(no subject)
life is extraordinarily cyclical. we think we've solved something, gotten rid of something, gained something, done something new. we think we have all this "forward momentum." but i think that all in all, the end and square one are pretty much the same.
so instead of trying to move away from what we are we all just have to ask ourselves if we can ever be ok with what we'll always have to carry with us.
for example, things should be different in my life now than how they were years ago and in many superficial ways they are. i'm better looking, more confident, i have a car, and i have a new town to live in.
but i still get heartbroken in hopeless boy situations, i still convince myself that i'm ugly and will die alone, i still prefer walking aimlessly to driving, and i still get lonely even despite the zipcode. i still feel like i did when i was about 14, 15, 16, 17... you get the point.
the reason is that the only important variable in the equation is completely fixed. even if you can change everything about yourself, you can't change that you ARE yourself and that you project your unique set of emotions, mannerisms, ideas, values, choices, and opinions onto everything you do. so (like our friend plato once said) everything is just a shadowy version of what already happened and
what is destined to keep on happening.
we must hope and have faith that we will find a version we can live with and be satisfied i.e.:walking at night but not alone, or maybe feeling ugly and having someone tell you you are not.
fundamentally the same, but different enough to be worth shooting for.
so instead of trying to move away from what we are we all just have to ask ourselves if we can ever be ok with what we'll always have to carry with us.
for example, things should be different in my life now than how they were years ago and in many superficial ways they are. i'm better looking, more confident, i have a car, and i have a new town to live in.
but i still get heartbroken in hopeless boy situations, i still convince myself that i'm ugly and will die alone, i still prefer walking aimlessly to driving, and i still get lonely even despite the zipcode. i still feel like i did when i was about 14, 15, 16, 17... you get the point.
the reason is that the only important variable in the equation is completely fixed. even if you can change everything about yourself, you can't change that you ARE yourself and that you project your unique set of emotions, mannerisms, ideas, values, choices, and opinions onto everything you do. so (like our friend plato once said) everything is just a shadowy version of what already happened and
what is destined to keep on happening.
we must hope and have faith that we will find a version we can live with and be satisfied i.e.:walking at night but not alone, or maybe feeling ugly and having someone tell you you are not.
fundamentally the same, but different enough to be worth shooting for.