(no subject)
As the anger starts to dissipate, i'm really starting to feel better. that is one emotion that i really dislike feeling, and it is honestly very very rare when i do. it takes a lot to get me over the edge. it makes me feel crazy and completely unlike myself. hence texting hastily and then apologizing for it after, example being my last post.
i am going to attempt to analyze my feelings, i think i'm at a place where it will help push me over one of the last emotional hurdles.
i feel betrayed. beyond comprehension. i wonder how a man i was/am still so in love with, so fucking in love with that i would put everything on hold to give him time, the space, the support that he needed to get where he was heading...which he said was down the aisle. with me, i should specify. when he started talking to whitney again, i told him i needed 100% honesty from him from every single aspect. and he was. he found whitney on facebook the day he went to start designing my engagement ring.
how's about that for ironic. HA!
he said in his email that it had nothing to do with her other then it made him realize that he wasn't in a stable position to be committed or to be a father figure for sophie. well, i'm pretty sure that if you are going to dump the chick you were going to ask to marry you and have been saying is your soulmate 3 days into catching up with an ex i'm fairly certain of a few things :
no shit, you are unstable.
you really know nothing about yourself.
you are in a completely different place then i thought.
or you were lying about your feelings...but for what?
or maybe you just know so little about yourself that you cannot differenciate between lust and love.
or. you just aren't ready/capable to realize or break the cycle you've created (including with your previous relationship with whitney) with every relationship before and including me.
but maybe i'm wrong.
maybe he has always meant to be with her.
and i dodged a bullet there. if he would've asked me to marry him i would've said yes.
at least he had the balls to do it now rather then wait.
and there is a possibility that i'm giving him too much credit, like i always have. but i choose to see the best in people, and trust in the good that i know resides within them. i have a feeling this is situation that will break that cycle for him, at least i hope it will. because you have to be in a really really shitty place to go from designing a ring to dumping in 3 days. that must be pretty torturous place, his mind. luckily for me i no longer have to worry or fear if i will fit in wherever his future lands him. unfortunatly for him he won't have me waiting to finally be a full part of his life.
i already know he is resenting either how things ended, or that he lost me. i'm pretty sure it's just the first which sucks but that's just life. i just really wish that my ring finger would stop aching, and i could stop sensing his emotions and moods. it makes it really hard to move on.
i hope he finds whatever it is that he is looking for.
i hope he realizes that it is held within himself, and always has been.
being honest is something he learned how to be while with me, the next step is being truthful and that only comes with knowledge and wisdom. i know because i've been there.
i am going to attempt to analyze my feelings, i think i'm at a place where it will help push me over one of the last emotional hurdles.
i feel betrayed. beyond comprehension. i wonder how a man i was/am still so in love with, so fucking in love with that i would put everything on hold to give him time, the space, the support that he needed to get where he was heading...which he said was down the aisle. with me, i should specify. when he started talking to whitney again, i told him i needed 100% honesty from him from every single aspect. and he was. he found whitney on facebook the day he went to start designing my engagement ring.
how's about that for ironic. HA!
he said in his email that it had nothing to do with her other then it made him realize that he wasn't in a stable position to be committed or to be a father figure for sophie. well, i'm pretty sure that if you are going to dump the chick you were going to ask to marry you and have been saying is your soulmate 3 days into catching up with an ex i'm fairly certain of a few things :
no shit, you are unstable.
you really know nothing about yourself.
you are in a completely different place then i thought.
or you were lying about your feelings...but for what?
or maybe you just know so little about yourself that you cannot differenciate between lust and love.
or. you just aren't ready/capable to realize or break the cycle you've created (including with your previous relationship with whitney) with every relationship before and including me.
but maybe i'm wrong.
maybe he has always meant to be with her.
and i dodged a bullet there. if he would've asked me to marry him i would've said yes.
at least he had the balls to do it now rather then wait.
and there is a possibility that i'm giving him too much credit, like i always have. but i choose to see the best in people, and trust in the good that i know resides within them. i have a feeling this is situation that will break that cycle for him, at least i hope it will. because you have to be in a really really shitty place to go from designing a ring to dumping in 3 days. that must be pretty torturous place, his mind. luckily for me i no longer have to worry or fear if i will fit in wherever his future lands him. unfortunatly for him he won't have me waiting to finally be a full part of his life.
i already know he is resenting either how things ended, or that he lost me. i'm pretty sure it's just the first which sucks but that's just life. i just really wish that my ring finger would stop aching, and i could stop sensing his emotions and moods. it makes it really hard to move on.
i hope he finds whatever it is that he is looking for.
i hope he realizes that it is held within himself, and always has been.
being honest is something he learned how to be while with me, the next step is being truthful and that only comes with knowledge and wisdom. i know because i've been there.