(no subject)
so yeah, so wow i havent updated this for a while. thats okay nothing really happening. im home, roberts home, everyone home. work la di da. lifes pretty empty feeling these days
i duno i just feel like nothing matters, nothing exists, nothing is real, or more i shouldnt be. like i feel so detatched from everyone and thing and my parents keep asking me whats wrong and all i wanna do is fucking cry. my mom gave me a lecture on protien the other day and today she went out and bought a shitload of groceries telling me she was going to force me to eat and shit. i dunno i jsut forget to sometimes
went to roberts party the other night, good to see people again... again i feel like everything that happened there wasnt real.
work is insane but hey its a paycheck
bank account frozen because when i logged into ebank, i used the wrong password somehow. account instantly frozen for thirty, nice security feature right lol, also means i cant have my pay check. owel ill figure something out
thinking of selling my car and just sharing one with my mom so ill have money on hand and be able to pay that hospital bill.
i dunno i just feel like being drunk all the time but hey whatever no bg dea
saw the brother for a few days. got another lecture from him on my appearance and composure. whoptido...so my posture is fucked up...so my ass is large...so my eyes are dark and other shit WHAT DOES IT MATTER TO HIM.
everyone is trying to get me to stay here and not go to arizona. what else is new though
im ready to leave i wanna get the fuck outa here as fast as i fucking can. i feel like im suffocating. like everything is just being forced down into me and im about to explode or collapse.
im fucking scared as hell to go out. im scared of being around people. honestly the only things ive felt like doing for the past week is sleeping and when i wake up , hide myself under a blanket and suffocate myself or just fall back to sleep.
yesterday, i sat in my chair with five pairs of scissors and stabbed them into my shoes and did stupid shit with them just for shits and giggles.
tonight jes called kidnapping people to go out. i said i had to open tomarrow which supposidly i do but it was never confirmed so im not going in... i should have gone out, something to do but i couldnt it was like theres a rope tied around my body keeping me from doing anything.
but thats life. good night
i duno i just feel like nothing matters, nothing exists, nothing is real, or more i shouldnt be. like i feel so detatched from everyone and thing and my parents keep asking me whats wrong and all i wanna do is fucking cry. my mom gave me a lecture on protien the other day and today she went out and bought a shitload of groceries telling me she was going to force me to eat and shit. i dunno i jsut forget to sometimes
went to roberts party the other night, good to see people again... again i feel like everything that happened there wasnt real.
work is insane but hey its a paycheck
bank account frozen because when i logged into ebank, i used the wrong password somehow. account instantly frozen for thirty, nice security feature right lol, also means i cant have my pay check. owel ill figure something out
thinking of selling my car and just sharing one with my mom so ill have money on hand and be able to pay that hospital bill.
i dunno i just feel like being drunk all the time but hey whatever no bg dea
saw the brother for a few days. got another lecture from him on my appearance and composure. whoptido...so my posture is fucked up...so my ass is large...so my eyes are dark and other shit WHAT DOES IT MATTER TO HIM.
everyone is trying to get me to stay here and not go to arizona. what else is new though
im ready to leave i wanna get the fuck outa here as fast as i fucking can. i feel like im suffocating. like everything is just being forced down into me and im about to explode or collapse.
im fucking scared as hell to go out. im scared of being around people. honestly the only things ive felt like doing for the past week is sleeping and when i wake up , hide myself under a blanket and suffocate myself or just fall back to sleep.
yesterday, i sat in my chair with five pairs of scissors and stabbed them into my shoes and did stupid shit with them just for shits and giggles.
tonight jes called kidnapping people to go out. i said i had to open tomarrow which supposidly i do but it was never confirmed so im not going in... i should have gone out, something to do but i couldnt it was like theres a rope tied around my body keeping me from doing anything.
but thats life. good night