be happy, to be normal. But no matter what i tell myself or what i do............. nothing is good. I'm still stuck in this feeling. It won't go away. No matter what i do or what i tell myself. I'm alone. there is no one here and no one will be. this house is hallow. I am hallow. And there is nothing to fill me up. How do you fill your self? Or does someone come along and do it for you? I have never been in love. So how can i miss or want something so badly that i have never had before?
So much i want to know. So much i want you to tell me. So talk. talk till your teeth hurt. This plee that i give to anyone, it seems so sad to me. what kind of person says things like this to anyone? Am i pathtic? What do others think of me? Do i really give a fuck what they think? All these questions. They make my eyes rain. Rain they do all times that everything is quite. SO that everyone can them hit the ground. But no one is listening.
I WHish
Holding each other on the bus.
I see this through my window.
I'm so far away, but i whish i was so close.
I whish.
But what does whishing do?
I whish there was someone here to be close to.
But because i whished, it won't come true.
Forgeting
Everything has changed.
I don't know what or how.
I search and find nothing.
I search the next day and find more of nothing.
How can someone feel such a presence, and see nothing of it?
Maybe there is nothing there.
My mind wanders away from me.
Its starting to forget to come back.
I wrote both of those poems. I don't think either of them are good.
can you ever run out of tears? If so how much cry is the limit? Tears make us real, they make us realize. Would we be us if we had no tears left? I want my tears to run dry. So that my cheeks can know what dry means. But then i wouldn't be me? I don't really want to be me. I don't my feelings and don't want the hurt in my past. Most of things that hurt so much i had no control over. they happened and i had no say.
If i could have eaten your cancer away i would have. I love you grandma. I think it hurts so much because i had to sit and watch you die for months. The morning i walked in on you haveing a seger i was never more scared. That day i will always remember. I'm sorry cancer took you. But i keep you in my pocket every day. To me you live and you are beautiful.
Uncle if i could have i would have kept your heart beating. I would have made you smile, made you laugh. I always hear your laugh in my sleep. It was the sound of angel wings. I remeber you and all the trouble you got me in. Thank you for being a friend. I think of you before i sleep.
Grandpa i whish i could have made you better. Because if i had you would have put the gun down. Lowered from your head. I love you and i know you were in pain but i whish you were still her. But all you left was your brains on the wall. My poor grandma didn't wake till later that night to find what was left of you. She loved you to. She still does. She lives for you i think. Your life you took. SO now i live for you also. till we meet again.
Father. I'm sorry you think we all hate you. I'm sorry you don't feel needed. I'm sorry that your never sobber. I'm sorry your heart is swollen 3 times bigger then it should. And if you die to soon.......I'm sorry for that to. But i need you and i;m afraid you'll only realize that when your dead, and i'm crying on your grave.
Me. I'm sorry i don't love you better. I'm sorry your sad and have thought of dieing more then you should. I'm sorry you think you are alone. Its my falt. I try to make you better but you don't help and its not your falt. You are beautiful they say, but all you hear is the blade on your wrist. Are they right? Are you? What do we need? you?
Save me before i drown.
So much i want to know. So much i want you to tell me. So talk. talk till your teeth hurt. This plee that i give to anyone, it seems so sad to me. what kind of person says things like this to anyone? Am i pathtic? What do others think of me? Do i really give a fuck what they think? All these questions. They make my eyes rain. Rain they do all times that everything is quite. SO that everyone can them hit the ground. But no one is listening.
I WHish
Holding each other on the bus.
I see this through my window.
I'm so far away, but i whish i was so close.
I whish.
But what does whishing do?
I whish there was someone here to be close to.
But because i whished, it won't come true.
Forgeting
Everything has changed.
I don't know what or how.
I search and find nothing.
I search the next day and find more of nothing.
How can someone feel such a presence, and see nothing of it?
Maybe there is nothing there.
My mind wanders away from me.
Its starting to forget to come back.
I wrote both of those poems. I don't think either of them are good.
can you ever run out of tears? If so how much cry is the limit? Tears make us real, they make us realize. Would we be us if we had no tears left? I want my tears to run dry. So that my cheeks can know what dry means. But then i wouldn't be me? I don't really want to be me. I don't my feelings and don't want the hurt in my past. Most of things that hurt so much i had no control over. they happened and i had no say.
If i could have eaten your cancer away i would have. I love you grandma. I think it hurts so much because i had to sit and watch you die for months. The morning i walked in on you haveing a seger i was never more scared. That day i will always remember. I'm sorry cancer took you. But i keep you in my pocket every day. To me you live and you are beautiful.
Uncle if i could have i would have kept your heart beating. I would have made you smile, made you laugh. I always hear your laugh in my sleep. It was the sound of angel wings. I remeber you and all the trouble you got me in. Thank you for being a friend. I think of you before i sleep.
Grandpa i whish i could have made you better. Because if i had you would have put the gun down. Lowered from your head. I love you and i know you were in pain but i whish you were still her. But all you left was your brains on the wall. My poor grandma didn't wake till later that night to find what was left of you. She loved you to. She still does. She lives for you i think. Your life you took. SO now i live for you also. till we meet again.
Father. I'm sorry you think we all hate you. I'm sorry you don't feel needed. I'm sorry that your never sobber. I'm sorry your heart is swollen 3 times bigger then it should. And if you die to soon.......I'm sorry for that to. But i need you and i;m afraid you'll only realize that when your dead, and i'm crying on your grave.
Me. I'm sorry i don't love you better. I'm sorry your sad and have thought of dieing more then you should. I'm sorry you think you are alone. Its my falt. I try to make you better but you don't help and its not your falt. You are beautiful they say, but all you hear is the blade on your wrist. Are they right? Are you? What do we need? you?
Save me before i drown.