You know that I've fallen and I don't know what to say....
I just searched for my "mood" and the words "apathetic" and "discontent" jumped out at me and seemed fitting.
The new job ended up working out where the group and I met somewhere in the middle, thanks to my Mom. The "Administrator" I'm working for (Jeff) is a male version of Emily. I began writing this entry about 3 hours ago, and I'm feeling a bit different. Today started rough. With this new job, I'm waking up at...
Hiii! I began the above 10/16/19. Today is 10/21/2019. Above I was going to go on to say that I have to wake up @ 4:45am, which is rough. I leave my house, drive ~45 minutes to my parent's house, and then drive another ~45 minutes to the office. So, I'm getting here at about 7:30am every day. I leave around 4:15pm, go back to my parent's house (which takes an hour or more), have dinner, drive back to my house and get home by 7:30pm (if I'm lucky). So, my days are very long. I'm basically out of the house for 14-15 hours each day; that sucks. Thankfully, this will ultimately be a work from home position, so I'm trying to bear that in mind and roll with this schedule for now. I was also going to continue by saying how I was freaking out about this position. In my first couple of days, I didn't think I could handle it, and I panicked over it. I thought I may have begun looking for a new job, but, thankfully, that feeling passed. I'm still nervous, but I'm confident that I can figure it all out with time. I can't continue to run away from scary challenges, and this opportunity is too good to just toss away.
I'm getting ready to go see Brandon this week. I'm flying to NC on Thursday (10/24/19). I'm beside myself with excitement. Actually, I'm feeling several things, but mostly anxious and excited. I suppose there isn't a whole lot to say about it. We've been dealing with our own fears and worries for the past week or so, but I think we've finally been able to...
10/22/19 @ 3:38p - Oops, I did it again. Slow day for me today. Super tired and in no mood to do anything. I realized I, somehow, broke a nail this morning. So, that was great. I had a mini-meltdown over work stuff. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed because the job includes things I've never done before (coding). I'm so anxious I'm going to make a mistake, and I allow myself to overanalyze what I'm coding.
I was going to end my last sentence above yesterday saying that Brandon and I have finally been able to get past some issues that have kept coming up. We had some great talks the past couple of weeks, and it feels like we are clearer about things that have been plaguing us. Now we are only two days away from his coming here. I thought this day would never come, ESPECIALLY after we broke up over the summer, but, somehow, here we are. There is a part of me that isn't totally ready. I'm a bit nervous about getting on the plane, to be living with someone again, and joining our lives together. I've done it all before and, thus far, nothing has stuck :/. I know he and I are different, though. For once, I believe that this relationship could truly last and that I'm not just in this relationship to stave off loneliness. He shows me all of the time just how much he cares for me.
I'm exhausted today, as I said. I'm not feeling too great, either. I hit my head on a metal doorframe accidentally, and now I have a bit of a headache. I'm getting ready to head out for the day, but I am sure I'll update again soon.
The new job ended up working out where the group and I met somewhere in the middle, thanks to my Mom. The "Administrator" I'm working for (Jeff) is a male version of Emily. I began writing this entry about 3 hours ago, and I'm feeling a bit different. Today started rough. With this new job, I'm waking up at...
Hiii! I began the above 10/16/19. Today is 10/21/2019. Above I was going to go on to say that I have to wake up @ 4:45am, which is rough. I leave my house, drive ~45 minutes to my parent's house, and then drive another ~45 minutes to the office. So, I'm getting here at about 7:30am every day. I leave around 4:15pm, go back to my parent's house (which takes an hour or more), have dinner, drive back to my house and get home by 7:30pm (if I'm lucky). So, my days are very long. I'm basically out of the house for 14-15 hours each day; that sucks. Thankfully, this will ultimately be a work from home position, so I'm trying to bear that in mind and roll with this schedule for now. I was also going to continue by saying how I was freaking out about this position. In my first couple of days, I didn't think I could handle it, and I panicked over it. I thought I may have begun looking for a new job, but, thankfully, that feeling passed. I'm still nervous, but I'm confident that I can figure it all out with time. I can't continue to run away from scary challenges, and this opportunity is too good to just toss away.
I'm getting ready to go see Brandon this week. I'm flying to NC on Thursday (10/24/19). I'm beside myself with excitement. Actually, I'm feeling several things, but mostly anxious and excited. I suppose there isn't a whole lot to say about it. We've been dealing with our own fears and worries for the past week or so, but I think we've finally been able to...
10/22/19 @ 3:38p - Oops, I did it again. Slow day for me today. Super tired and in no mood to do anything. I realized I, somehow, broke a nail this morning. So, that was great. I had a mini-meltdown over work stuff. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed because the job includes things I've never done before (coding). I'm so anxious I'm going to make a mistake, and I allow myself to overanalyze what I'm coding.
I was going to end my last sentence above yesterday saying that Brandon and I have finally been able to get past some issues that have kept coming up. We had some great talks the past couple of weeks, and it feels like we are clearer about things that have been plaguing us. Now we are only two days away from his coming here. I thought this day would never come, ESPECIALLY after we broke up over the summer, but, somehow, here we are. There is a part of me that isn't totally ready. I'm a bit nervous about getting on the plane, to be living with someone again, and joining our lives together. I've done it all before and, thus far, nothing has stuck :/. I know he and I are different, though. For once, I believe that this relationship could truly last and that I'm not just in this relationship to stave off loneliness. He shows me all of the time just how much he cares for me.
I'm exhausted today, as I said. I'm not feeling too great, either. I hit my head on a metal doorframe accidentally, and now I have a bit of a headache. I'm getting ready to head out for the day, but I am sure I'll update again soon.