On nights like tonight..
I think we come into this world without much purpose.
We are sent here to make it for ourselves, or so says this whole “American dream” or whatever the fuck we are living in. But what if this dream isn’t the same as everyone else expects it to be? A mom who is an alcoholic and those that aspire to be some sort of coke addict. But that is their dream-the dream of a cokehead. Sounds funny, huh?
But maybe they are the ones with the right idea.
Why not just say fuck it and not let anything matter anymore? Everyone just gets hurt in the end anyway. You make a living.. er, scratch that-you FUCK the living.
There is a particular beauty that I see in the people that stay in the euphoric state.. any kind. Maybe it is the circumstance, slightly mesmerizing and numb to real emotion-typically true to everything anyone is too scared to say in the first place.
Maybe they are scared of themselves.
The thought drives me-thought of the ones that don’t need the money or society’s standards to live by. Fuck these rules that were continually drawn for us since we were born. Can’t people just think for themselves-CAN'T ANYONE SEE MARVEL IN CREATION? But what are these standards anyway? Who is to say what is right and what is wrong?
No one really knows.
We know what we experience and that is all. Everything else is propaganda that is thrown at us from all directions-not our real thought, but instead, thoughts of others that are supposedly composed the right way. It is what is taught of us, but really, who can honestly sit down and tell you straight up that something is wrong? Maybe it is wrong to them.. maybe it is wrong in every way that the world works, but what if it can be justifiably so in YOUR mind? Isn’t that what matters?
I mean, it is one's own life and it should be able to be lived by one’s own means. Even if that hurts others, then who is it say that they even have a right to be hurt in the first place? Fuck all of it.
The things that happen will happen whether others like it or not. That’s not to say that I am a heartless person, because I would like to believe that I am quite far from anything that a heartless person would be. But I would have to say that after almost 19 years of living this life, life really sucks. A LOT, and quite a lot at that. And I think that I am just one of those people that fall and cannot be caught.
Maybe I don’t like being happy for too long, and I would like to believe that it is possibly because I learn to appreciate the happy times more often.
I am in college.. these are said to be “the happiest years of my life.” Whoever made that phrase up is an idiot.
Maybe this is building character. Maybe this has some sort of purpose attached. If only it was all over. I just want it to be over--the satisfaction I would have..
Glorious.
The sad years.. or however I would like to refer to my high school career as. It is not that I never had friends.. I had a lot of friends, but what does that mean in the grand scheme of things? No one is winning any kind of medal for that, nor should they. Meaningless.. all of it. I’ve yet to meet the people who open my eyes.
Abre los ojos.
Reminders of someone I know.. the someone that I don’t, nor will I ever, deserve. And on that note, I don’t deserve much in this life. I have really just been lucky so far. My luck usually runs out quickly though, and I am looking forward to falling. I am on my way.. I can feel it in me. That sounds pretty fucking stupid but it is something that I know.
I am snapping to pieces.. scattering to the inconceivable until I am nothing more than another mess to leave behind.
Indefinitely beautiful.
We are sent here to make it for ourselves, or so says this whole “American dream” or whatever the fuck we are living in. But what if this dream isn’t the same as everyone else expects it to be? A mom who is an alcoholic and those that aspire to be some sort of coke addict. But that is their dream-the dream of a cokehead. Sounds funny, huh?
But maybe they are the ones with the right idea.
Why not just say fuck it and not let anything matter anymore? Everyone just gets hurt in the end anyway. You make a living.. er, scratch that-you FUCK the living.
There is a particular beauty that I see in the people that stay in the euphoric state.. any kind. Maybe it is the circumstance, slightly mesmerizing and numb to real emotion-typically true to everything anyone is too scared to say in the first place.
Maybe they are scared of themselves.
The thought drives me-thought of the ones that don’t need the money or society’s standards to live by. Fuck these rules that were continually drawn for us since we were born. Can’t people just think for themselves-CAN'T ANYONE SEE MARVEL IN CREATION? But what are these standards anyway? Who is to say what is right and what is wrong?
No one really knows.
We know what we experience and that is all. Everything else is propaganda that is thrown at us from all directions-not our real thought, but instead, thoughts of others that are supposedly composed the right way. It is what is taught of us, but really, who can honestly sit down and tell you straight up that something is wrong? Maybe it is wrong to them.. maybe it is wrong in every way that the world works, but what if it can be justifiably so in YOUR mind? Isn’t that what matters?
I mean, it is one's own life and it should be able to be lived by one’s own means. Even if that hurts others, then who is it say that they even have a right to be hurt in the first place? Fuck all of it.
The things that happen will happen whether others like it or not. That’s not to say that I am a heartless person, because I would like to believe that I am quite far from anything that a heartless person would be. But I would have to say that after almost 19 years of living this life, life really sucks. A LOT, and quite a lot at that. And I think that I am just one of those people that fall and cannot be caught.
Maybe I don’t like being happy for too long, and I would like to believe that it is possibly because I learn to appreciate the happy times more often.
I am in college.. these are said to be “the happiest years of my life.” Whoever made that phrase up is an idiot.
Maybe this is building character. Maybe this has some sort of purpose attached. If only it was all over. I just want it to be over--the satisfaction I would have..
Glorious.
The sad years.. or however I would like to refer to my high school career as. It is not that I never had friends.. I had a lot of friends, but what does that mean in the grand scheme of things? No one is winning any kind of medal for that, nor should they. Meaningless.. all of it. I’ve yet to meet the people who open my eyes.
Abre los ojos.
Reminders of someone I know.. the someone that I don’t, nor will I ever, deserve. And on that note, I don’t deserve much in this life. I have really just been lucky so far. My luck usually runs out quickly though, and I am looking forward to falling. I am on my way.. I can feel it in me. That sounds pretty fucking stupid but it is something that I know.
I am snapping to pieces.. scattering to the inconceivable until I am nothing more than another mess to leave behind.
Indefinitely beautiful.