(no subject)
i can't help but think about when my anxiety started. i had always had bouts with depression, usually seasonal, but i also think that part of that was hormonal and such. alot of my anxiety started when i got married. and continued through most of my divorce. i started on medication about 6 months ago and things were going much much better. i have currently been off of my medication for about a month now and things have been going fairly well. my mood has lightened with the sunnier weather, and overall i feel like i've dealt with things the same way that i would have while on the meds. i've felt some pretty shitty emotions and it's been a rough month in the emotional department but none of that has to do with being on the medication. i'm still able to stay calm and make rational decisions, i don't guilt myself into a shell over things that i have no control over, i am not at all reactive, and i've really come to love who i am becoming. i feel no weakness in being on medication, but it is good to know that i am able to be more then just fine without it.
my panic attacks were... horrible and kept me from being able to talk about pretty much anything emotional. but everything that was emotional to me at the time was had something to do with thomas. and it was only while talking with him that i would panic. why is it that he had that hold on me? i wish i could pinpoint when and where it all started. what triggered that? why was that my reaction? i'm even starting to get the begining feelings of panic just thinking about past issues and where is began. but now i can talk myself down from it.
usually when something happens now with tom, its just frustrating. i am so much less emotionally involved with him, it's easier to detach. but i hope, like the anxiety, i can work through that more and be in an even better place.
my panic attacks were... horrible and kept me from being able to talk about pretty much anything emotional. but everything that was emotional to me at the time was had something to do with thomas. and it was only while talking with him that i would panic. why is it that he had that hold on me? i wish i could pinpoint when and where it all started. what triggered that? why was that my reaction? i'm even starting to get the begining feelings of panic just thinking about past issues and where is began. but now i can talk myself down from it.
usually when something happens now with tom, its just frustrating. i am so much less emotionally involved with him, it's easier to detach. but i hope, like the anxiety, i can work through that more and be in an even better place.