beating women

[beautifulchaos6]

i remember when i was little. i was a pain in the ass. all i would do was cry. i remember crying for my mother the most. not out of sympathy but of pity. she didnt stop it, she tolerated it unwavering. she took the blows for us and never left because she wanted us to not resent her leaving. i saw the man across the street beat his wife a minute ago in the yard. robert was here when it began but left a little bit ago. i lingered outside when he left. the man just grabbed her by the hair and started hitting her while their children looked on. we called the poliece okay so my mom did. i just kinda sat on the driveway and watched. i saw myself in two scenarios. as the child looking on and as the woman being beat. i didnt knowwhat to do so my mom helped me up and made me come inside. she cries for me now. not out of sympathy but pitty. odd how our roles have changed. odd how the things we hate the most is what we become. i saw those children watching their father beat their mom and wondered if they would forgive him in a few years, a few months, a few weeks, or hell, by morning while their mother will sit in the bathroom and tell herself how ugly she is eventhough she is beautiful. she will wonder what she did wrong, and she will make herself become achild again and tell herself she is bad, and she wont leave him. okay so may be im looking too much into this. but this is what im feeling now and i dont know why. things are changing again and not all too great either. i wonder iwll i become the scared child or the beaten woman. theirs only two ways to go in this type of situation. i wonder will i one day sit in the bathroom degrading myself, o hell i and others already do that.

i wonder where i will be in a few weeks, months, years. and i wonder why.

goodnight world