FUCK YOU.

What the hell?  Why in all of Your Name did you have to create me?  I didn't ask for this.  I never wanted this.  I hate life, I hate it and I hate you for giving it to me.

Existing is an ever looping, uncontrollable nightmare that I just want to wake up from.  I just want to stop.  Everything forever.  It's not fair or loving or kind that ( Read more... )

I'm pretty sure I had a panic attack Friday.  No joke.

I woke up feeling disoriented and anxious and things just spiraled down from there. I ended up crying intermittently throughout the day for almost no reason, my depression grew worse and I just wanted to not exist.  Then in the afternoon it grew to it's worse. It was like there was a taunt line ( Read more... )

I've been majorly distracting myself from this depression. So much so that I haven't made that doctors appointment I was supposed to last week. It's just easier this way.

If I keep laughing and smiling and be completely outrageous then I won't have to think. Thinking is bad when I'm in this state; it leads to suicidal logic.  Music helps to - to ( Read more... )

Okay this is just sad.

I have apparently lost my headphones but I'm so depressed I don't even care. That's completely abnormal for me, by the way. I'm not the type to go "Oh, hum, it seems I've lost this; oh well I can always get some more next time I go to the store" No I'm the person that flips out and takes the house/room with me. I turn ( Read more... )

I'm officially self-diagnosed as depressed now.  I'm to the suicidal point now.  It's bad.  Really really really bad.  Especially since I have NO ONE to talk to or distract me or anything. I basically just spend all day on the internet, playing freecell and reflecting on my own self worthlessness and all that is wrong with my life.  I hate myself ( Read more... )