i'm just not myself lately.

[beautyinme]

i don't feel much like myself lately.
and there is a boy that i miss dearly.his friendship above all else.
i need to move soon.i can't say exactly why...but i need to get out of this place.
my dirtbag is leaving.and i don't know why that upsets me.but it does.
i don't think he'll want me to come visit.he'll find someone better than me.
what has happened to my self confidence?
everyone is leaving.
or has already left.
me.
i've left myself.
i'm a vacant entity.
corroding bodies will fade.
i feel as if i'm set up for failure.as if everything will fall through.
because it always falls through.
i'm incapable.
my dad never returns my phone calls.and i never thought i cared.
of course i cared! i take myself for an idiot.
my dad is gone.
my lobster has left me.
i have no one except my mother.and we constantly fight.
and lacey...who lives far away.
i don't mean to offend by not listing certain someones.
i just feel as if i am not worth it.
because i am not valued.because nobody wants me.
you know what i mean.or maybe you don't.
i'm going to stop drinking.and smoking.and all else that leaves me feeling empty.
or maybe it fills me up and that's the feeling i don't like.
i'm over this life that i'm living here.
i'm ready to move on.
is that so terrible?