A friendly letter from the friendly people at the homeowners association
Dear resident,
It has come to our attention here at the community homeowners association that you have not yet complied with our request. Because of this, what can be found below is a short list of select community rules. For a full list of rules, please call our office at the number listed in our community field guide.
1) After your dog uses the restroom, we ask that you please pick up their mess. Carrying a plastic bag with you may make this easier. Also, we are removing the community dog mess bins this summer, so we ask that you get in the habit of taking the dog’s feces home with you. There were too many cases reported of community members not making sure the dog’s mess made it in the plastic liner of the dog mess bin, and most times it ended up between the can and the liner. This caused our community volunteers to often have their hands covered in dog mess. Also, we ask that you please abstain from letting your dog pee on fire hydrants, as that can block it and will consequently prevent fire officials from doing their job.
2) Because a majority of the houses in this neighborhood are new, we ask that changes not be made to their exterior. This can cause the property value to go down and give our community a sloppy look.
3) Any person caught within our community not wearing their wristband will be arrested and taken to the Department of Community Affairs immediately.
4) Any family found with more than 2 children will be deported and the extras executed.
5) Any house where the front-yard tree has been removed shall be set ablaze with the occupants trapped inside.
6) Any minorities are to be shot on sight.
7) Any democrats/liberals/vegetarians/people out of the norm (use your judgment) are to be shot on sight.
8) Any family that does not partake in wholesome family activities is to be shot on sight.
9) Every person is required to watch Fox News at least 2 hours per day.
10) Never open your doors or minds to strangers.
We are a self- servicing community and would like to keep it that way. Make sure you also shun everyone and make them feel out of place. Everyone that is different is wrong. If you have any questions regarding these or other rules, you can call or Email at hmewnrs@aol.com. Also, we are still requesting that you hang up an American flag on your garage. Reply with our request or you will have trouble ever finding a job again.
Sincerely,
Rachel A. Monahamm
It has come to our attention here at the community homeowners association that you have not yet complied with our request. Because of this, what can be found below is a short list of select community rules. For a full list of rules, please call our office at the number listed in our community field guide.
1) After your dog uses the restroom, we ask that you please pick up their mess. Carrying a plastic bag with you may make this easier. Also, we are removing the community dog mess bins this summer, so we ask that you get in the habit of taking the dog’s feces home with you. There were too many cases reported of community members not making sure the dog’s mess made it in the plastic liner of the dog mess bin, and most times it ended up between the can and the liner. This caused our community volunteers to often have their hands covered in dog mess. Also, we ask that you please abstain from letting your dog pee on fire hydrants, as that can block it and will consequently prevent fire officials from doing their job.
2) Because a majority of the houses in this neighborhood are new, we ask that changes not be made to their exterior. This can cause the property value to go down and give our community a sloppy look.
3) Any person caught within our community not wearing their wristband will be arrested and taken to the Department of Community Affairs immediately.
4) Any family found with more than 2 children will be deported and the extras executed.
5) Any house where the front-yard tree has been removed shall be set ablaze with the occupants trapped inside.
6) Any minorities are to be shot on sight.
7) Any democrats/liberals/vegetarians/people out of the norm (use your judgment) are to be shot on sight.
8) Any family that does not partake in wholesome family activities is to be shot on sight.
9) Every person is required to watch Fox News at least 2 hours per day.
10) Never open your doors or minds to strangers.
We are a self- servicing community and would like to keep it that way. Make sure you also shun everyone and make them feel out of place. Everyone that is different is wrong. If you have any questions regarding these or other rules, you can call or Email at hmewnrs@aol.com. Also, we are still requesting that you hang up an American flag on your garage. Reply with our request or you will have trouble ever finding a job again.
Sincerely,
Rachel A. Monahamm