(no subject)
Emotionally draining would be the term i would use. I have had more blah days in this past month than i have in forever. I feel sorry for those who just met me because they probably think i get this way a lot. I try not to but every so often at times like these i get that feeling, that nothing is going right. I hate being helpless. So scared that i wont say what is needed to be said. When someone you love is in trouble all you want to do is help them. Im really just scared that i cant, and that because i didnt something bad will happen. I know i put too much on myself but if something bad ever happened i dont think i would be able to let myself not feel guilty for it. Mostly i just want everyone that i love to know that i love them and how wonderful it is that i have them all in my life... oh and ryan dont get a motorcycle, come on you scare me enough in that red car of yours.
Good things seem to happen to bad people and bad things are happening to good people. We all like to believe in karma in the sense that things will come back around and switch but more and more im starting to think that isnt true. It sucks, but i was thinking about it. Im glad to know that as my belief in karma grows smaller, i dont think It will change who i am.
If you asked me two years ago i would never say that i would ever think that i would miss my sister. Ask me that today and i would tell you see is the one i miss the most. Everytime i see her she just gets more beautiful and brave and i am seriously tearing up at the fact that im not there to watch it. More than anything i hope she sticks with dance team and doesnt quit. I know my mom is basically rooting for her to quit but i know it will help her out in the end and that she will miss it if she does. I know I do.
So Andy is leaving me. I've only known him a month now but seriously i am in love with him. Amazing British and gorgeous. Sadly he prefers men but eh minor detail. I told him if he needed a green card i would drop everything and marry him. I did that day one and we have been planning it ever since. I hope i get to say good-bye.
On another note, I had to tell a friend that I didnt want to see him anymore. It really sucks when you can have friends without numerous amounts of people hating you. It was hard because he is the sweetest guy there ever was, but at this time i cant handle anymore stress. Hopefully this will cool down and I will be able to hang out with him again, until then... who knows.
Mostly I just cant stop thinking about something i shouldnt be. At times like these I sit and listen to every song i have a try to find one that matches what i feel, then i listen to it non stop and because im not the only on in that situation, i magically feel better. If I was smart I would work to get over it, but I really dont want to because it makes me really really happy. Ugh I just wish I was good enough.
Sigh I dont know why I bother trying to be cryptic, because I wouldnt write it here if i didnt expect people to know what I'm talking about, but at least this way i can sleep.
Dustin I love you, things will get better I promise.
Good things seem to happen to bad people and bad things are happening to good people. We all like to believe in karma in the sense that things will come back around and switch but more and more im starting to think that isnt true. It sucks, but i was thinking about it. Im glad to know that as my belief in karma grows smaller, i dont think It will change who i am.
If you asked me two years ago i would never say that i would ever think that i would miss my sister. Ask me that today and i would tell you see is the one i miss the most. Everytime i see her she just gets more beautiful and brave and i am seriously tearing up at the fact that im not there to watch it. More than anything i hope she sticks with dance team and doesnt quit. I know my mom is basically rooting for her to quit but i know it will help her out in the end and that she will miss it if she does. I know I do.
So Andy is leaving me. I've only known him a month now but seriously i am in love with him. Amazing British and gorgeous. Sadly he prefers men but eh minor detail. I told him if he needed a green card i would drop everything and marry him. I did that day one and we have been planning it ever since. I hope i get to say good-bye.
On another note, I had to tell a friend that I didnt want to see him anymore. It really sucks when you can have friends without numerous amounts of people hating you. It was hard because he is the sweetest guy there ever was, but at this time i cant handle anymore stress. Hopefully this will cool down and I will be able to hang out with him again, until then... who knows.
Mostly I just cant stop thinking about something i shouldnt be. At times like these I sit and listen to every song i have a try to find one that matches what i feel, then i listen to it non stop and because im not the only on in that situation, i magically feel better. If I was smart I would work to get over it, but I really dont want to because it makes me really really happy. Ugh I just wish I was good enough.
Sigh I dont know why I bother trying to be cryptic, because I wouldnt write it here if i didnt expect people to know what I'm talking about, but at least this way i can sleep.
Dustin I love you, things will get better I promise.